AIBU in regard to exposure to chicken pox?

[InWithTheITCrowd]

I'm musing here. Don't know if IABU or not.
DS = 17 months old.
Family party (DH's family) on New Year's day. DH's cousin has 2 year old son, let's call him Barry. DS and Barry played all night together - drinking out same cup, having a great time.
Next day - DH's cousin sends me a text
"Just to let you know Barry has chicken pox. We did know yesterday as he had loads of pocks, but we covered them up so none of you would be concerned. Hope you understand - we didn't want him to miss out on party. Hope your DS doesn't get it. Sorry"

On one hand - most kids are going to get chicken pox, right? and I'm told the younger the better
But on the other hand... what the hell? why would you do that? They could have at least told us so we could have made an informed decision as to whether or not we exposed DS

Anyway - DS has got chicken pox - yesterday. I'm assuming from being exposed on New Year's Day (although that is, of course, an assumption)
Bad timing with work commitments and he's JUST started at nursery, so will have to have time off and also a couple of events that we had coming up next week which will now have to be cancelled.

I want to contact DH's cousin and tell her that I think she (and her DH) were irresponsible and shouldn't have knowingly exposed us. Or should I leave it well alone?

For the record - I haven't had chicken pox before, so will be mighty miffed if I bloody get it!

FrequentNutter Tue 11-Jan-11 19:24:21
Actually he was contagious at the time, you are contagious when the pox are out and weeping. Before that it is not contagious.

Cannot believe you are in the position you are in because of someone elses selfishness.

I would certainly say something as it is downright irresponsible.

FrequentNutter Tue 11-Jan-11 19:26:25
Use camomile lotion on the open sores stops them from itching the sores scar, my son had it when we were in Tenerife when he was four. We were lucky to hide it enough to get him home.

_

Oh right, so exposing people at a party is downright irresponsible but exposing people on an aeroplane isn't?

OP - yanbu.

YANBU, very selfish of them, not to mention completely irresponsible.

I'm always amazed at the cavalier attitude some parents have to chicken pox.

I would let the baby's parents know asap. You can get a vaccination if they are very little (5 weeks and under I think. DS2 had it at just over 5 weeks. He got a very mild case (immunity from me and bf I think), so fingers crossed the baby will be the same if they do get it.

Frequentnutter- I do hope I have misunderstood your post and you didn't knowingly take your infectious DS on a plane. How do you know there weren't pregnant ladies on there or people with compromised immune systems?

Frequent has said that they had a doctors letter to say her son was safe to travel ie not infectious. She concealed the spots so as to not alarm people but they had dried up as I understand it?

Fucking rude and irrespOnsible fuckwits - you should tell them that you are very annoyed that they did not tell you as you needed to be the one to decide what o do

Bloody rude people!

my dd2 caught cp at 11 weeks and was seriously ill with it. they are utter idiots- even more so to broadcast this to the family after the event.

also my bil took his child to a family party when he was ill. he was sick whilst there, i have no idea what it was but within 48 hours 22 people were in their beds groaning.

most families involve the old and the very young, just dont get it!

My DD caught CP from nursey when me DS was newborn. Midwife said DS would be unlikely to get infected as he would be carrying antibodies from me.

12 days later, at 4 weeks old he was covered with it. Especially his beautiful little head and face! He looked like a monster :(

Can I just recommend virasoothe? We found it very effective, also oatmeal baths are very soothing (whiz up oatmeal in a food processor, put in a muslin, chuck in the bath, squeeze). Both DS1&2 had it November. They spent a lot of time in the bath, but have escaped scar free.

YANBU. This is utterly irresponsible. Dangerous and stupid. I would seriously bollock her and make sure the entire family know what she chose to do. Unforgiveable.

Thanks, NorthernLurker, I'm sorry, I missed that post - I should make sure I can see before posting in the morning!

Sorry FN.

Hello all
After reading all your posts I actually can't believe I was even questioning whether or not I was being unreasonable!
And the more I think about it, the more annoyed I am.
I contacted DH's sister-in-law last night (who was also at the party with her 3 year old DS) and apparently he has it too - came out with it 2 days ago and is quite poorly with it. I don't have contact details for the Mum of little baby, but my sister-in-law said she would phone her.
I phoned Barry's mum this morning, but it went to voicemail, so I'm going to try again this evening.
Definitely going to give them short shrift.

Op yadnbu!!

