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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in regard to exposure to chicken pox?

104 replies

InWithTheITCrowd · 11/01/2011 19:13

I'm musing here. Don't know if IABU or not.
DS = 17 months old.
Family party (DH's family) on New Year's day. DH's cousin has 2 year old son, let's call him Barry. DS and Barry played all night together - drinking out same cup, having a great time.
Next day - DH's cousin sends me a text
"Just to let you know Barry has chicken pox. We did know yesterday as he had loads of pocks, but we covered them up so none of you would be concerned. Hope you understand - we didn't want him to miss out on party. Hope your DS doesn't get it. Sorry"

On one hand - most kids are going to get chicken pox, right? and I'm told the younger the better
But on the other hand... what the hell? why would you do that? They could have at least told us so we could have made an informed decision as to whether or not we exposed DS

Anyway - DS has got chicken pox - yesterday. I'm assuming from being exposed on New Year's Day (although that is, of course, an assumption)
Bad timing with work commitments and he's JUST started at nursery, so will have to have time off and also a couple of events that we had coming up next week which will now have to be cancelled.

I want to contact DH's cousin and tell her that I think she (and her DH) were irresponsible and shouldn't have knowingly exposed us. Or should I leave it well alone?

For the record - I haven't had chicken pox before, so will be mighty miffed if I bloody get it!

OP posts:

domeafavour · 11/01/2011 19:38

yes they are contagious just before the spots come out.
I can't believe that.
TBH I didn't know the pregnancy risks until recently, and I still don't think they are widely publicised enough, but I still wouldn't have done that for the sake of the other children, some are really poorly with chickenpox

Imnotaslimjim · 11/01/2011 19:38

Meant to say we checked with everyone else that it was ok to go before we left. I had to mis out on seeing my brother though cos SIL hasn't had them and she works with cancer patients so can't risk having them

ScotlandR · 11/01/2011 19:38

Agree with bupcakes. Bitch! Getting CP isn't a big deal, but it's bad form not to have warned you, ESPECIALLY with a teeny-tiny one around! What an inconsiderate bitch!

Having said that, at least your DS's had it now. Young skin heals better, so less scarring than if he got it as a teen, or later. And much less likely to get into a shingles cycle if you have it early on, too.

Bicarbonate of soda baths. Had it aged about 6. I had pox in my hair, up my nose, between my toes. I was in agony. Only thing that helped was bicarb in a coolish bath. RUINED my hair though, had to be all cut off.

Original poster

InWithTheITCrowd · 11/01/2011 19:40

Agh - you're right paisleyleaf - just checked. Gotta keep him in until they've finished scabbing over.
I tell you what, I'm sick of the sight of my house! Snowed in for a week, then we had 2 weeks of flu, and now this!. will I ever see the outside world again....?

I might take him round to hers to look after while I go to work!

OP posts:

mousesma · 11/01/2011 19:42

Chicken pox is contagious from a couple of days before the spots appear until all the pox have crusted over. If you are exposed to chicken pox in can take up to 21 days before the pox appear.

I know this because DD (6 months) was exposed to chicken pox by her cousin on boxing day who turned out to have chicken pox a couple of days later. I am staying away from all her baby groups which start again this week until I am sure she hasn't been infected because if she has got it she will be most infectious this week (shes got the all clear if nothings happened by the 16th).

It would be breathtakingly irresponsible to do otherwise.

They should not have attended the party. At the very least you should have been told before you went to the party so that you could have chose to stay away if necessary.

cairnterrier · 11/01/2011 19:42

Does the mum of the 3 week old baby know? It might be relevant if the baby falls ill in the next week.

Original poster

InWithTheITCrowd · 11/01/2011 19:42

Thanks for the bicarb tip ScotlandR

OP posts:

TheVisitor · 11/01/2011 19:42

CP has an incubation period of 7-21 days, and a child can be infectious from then until the last spot has scabbed over. Piriton, calamine cream (not lotion) and a few drops of lavender in the bath along with a liberal sprinkling of bicarb of soda is very soothing. Your DH's cousin was highly irresponsible and thoughtless. Too many people think that CP is just a simple childhood disease, without realising the complications that can set in.

Original poster

InWithTheITCrowd · 11/01/2011 19:44

Yes, she knows cairnterrier - I don't know if baby is poorly, but Barry was there all night long and even cuddled the baby :(

I hope she's alright.

OP posts:

mousesma · 11/01/2011 19:44

x-post

Original poster

InWithTheITCrowd · 11/01/2011 19:45

Thanks Thevisitor - I love mumsnet. you learn loads. much better than google! :)

OP posts:

SmethwickBelle · 11/01/2011 19:45

The incubation is almost always 10-14 days so it seems like your child definitely caught it from theirs. I can understand taking a child in the healing up phase out (when they're not contagious and as it can take an age for all the last scabs to fall off and you're likely to be totally stir crazy) but to have noticed a couple of pox and then take them out to a party - that is irresponsible in my opinion.

