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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in regard to exposure to chicken pox?

104 replies

InWithTheITCrowd · 11/01/2011 19:13

I'm musing here. Don't know if IABU or not.
DS = 17 months old.
Family party (DH's family) on New Year's day. DH's cousin has 2 year old son, let's call him Barry. DS and Barry played all night together - drinking out same cup, having a great time.
Next day - DH's cousin sends me a text
"Just to let you know Barry has chicken pox. We did know yesterday as he had loads of pocks, but we covered them up so none of you would be concerned. Hope you understand - we didn't want him to miss out on party. Hope your DS doesn't get it. Sorry"

On one hand - most kids are going to get chicken pox, right? and I'm told the younger the better
But on the other hand... what the hell? why would you do that? They could have at least told us so we could have made an informed decision as to whether or not we exposed DS

Anyway - DS has got chicken pox - yesterday. I'm assuming from being exposed on New Year's Day (although that is, of course, an assumption)
Bad timing with work commitments and he's JUST started at nursery, so will have to have time off and also a couple of events that we had coming up next week which will now have to be cancelled.

I want to contact DH's cousin and tell her that I think she (and her DH) were irresponsible and shouldn't have knowingly exposed us. Or should I leave it well alone?

For the record - I haven't had chicken pox before, so will be mighty miffed if I bloody get it!

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 11/01/2011 21:19

Well I'me very relaxed about infections and illness and even so I would be utterly livid about this. Lots of people expose others to CP accidentally. Lots of people take children outside the house when they have it, unless you are in close contact the risk of infection is small and everybody makes different decisions about that BUT knowingly taking a highly infectious child in to close contact for an evening and letting said child handle a baby is SO unbelievably stupid and dangerous. I think you need medical advice for yourself - CP is nasty in adults, you maybe need anti-virals and the baby's parents should get medical advice as well.

Blatherskite · 11/01/2011 21:47

Going to the party was selfish but allowing 'Barry' to hold the baby is unforgivable.

We've paid for my DH to be jabbed against CP as at 33 he's never had it and with 2 DC's we're bound to have it in the house at some point. It can be awful for adults so we wanted to protect him.

BerylStreep · 11/01/2011 21:49

Slight change of subject, but does anyone know why we don't immunise for CP?

Given the dangers of the disease, and then problems in later life with shingles, I can't understand why we don't.

It is standard practice to immunise for it in US, and I think it may be compulsory in Italy.

TaperJeanGirl · 11/01/2011 21:49

Thats awful My eldest got chicken pox on christmas eve, my younger 2 about 2 weeks later, the only other child we have been in contact with is my cousins little girl, who was with all my kids the day before dd1 came out in spots so her mum decided no point in keeping them apart, but that was her decision, I would never make that decision for anyone else, I am going to great lengths to keep my infectious 2 away from other kids, getting dd1 to and from school is a nightmare (younger 2 in a double buggy with raincover on, and phoning the receptionist to come out and collect dd1 from the street) but worth it as I would feel so guilty if a newborn or pregnant woman caught it from my spotty little urchins!

mangle · 11/01/2011 21:55

my son and his cousin are the same age. When they were babies my niece got chicken pox. I asked my Dr if it would be wrong to let them spend time together and let my son get the pox over with. He said NEVER do this. NEVER knowingly expose a child to chicken pox. Im sure your child will be fine but some children can get very ill with it and suffer complications. To put a tiny 3 week old baby at risk as well is awful and what if someone at the party was pg and hadnt announced it yet! Stupid woman!

My second son caught it from a child on a plane who clearly has the pox! I was furious when i saw the child's spots! Chicken pox can be fatal to someone having chemo or recovering! How selfish of that childs mother!

YADNBU!

NotAnotherNewNappy · 11/01/2011 22:03

YADNBU - Like others have said, chicken pox very dangerous for pregant women and young babies. Very selfish of her to put her son's need for a party above everybody else's health. One thing if they'd told you, but immoral to actually cover his spots and smuggle him in.

Bicarb in the bath, camomile lotion and piriton got DD through a very bad case of the dreaded pox. Wish your DS better x

bubbleymummy · 11/01/2011 22:08

Beryl, because it is a mild disease for most. The vaccine wears off in adulthood when it has more chance of being serious and could potentially leave a pregnant woman without immunity, putting her unborn baby at risk. There are also concerns that the vaccine will increase the incidence of shingles by reducing the amount of CP circulating in the community and acting as a natural booster for those who have had CP. I think there are enough vaccines already, CP would not be one I would be queuing up for.

pointythings · 11/01/2011 22:08

AFAIK there is some uncertainty about the duration of CP immunity following vaccination - not enough research, but it looks as if boosters would be needed every 10 to 20 years, and how many adults are going to remember to do that? There's a balance to be struck between vaccinating and re-vaccinating and letting nature take its course.

