AIBU not to accept Alcoholism as a disease

[sum1else]

My mother is a long term alcoholic. Her health is suffering as a result. We've tried everything to get her to stop but to no avail. She has very limited involvement with me and my siblings and her grandchildren as a result. It upsets us all so much but she has this deluded attitude that it's not affecting us so why are we worried. I've read various advice forums and lots of them say that alcoholism is a disease. I cannot accept this as I feel she chooses to drink and she chooses not to try and get help to stop drinking. AIBU?

"A disease is something that happens to you that you have no control over."

So by that definition, none of the following are diseases?:
Lung cancer caused by smoking
Anorexia
Depression
Insect bourne diseases when you took precautions to not be exposed
Cirrhosis of the liver (when caused by lifestyle factors)
Hepatitis (when caught from dodgy lifestyle choices)...
?

By definition, alcoholism is more than just a lifestyle choice, it is not merely a habit of chronic binge drinking.

My mom was an alcoholic; it was very frustrating that she wanted to keep being self-destructive, and alcoholism a big factor in her death. But that choice was part of her illness; she had lost the ability to make the rational choice to stop.

"But that choice was part of her illness; she had lost the ability to make the rational choice to stop".

I completely agree Ragged. Same with my mum and anorexia.

There are so many levels of the term 'alcoholic'. Some people think if someone drinks a few glasses of wine every evening then they are an alcoholic. For others, the term means someone can't function at all without a drink. Where is the line drawn?

I thought it was more than semantics really in that the OP thought it wasn't a disease or an illness but a bad choice on her mothers part.

the definition

I agree OP, it's rooted in behaviour so it can't be a disease. Stop throwing alcohol down your throat and you won't be an alcoholic anymore.

Hammy the line is drawn (IME) when you cannot have a normal relationship with alcohol. When you are addicted to it, you cannot "choose" to have one or two glasses because once you have started drinking you lose the ability to control it. You can avoid alcohol as an alcoholic but you can't live with it.

Its also why alcoholism is relatively easier to treat then eating disorders - because you can choose not to drink and plan your life around not having alcohol in it. Very hard to do that with food.

Agree with otehrs it is an addiction not a disease.

I understand your anger OP (plenty of alcoholics in teh family both reformed and dead) but thinking it is a "choice" is simplistic.

Well put Kew.

Rhinestone what an ignorant post. Why even bother contributing something like that?

when considering alcholism and addiction in terms of a medical model, it is a disease as it has genetic factors and its affects change the function of the brain and cause physical disease.

Anorexia could be described as a dissese and i think it possibly is, but mental illness and depression would not as they dont in its self cause physical disease.

YANBU. The problem with the word 'disease' is that it implies a helpless state, iyswim. It can be used as an excuse to not get help eg 'I can't help it! I have a disease! You don't understand! Poor me!'

"The problem with the word 'disease' is that it implies a helpless state, iyswim"

Well, it is sort of helpless. In the same way that most diseases are fairly helpless without treatment. With the right treatment it can be "cured", though with problems like alcoholism/anorexia it can never actually be cured. Only managed.

And I guess that is why it is more of a disease. It cannot be fixed.

The history of calling alcoholism a "disease" was to try to separate it from mere lifestyle choice; back in the 1930s any kind of addiction was seen as a lifestyle choice. Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous had to work hard to get medical help and recognition, because alcoholics (and any addicts) were seen as selfish idiots and morally weak, who didn't deserve any sympathy or support.

As long as it's accepted that alcoholics need and deserve help to quit, that they are at a point where they can no longer make that choice themselves, I don't care what their condition is called.

Not really Peggotty - my father is an alcoholic and many times as a child and teenager (and since) he has ruined family occasions or upset people due to his drinking. He ruined our 'holiday of a lifetime' when I was 14 due to alcohol. Alcohol makes him a very unpleasant person, yet he chooses to carry on. When he doesn't drink he's lovely.

It's his behaviour that's the problem and I won't excuse him on the grounds that it's a disease. Although if it is a disease then the 'cure' is simple - stop chucking alcohol down your throat.

Can sympathise Rhinestone. Hence my dislike of terming it a 'disease'. We don't say Heroin disease sufferer, do we? We call them addicts. And heroin withdrawal is no picnic either. Calling it a disease allows some alcoholics to claim victim status, and carry on acting like selfish arseholes. IMO and ME.

Thanks Chickens.

"Calling it a disease allows some alcoholics to claim victim status, and carry on acting like selfish arseholes."

Very eloquently put and exactly what I wanted to say. My friend's little boy (6yrs) was recently diagnosed with a potentially fatal disease. He has no control over this and it's nothing he's done. Calling drinking too much a 'disease' on a par with what this little boy has, just takes the piss IMO.

Rhinestone. I don't agree with you. I also come from a family which is rife with alcoholism. And I know that it is a very complex condition - it's not as simple as 'stop chucking alcohol down your throat'. I can understand why you may have that attitude when you come from a background of alcoholism. I used to think like that myself, having witnessed the utter carnage alcoholism causes.

Fair enough Peggotty, you're entitled to your opinion. But I wanted to explain why I bothered contributing my previous 'ignorant' post.

I can see that it wasn't 'ignorant' now in that you have first hand experience of alcoholism. It just looked like a throwaway comment at the time.

Chickens, you have hit the nail on the head with your post as of 17:06:09

Some alcohol abusers definately hide behind the word 'disease'.

It's as if calling it a medical term can 'de-personalise' it in some way.

OP, YANBU to WANT to accept it, but if you want to help an alcoholic, you are going to HAVE to. Once the person has 'turned that corner', then it is a medical condition and no amount of denial will help.

The history of calling alcoholism a disease is also linked to a quirk of the american medical insurance industry. It used to be that addiction treatments didn't qualify for medical insurance. Diseases did. So if the doctors and addiction counsellors etc wanted to get money for treating alcoholics, they needed it to be classed as a disease.

Entirely coincidentally, addiction treatment is now a multi-billion dollar industry in the US. They get lots of repeat business.

I think I may have had a similar experience to you Rhinestione. My father missed my birthday party one year and once didn't pick me or my sister up from school (infants) because he was drinking. He has also slept in his office (because my mother doesn't let him in the house anymore when he's been drinking) and jumped out of a window so he didn't get rumbled by his boss. I honestly think that the only thing that will stop my father drinking is if it isn't available.
I don't think it's as simple as stopping pouring alcohol down your throat. I honestly think he can't help himself. Even after about 20 years he deludes himself sometimes that he doesn't have a problem.

YABU

some people are genetically pre-disposed to have an addictive personality. it isn't something they choose and most people only find out once they are addicted to something.