ok brief background, dp married before, bad break up 4 years ago, he has a 14 YO dd with XW, we have now been together about 3 years and have a 19 MO DD together. his relationship with his DD has always been very strained since the break up (due to XW doing her best to turn her against him) and when she found out i was PG with our DD, his older DD refused to see him or speak to him at all :( and doesn't want to meet me or her half sister. however in the last year or so, they have started talking again via text and msn etc although she still doesn't want to see him yet at least they are talking.
we get married 3 weeks on saturday. he knows he has got to tell his DD he is getting married and he is going to write her a letter to tell her. he doesn't think she will care (and she certainly won't be happy) but there is no way that he can't tell her, as it would devastate her if she found out later down the line he had got married and not told her.
but i think he needs to speak to XW first to get an idea of how best to broach the subject, before he goes wading in with a letter out of the blue. maybe it would be better coming from her mum, or maybe her mum has a better idea of how to tell her. as her mum will know her far better than DP does now. but he doesn't want to speak to his ex as they don't get on (to put it mildly) but i think he needs to put that to one side for the sake of his daughter's feelings.
what do other people think? how should he deal with this?