Having said all that, I think immunocompromised children and adults should definitely be vaccinated, as should women intending to become PG who have not yet had CP. There is a case to be made for anyone who reaches the age of 18 without having had CP naturally to be vaccinated, as the illness is so much more serious in adulthood.

We were lucky - DH and I both had CP in childhood, mild but are now solidly immune, and both DDs had it within weeks of each other with lots of spots but not even loss of appetite. I would never knowingly expose someone else's DC or my own to chicken pox, it would be completely irresponsible.

tholeon · 11/01/2011 22:12

can't believe this couple did that! Awful and selfish of them. I hope the tiny baby is ok. I hope you do say something to them OP, keep us posted.

ChinaCup · 11/01/2011 22:13

Outfuckingrageous! I would be incandescent.

BerylStreep · 11/01/2011 22:16

Thanks for explaining that pointythings. I always felt awful that I hadn't had DD vaccinated when she got CP then DS caught it from her when he was so little.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 11/01/2011 22:17

YADNBU at all.
DS1 nursery teacher is pregnant and she has found out she has no immunity to CP and was off for 3 weeks at the end of term as they were dropping like flies with it.

One of the first children to get CP was a boy in DS1's class and his mum was posting on Facebook saying she was convinced it was CP he had but the Gp told her it couldn't be because he had already had it she even took him for a 2nd and 3rd opinion on this all the week still sending him to nursery despite being convinced herself it was CP.
At this point we didn't know teacher was pg and how bloody dangerous could that have been.

blackeyedsusan · 11/01/2011 22:22

what selfish people. I hope that you tell them exactly what you think of them and give them some infromation on the dangers of chicken pox.

I also hope that the tiny baby is ok.

What have the rest of dh's fanmily said about this. give thm the information too.

Swear word swear word swear word stupid imbiciles.

Bunnyjo · 11/01/2011 22:30

I would be bloody raging TBH.

FWIW, I sadly miscarried just over a year ago at 11+1 because I contracted chickenpox from DD. DD came down with chickenpox on Boxing Day because a stupid mother didn't want her pfb little boy missing out on the playgroup Xmas party. To cut a long story short, I had my immunity tested because of being pg and it came back positive - sadly my immunity wasn't enough to prevent me from contracting chickenpox and sadly losing my baby. It was confirmed that the mc was down to the chickenpox.

I have a few choice words for people like them - stupid fucking selfish idiots!

tholeon · 11/01/2011 22:34

I just remembered that I read somewhere that post exposure drugs can be offered to anyone who is high risk and has been exposed to chicken pox - so the little baby and anyone pregnant/otherwise vulnerable. Googled it briefly which confirmed this - so you can let people at the party know asap, and they can discuss it with their doctors.

bubbleymummy · 11/01/2011 22:40

Would the baby not still be protected by the mother's antibodies at that age? Presuming the mum had CP herself at some stage. Would also help if she was breastfeeding too. Very selfish for 'barry's' parents not to say anything. People seem very careless about taking their children out/sending them to school/nursery when they're sick.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 11/01/2011 22:50

Get yourself vaccinated ASAP! If you do catch the pox it should be milder if you get the vaccine ASAP xx

xstitch · 11/01/2011 23:22

Y are so NBU. When dd had chicken pox I was freaking out about the people I may have exposed to it before she became ill and before I knew she had them. I didn't even know she had been exposed as fuckwitted XH didn't think I would need to know that information.

As for them letting him hold the baby OMFG that is incomprehensible. Are you able to contact the baby's parents. I do hope it is OK. CP is relatively rare in babies that young but I can't understand why someone would put someone else's baby at risk like that deliberately.

xstitch · 11/01/2011 23:23

Meant to say vaccination wouldn't work post exposure as would not become effective quick enough. What the give post exposure is chicken pox immunoglobulin.

Starbuck999 · 11/01/2011 23:31

Op - YANBU, she should have told you. Cant believe she had the bare faced cheek to admit covering the spots up though!

Frequent Nutter - "my son had it when we were in Tenerife when he was four. We were lucky to hide it enough to get him home."

Surely you don't mean you covered his spots up in order to get him on the airplane? If so, you intentionally put a huge number of people at risk!

missalien · 11/01/2011 23:48

This is absolutely fucking disgusting and I hope you do not let her get away with it. My son is immunocompromised and has 72 hours to live after exposure to chickenpox before multi organ failure . Thankfully we have good access to hospitals and he has a little immunity now. The combination of his immunosuppressive medication and kidney disease leave little time to save his life.

I would lynch her.

FrequentNutter · 11/01/2011 23:57

Starbuck no he was certified okay to travel by a doctor we had to get a letter, but still tried to cover them so as not to scare anybody. I came out with them a week later when I got home.

GiddyPickle · 12/01/2011 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuiGeneris · 12/01/2011 01:04

YANBU. Would be beyond livid. Please call her and explain. How utterly stupid and selfish.

Blatherskite · 12/01/2011 06:59

If she tries to laugh it off or make excuses when you talk to her, I'd show her this thread too!

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