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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for just one night where dd and ds sleep through!!

22 replies

mommmmyof2 · 10/01/2011 09:27

I have posted something similar on the sleep subject but now I am just getting so fed up and tired with dd especially as she is not sleeping through the night.

She is 6 and she is getting worse with her sleep, once she wakes in the night she screams to get either me or dh to sleep with her!

Now I have tried everything and nothing has worked, but I am getting worried as I have been leaving her to cry and moan but as it is every night she looks terrible.She is pale as anything and has big bags under her eyes.

I am trying to tell her she needs more sleep but nothing gets through to her.This then is having a huge affect on her behavour in the day.

I have been known on here for calling myself a softy and I really do need to try and be stronger but I feel I am loosing control now.

I can cope with little babies but she is 6 and she cannot catch up with sleep in the day.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 10/01/2011 09:30

Do you or dh sleep with her if she screams? Is she having nightmares do you think or just trying it on?

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 10/01/2011 09:33

I have slept with her sometimes and I no I shouldn't but it has just been the easy option.I do think it is a bit of both, she has said in the past she has nightmares so we bought her a dreamcatcher and tried to make a big thing about good dreams with her.

She also sleeps with fairy lights on in her room, I do think she is scared but when I ask her what of, she just shrugs her shoulders :(

OP posts:

Poledra · 10/01/2011 09:33

Is there something specific scaring her that could be changed? At 4yo, DD1 used to wake screaming about the 'dark people' (her words, not mine) coming out of the walls to get her. We finally worked out (with my dad's help, after my parents stayed over and slept in her room) that, when a car went along the street outside, its headlights swept over the room and the shadows raced along the walls......... One new pair of blackout linings later, she was fine.

ariane5 · 10/01/2011 09:36

oh dear, i know the feeling i too am desperate for a full nights sleep but seem to spend all evening and night making my way between the 3 dc who all wake up for various things throughout the night. its awful being so tired and whatever i try doesnt seem to work i wish i had a solution for you or could at least offer some helpful advice.

Poledra · 10/01/2011 09:39

Sorry, cross-posted before. I expect I'm only suggesting what you've already tried but could you do a start-chart or something for every night she spends in her bed on her own? Start off with stars for 'Nights where she wakes but you don't have to sleep with her' then, as things improve, go to 'Nights spent without waking mum at all'. The reward usually only needs to be something small - going to the shop to choose a comic or something?

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 10/01/2011 09:41

Thank you ariane5 it seems like you understand then having to get up too. It is some comfort sometimes knowing other people go through the same things and Poledra my dd is scared of the dark so I have tried fairy lights but still it does not work :(

But then there are other things she will say, she hates noises, but how do I stop noises.It is all very hard.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 10/01/2011 09:41

This is what I would do - tell her before she goes to bed that if she wakes up, ,it doesn't matter how loud she screams mummy or dad won't be sleeping with her. IF she wakes up, soothe her and put her back to bed pronto, sit with her for 5 mins max - no proper talking just reassuring her there are no monsters etc and it's just a dream. Tell her you'll be back in 5 mins to check on her. Maybe it's a bit of a habit that needs to be broken. I would expect to do this for a few nights but it must be same routine every night. I hope this helps a bit - you all must be shattered! We have had to do similar with ds and it's exhausting.

valiumredhead · 10/01/2011 09:43

Poledra I used to be scared of passing car lights too especially when we stayed with my nan in London where one went past every 2 mins. I'd forgotten all about it til you posted!

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 10/01/2011 09:43

Sorry I crossed psted too, Poledra thank you for all the advice, I did try a chart before and worked for ten days then stopped.

But I might try is again as it can't do no harm.

OP posts:

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 10/01/2011 09:46

valiumredhead actually I may try that as I have always gone in and reasurred her but never said I would check on her, I will definatly try that.