Some babes shake it off, my 3 year old did but my 6 month old at the time really suffered dreadfully, open sores in all his baby creases - heartbreaking, and his sleep in particular was screwed for weeks and so I wouldn't wish it on anyone's child.

thisisyesterday · 11/01/2011 19:46

yes, it is contagious before the spots come out because ds1 had it after playing with some friends children. she texted me the next day to say one had come out with chicken pox and ds1 got it 2 weeks later

pollywollywoowah · 11/01/2011 19:59

3yo DS barely noticed it.

2yo DD was very poorly. Woke up every ten fucking minutes for three nights crying saying "DD sore". It was an utter nightmare and if I have any more babies I will be paying to get them immunised without a doubt.

OP I would be raging.

tomhardyismydh · 11/01/2011 20:12

Cp is extremeley dangerouse dd was 3 and was unconsious for 3 whole days and feared infection on the brain had ct scan and antibiotics was on iv and seriously dehydrated. her little body was like one whole open weeping sore, she lost hair as a result.

once she regained conciousness they discovered a pox on her eye dangerously close to the iris which can cause blindness and had to have this checked daily.

Blatherskite · 11/01/2011 20:12

I would be furious. It can be very dangerous for you to catch it as an adult and that poor baby

camerondiazepam · 11/01/2011 20:20

Outrageous. Chickenpox can be v serious as other posters have said - my friend's father died of it and he was otherwise fit and healthy, never mind anyone with compromised immune systems. If people want to do the chickenpox party thing, well, on their own head be it really, but you should have been given the choice. Wonder what the parents of the ickle baby have had to say, I'd have been fucking livid.

CardyMow · 11/01/2011 20:41

Despite having had CP twice, I have no natural immunity to it. In November 2008, I was 17.5 weeks pregnant, I went shopping in my local supermarket and there was a lady in there with 2 toddlers in a trolley that were covered in obvious CP spots. I got out of the shop as quickly as possible. But not quickly enough.

Two weeks later, I came down with CP ( again ), and I lost my baby at 19+5, he was stillborn. CP can be a devastating disease, and for the sake of staying in for a few days, how anybody can put other people's lives at risk like this is just downright selfishness. There are plenty of people for whom CP can be much more serious than just a 'childhood illness'. Someone with a compromised immune system, i.e after a transplant, or for other reasons, someone undergoing treatment for cancer, those of us out there that have no natural immunity to CP, young babies, and plenty of others.

OP, YANBU to point out how selfish this mothers' behaviour was. At all.

I have actually today been informed that CP is going round my DC's school. By the headteacher, who sought me out personally to warn me given the situation 2 years ago, and the fact that I am currently 39+2 weeks pg.

If anyone took away MY CHOICE as to whether to expose myself and my DC to CP I would go fucking mental.

Sorry for rant/ ramble!

DastardlyandSmugly · 11/01/2011 20:43

I also agree with other posters - how dare they make this decision for you.

I always thought of it as fairly minor for most children until this summer when I was on holiday with a 5 year old who developed it. She was so ill and in so much pain she couldn't walk for 4 days. Her entire mouth was yellow pus, she had sores everywhere. She developed a secondary infection on top of the CP and it was just horrendous to see.

Also I know of two adults who have caught it. One collapsed and ended up in HDU, the other lost two stone in two weeks.

So cross for you and everyone else at the party.

saffy85 · 11/01/2011 20:49

YANBU I'd be fuming. Yes most DC will catch it some point, much better to get it while young and not as a teenager or adult but I think it's only fair to let people know so they have choice in how they react. For example if it had my 3 week old baby, I'd have chosen to not go to the party if they went with their poxy child.

And bollocks to the "so none of you would be concerned" and "we didn't want Barry to miss the party" Barry's selfish parents didn't want to miss the sodding party!

BerylStreep · 11/01/2011 20:58

My best friend exposed my DD to it when she was only 8 days old. We were beside ourselves with worry.

When DD finally got it aged 2, my DS caught it from her, aged 7 weeks. It was horrific, he had a compromised immune system.

I agree with others - I would go mental.

MissBeehiving · 11/01/2011 21:00

YADNBU. Call her on it. Selfish and thoughtless behaviour.

HelenLG · 11/01/2011 21:01

I was just thinking the same thing saffy, Barry's 2 years old, he doesn't care about a party...

YANBU, I would be furious...

Booandpops · 11/01/2011 21:07

Yanbu. Chicken pox can be very harmful to children or adults with compromised immune systems and pregnant ladies that havnt had it themselves.
It's selfish they were only thinking of themselves.

Booandpops · 11/01/2011 21:10

On the positive side fingers crossed Yr dc will sail through it and you won't need to worry again

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