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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DS (4) go to his swimming lesson on saturday

26 replies

Choufleur · 10/01/2011 18:28

instead to the party of a boy from his class?

He's not even really friendly with this boy and I've paid for the swimming lesson. The party is at 9.30am.

I admit I might BU.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 10/01/2011 18:30

Wouldnt it be nice if he made friends with the boy? The boy must like him to invite him.

Ask your son what he wants to do, party or swimming?

diddl · 10/01/2011 18:31

What does your son want to do?

Can he swim & then go to the party?

Original poster
Choufleur · 10/01/2011 18:32

The whole class is invited. DS wants to go swimming and to the party. He can't do both as his lesson is 9-9.30am. and the party is probably a 20min drive away.

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 10/01/2011 18:32

what time is swimming?

any chance you could go to both and be a tiny bit late for the party?

Maybe he will become more friendly with this boy over the year. Incidentally I'm sure there will be other lessons you miss due to illness etc, will you mind about that because you've paid?

gingernutlover · 10/01/2011 18:33

so with ten minutes to get changed and 20 mins drive you could be there for 10? It's not impossible, and as long as you speak to the mum and explain they probably wont mind.

diddl · 10/01/2011 18:35

How long is the party?

He wouldn´t be that late, would he?

But then if it´s a whole class thing, they aren´t necessarily that friendly.

Original poster
Choufleur · 10/01/2011 18:35

No - if he's ill obviously i won't make him go.

It's a bowling party and they are starting bowling at 9.45am apparently.

Can't do both.

OP posts:
gingernutlover · 10/01/2011 18:37

Thats a pity. I think I would explain to him he cannot do both and let him make the choice.

AgentZigzag · 10/01/2011 18:43

I'd encourage him to go to the party, swimming is important, but he can do it every week and the party is a one off.

If you've paid for it and he doesn't go swimming, surely the fun he'd have a the party would be worth the lost cash?

mutznutz · 10/01/2011 18:46

Blimey, I've never heard of a party that early in my life Shock

Original poster
Choufleur · 10/01/2011 18:48

I know - it is early isn't it. and invites were only given out today.

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 10/01/2011 18:49

I've never been brave enough to organise a party to start any earlier than 3pm! That does seem v early for birthday celebrations.

I'm another one in favour of letting him miss swimming and go to party.

diddl · 10/01/2011 18:55

TBH, I´d consider the swimming.

It´s a class party-not like being chosen as a special friend.

Original poster
Choufleur · 10/01/2011 19:04

DS has said he wants to go to the party so there we go.

OP posts:
Lonnie · 10/01/2011 19:05

YABU if he wants to go let him go

diddl · 10/01/2011 19:07

"DS has said he wants to go to the party so there we go."

Looks like that´s the decision made,then!Grin

Anonymousbird · 10/01/2011 19:14

Party.
Otherwise all the others will talk about it, and he will miss out a chance to cement the friendships.

I often have this dilemma of clash with club/swimming/rugby or whatever and a party. Mostly the party wins, unless it is a tournament or something like that.

Their social life is very important, especially at that age, just stepping out in the world of getting to know each other.

Frustrating though, when you've paid for the activity!!!!

TubbyDuffs · 10/01/2011 19:18

I would miss swimming and go to the party. My son is 6 and if everyone was talking about a party they had been to and he hadn't, he would be very upset.

I would give him the choice.

sooz28 · 10/01/2011 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nzshar · 10/01/2011 19:59

DS does swimming but I would never stop him going to a party. IMHO parties are important to socialise. Imagine them all talking on Monday about the party and your ds can't join in. Even though I prepay swimming am realistic that there will be a few that ds will miss.

So yes YABU

PlanetEarth · 10/01/2011 20:15

I read an interesting point of view in a book (think it was Alain de Boton) about all-you-can-eat restaurants. Question: Should you eat all you can, and get the best value for money at the risk of feeling like a pig, or eat your usual amount and risk feeling financially cheated?

Now I know you're wondering what the point of this comment is, but the answer was:
You have already paid for the meal, the payment is in the past and irrelevant to your happiness. You therefore have a straight choice between eating lots or your usual amount, and if your usual amount makes you happier that's what you should do.

This translates to: you've already paid for the swimming, that's in the past. Therefore it is a straight choice between swimming and party, whatever makes you (and him) happier.

undercovamutha · 10/01/2011 20:20

YABU.

Ask your DS what he wants to do. It may not be the party of one of his close friends, but if all his best buddies are going to be going, then he will probably want to go too.

Lindax · 10/01/2011 20:20

ds would missing his swimming lesson so I would take him to the party on Saturday then take him swimming on Sunday to show me what he's been learning in his lessons.

purpleduck · 10/01/2011 20:22

Balance.
If he misses the odd lesson, but still enjoys going, I reckon thats a score.
If it becomes like a job and it is hell getting him there...not so fun.

I used to let mine miss one lesson per cycle

megapixels · 10/01/2011 20:30

YANBU to send him swimming and miss the party. YABU if the fact that you've paid for the lesson is the only reason you are doing so. You can't have spent your life savings on it fgs, it's just ONE swimming lesson so send him to the party, presuming that is what he wants to do.

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