OP posts:

ariane5 · 10/01/2011 09:55

yes it is so hard isnt it i seem to settle one back to sleep, go back to bed get cosy, shut my eyes and then another one wakes up! iam knackered every single day i can never seem to shake off that lethargic un motivated feeling. i know it isnt their fault that they cant sleep (all 3 have medical issues) but it really really takes it out of me so i really sympathise with you.i drink a terrible amount of coffee to get through each day !

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 10/01/2011 09:59

Sorry to hear your children wake due to medical issues that must be very hard too, I am just hoping this is a passing phase but then there is no comfort in saying that when you feel so tired (as you no)

I think it is harder as well as life doesn't just stop and we have to carry on regardles of how much sleep we have had.

OP posts:

ariane5 · 10/01/2011 10:06

its true though that knowing you are not alone and that somebody else understands is a great help and comfort, i just sometimes wish i had a bit more energy to enjoy my children but im hoping things will improve ds seems to be waking only 2-3 times a night now whereas 3 months ago he was up about 6 times a night so there is some improvement! im just trying to stay positive

Hullygully · 10/01/2011 10:07

These fears come and go. I remember being regulalry terrified as a child and so am always v sympathetic to my dc. I find the easiest thing is to leave a mattress on the floor in our room and then any scared child can drag their duvet in and flop down without too much disturbance. It does all pass eventually.

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 10/01/2011 10:23

ariane5 it is good to stay positive, I hope things do improve for you. It is looking hopeful, do you have a dh or dp to help you?

Hullygully do you think if i did that and put a mattress in that eventually she will eventually just get out of it?

OP posts:

ariane5 · 10/01/2011 10:34

no, am a single parent, their dad sees them every day after work helps with bathing etc as they have condition where their joints dislocate a lot so i need help lifting them in bath etc but once they are in bed he goes home (he has same condition so needs to rest too) so nights i have to deal with myself

MooMooFarm · 10/01/2011 10:41

I was also going to suggest a sticker chart. My youngest went through a phase of not wanting to be in her room at all; it would take ages to settle her and then she would wake at least once in the night and freak out, absolutely terrified.

Just making a chart and buying a pack of gold stars instantly worked like magic (with the promise of a trip to the toy shop once the chart was full, obviously!).

I couldn't believe it was that easy, but it was - so is definitely worth a try IMO.

strawberrycake · 10/01/2011 10:43

I remember as a child my mum told me see popped in and watched me sleep before she went to bed each night and blew me a kiss, also when she got up to go to the toilet. She told me to tell me how much she loved me, but it also helped me stop being scared at night as I realised that even as I slept she looked after and watched me.

strawberrycake · 10/01/2011 10:48

I must say we all co-sleep in one room. It may sound strange to english people but it works for us and is more common in Ukraine. The largest room in our house is a sleeping room, all bed/ cots. No traisping around at night if one wakes. Not as tough as it sounds. We relax in other rooms in the eve (and have every other room free for sex!). Makes no difference who is there when we sleep, as all we do there is sleep. dsd naturally decamped to another room as a teen, but occasionally joins us still. In england it is unusual I guess, but it is easier not having separate rooms for everyone or this 'privacy' attitude. If people want space they can find another room to go to, it doesn't have to be 'their' room.

FabbyChic · 10/01/2011 10:49

Is she watching too much television and her mind is still racing when you put her to bed?

Can you not change the activities she does before bed, maybe put her in a nice warm bath to tire her out before you put her down for the night.

At 6 she should be sleeping through no problem.

Original poster

mommmmyof2 · 10/01/2011 11:09

ariane5 I am sorry to hear you have to do it on your own, my dh does sometimes help so I can only imagine how hard it must be for you.You sound like a really nice and positive person too, I hope your situation does start to improve.

Fabbychick yes I do think both dd and ds watch too much tv and too late.My mom was only saying lastnight I just maybe try settling them down earlier.It did work last night as they we in bed for 7 without a fight! So I will continue to try this.

And strawberrycake it does not sound weird it is just different and if it works then why not.But my dh does not like them in 'our room' or our bed so may not work for us.

OP posts:

ariane5 · 10/01/2011 11:16

thankyou and i hope things improve for you too

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