to want to drop my teenage DD off at the SS office and tell them I've had enough - can they please take her away!

[CantTakeMuchMore]

I cannot stand the stress she creates in the house. She upsets everybody - she whacks her younger brothers who are starting to hate her, she shouts at us and tells us to get lost, even at her father, she even kicked me when I was pregnant! She has been sent home from school for refusing to go to lessons and has been on report for disruptive behavior numerous times. She is also failing in all her subjects. I am always up the school trying to find out what the hells going on.

She is 14 and has a secure home life. Her father and I have a happy marriage.

She has completely changed in the last 2 years and I am starting to dislike her immensely.

When she is in a good mood she is reasonable but even the slightest thing sets her off and she is nasty. She will not help out in the house and insists on doing all she can to please herself. We do not let her run the streets so I am pretty sure nothing terrible in the way of experimenting with sex/drugs/alcohol has happened to her, but she would have told me anyway.

We do not deserve this from her. We have always done all we can to make her happy. We tell her we love her, kiss her, hug her. She can talk to me about anything and she does and I am at a loss as to what to do.

Either her dad or I are going to loose it with her soon. I have tried to ignore her and put it down to teenage hormones but I am not going to accept it anymore.

Of course, I would never kick her out but I really need to rant!!! I cannot believe I feel this way about my baby girl .

oh i so know how you feel i also have a 14 year old girl who has been giving me hell over the last few weeks.

i have no worries when shes at school or when she goes out shes back on time and always lets me know where she is and so far never given me any reason not to trust her but her tantrums screaming and name calling are upsetting every one in the house.she goes off on one for no reason and taken to banging her bedroom door over and over again.

half of what she says dont make any sense but the screaming and abuse is just about sending me insane what with her sudden hatred for her older sister who im really close to. on the rare sane moments i have tried to talk to her she says she does feel loved and doesnt feel left out and i do make sure we have time together on her own.

last night after 3 days of constant tantrums i really felt like i was just about to lose it,yet today shes all sweetness and light.

Years ago I was told by a psychologist friend that if children are going to go "off the Rails" that the age for girls is 14 and for boys 17.

I would keep a close eye on her. Maybe take her out for lunch in a nice restaurant (just the two of you)

The poor girl is probably just as confused as you.

Make sure she isn't being bullied either at school or cyber space and then batten down the hatches.

Give her a big hug.

Perhaps she needs treating more like an adult.

Stop tucking her in & give her some responsibilities!

Re taking meals away-mine "have to" eat cooked meals at the table, but are allowed to take snacks upstairs-as long as they bring plates down.

As others have said, rather that you know where she is.

It´s a confusing time.

Mine is thirteen, tall & well developed for her age.

One minute a raging mess of hormones, another crying & wanting cuddles because she has period pains or just fed up with having her period & "it´s not fair" & she´ll be "having them for years now."

YANBU, I was horrible at that age, put my parents through absolute hell.. although our home and their marriage wasn't very happy so maybe that had something to do with it. My dad actually signed me over to social services in the end, it was awful! What I would suggest is some kind of councelling/therapy or getting her a mentor, in hindsight I think I was angry and lonely and didn't want to be around my parents but desperately needed someone to give me some guidance & support, any of these options would have helped, it's a very difficult age and she is likely going through a hard time too.

They don't call it a "difficult age" for nothing! Have a look at YoungMinds counselling service for parents, all free, just ring them up and they can give you a steer on whether this is normal or if you need to take action and if so, what:

www.YoungMinds.org.uk

Id start from the basics.
I would start by asking her how she feels in herself, is she tired after a good night sleep? take her to the doc and get her blood tested for anemia. If she is anemic she may feel lethargic and be snappy as a result. get a script for a high b12 suppliment from the doc, all women and girls should take this as itl boost her energy levels.

I imagine she is a bit depressed as she is older emotionally than her years and is frustrated she cannot do what she would like to. she needs something she is good at to encourage her feeling of self worth. Is there anything she really loves? start it once a week and from then as long as she does x y and z she gets to keep doing it. she needs a sense of acheivement- its what most youngsters are missing. If she is depressed get her some tablets from the doc or give her a herbal suppliment -it does the same job as the anti depressent (i cant remember the name, it starts hp soemthing a bit like ru21. if boosts the levels of seratonin in her body naturally.

you need to work on the basic building blocks, get her healthy and happy and the rest will follow

good luck