My mother thought id had cp when i was a child so when i was pg with dd8 i had no clue i would be at risk. Thank god i didnt catch it then and everything was ok. When my dd was around 3 she caught it then. And then at the grand old age of 25 i caught it. I have since had dd 3mo and im petrified of her catching it.

Can anyone tell me if there is a vaccine for cp that i can buy privately? Tia

OP yes good for you she deserves a good dose of reality.
What a (as Bupcakes so rightly said) Twat that woman is.
How she could let her child cuddle a 3 week old baby knowing he had chicken pox is beyond me, just beyond me.
And then to text you afterwards and let you know? Stupid woman.
PLEASE update and let us know what you said and what she said and what you said etc

oh and I hope your DS is better soon and back to normal self, sure he will be running you ragged again in no time!

I really can't believe somepeople. How bloody selfish can you be!

YANBU totally reprehensible thing to do.
I had chicken pox aged 19 and was violently ill and left with the scars to prove it.
I was exposed recently while pregnant when a child in the group of ten i voluntarily taught had it and the mum didn't tell me. Luckily I was immune, others aeren't so lucky.

@loudlass @ bunnyjo I am so so sorry for your losses. Truly awful to have happened to you. Loudlass hope your new DC and the birth are fine.

I was so ill with cp that my DD has had the vaccinations free in Germany. Privately in UK think they were 150 pounds when i made enquiries.

My DD2 i now 5 weeks old - i would not attend anything if i knew a confirmed cp sick child present...if i was the mum of the 3 week old or indeed the op whose january is screwed I would want this selfish mare's head on a stick.

allfurcoatandnoknicks we paid for my DH to have the CP vaccine privately when he was 32. We had to go to the doctors and ask and then pay for the 2 jabs that he had to have about 6 weeks apart. Cost about £75 as far as I rememeber.

I'd be bloody furious. DD has it at the moment, luckily very mildly, but apart from taking her in the car to my mother's, we have been in self imposed quarantine. I even made sure no one was walking nearby before I ran her out to the car fgs. I can't believe anyone would brazenly do that.

allfurcoat - my dd had it when she was 5 months - caught from her big sister. She was perfectly fine with it. Obviously nobody wants a baby to get it but once they are past the newborn stage they usually manage fine with it so your child would most likely be ok even if they do get it. The baby at the party is too young though and really shouldn't have to run the risk of getting it. I can't believe she let 'Barry' hold the baby - stupid, stupid, stupid!

My friend's baby had CP at 13 months.
He had a spot inside his eyelid and nearly lost the sight in that eye.
They spent ages going to Great Ormond Street to have his sight treated.

Was there not a thread on this last year that got quite out of hand as the posters baby died of CP?

I think you are thinking of the thread that involved Sassysusan - she said that her daughter died from infection following CP - a rare and tragic event. It all went pearshaped because HQ then linked her to a prolific 'troll'. CP is a potentially dangerous illness to which we are all exposed unknowingly in daily life. It requires close contact ( in the guidance I've read that's classed as 'close' physical contact or being in the same room for 15 minutes.) That's where the op's relatives differ from the people on every other thread I've seen. Lots of people (myself included) make dashes in to shops with children under raincovers or to the school gates or out to deserted open spaces for running around time. You can - and we have - argue about the relative risk taking and rights and wrongs ivolved but I've never seen anybody post that they were basically organising a chicken pox party without informing the other attendants! It's truly awful.

ah yes, I remember that....

slightly off topic, but does anyone know anywhere good in London that does the CP vaccine privately. Am thinking of getting toddler DS done. He was very ill as a small baby (on ventilator) and it has left me with serious germ-phobia. I thought news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8557236.stm

was quite interesting as to why we don't routinely vaccinate for it in the UK.

There was a report in our paper last year of a young girl (I think she was 5yo) who dies of complications caused by CP.

DD caught it when she was 16mths old and DS was about 11 weeks. It was a dreadful time as the Drs didn't really know what to do - the feeling was he probably had some immunity from me but was still at risk and if he did get it it could be very serious.

We took lots of advice about the vaccine (there are some questions about safety, longevity and effectiveness) and capitulated wildly.

We didn't get vaccinated in the end and DS did get CP although thankfully (at that time) a very mild dose. However the net result was a year of seriously compromised immunity. In and out of hospital with every virus going and he has since had CP 3 more times. Unfortunately the Drs think because he has partial immunity he will never get a serious enough dose to be totally immune and will therefore forever be at risk of picking it up.

my first thought was - what if you'd been pregnant?!
I wanted my 2 to get it and was happy when they did but the way they went about this was reckless