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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for not caring that I have 3 the same flavour

84 replies

gordyslovesheep · 09/01/2011 21:42

Just noticed that Victoria Beckham is expecting and oh yes - the press, various forums etc are already banging on about 'hoping it's a girl' and 'she's love a girl' and blah blah

when my second daughter was born my MIL said my (now ex) dh was disappointed - he wasn't but she felt he should be.

When my 3rd daughter arrived she didn;t visit for 3 weeks. Various 'friends' commented on her being 'the wrong' flavour and would we keep trying for a boy

what is wrong with NOT wanting a boy (or girl) - ex DH takes THE GIRLS to the football (one thing apparently he could only do with a son) and has no issue with their lack of willies

it makes me go grrrrr

OP posts:

Summerfruit · 12/01/2011 12:30

I have 2 dds and I'm really pleased ! I have the odd comment about me maybe trying for a boy. And it is true if I had another one, I would love it to be a boy but if it was another little girl I would be equaly happy !! I love little boys and I'm lucky enought to look after some thanks to childminding !!

Poledra · 12/01/2011 12:39

I have 3DDs. Everyone assumes that we only had DC3 to try for a boy. Now, while I know DH would have liked a son, his main concern was for a healthy baby (he has worked with very ill babies in the past, so knew even more than most of us about what can go wrong ). And he delights in his 3 rambunctious daughters and smugly informs me that a) Teenage daughters hate their mothers and love their dads, so he's on a winner there (actually, no, DH, you cannot drive so I hold the trump card I think!) and
b) the birds and the bees talks are my responsibility

I don't think my case was helped by me swearing up and down when DD2 was born that We Weren't Having Any More, No Way, No How Changed my mind after about a year or so........

chipmonkey · 13/01/2011 11:12

Poledra, I said that after ds1 but now have four.....

maighdlin · 13/01/2011 12:03

why do people care? provided my future dc's have two arms two legs and a head i couldn't care whats between their legs.

Newgolddream · 13/01/2011 12:38

I can identify with so much of peoples experinces here, as I have 3 boys, again people assume we are desperate for a girl - I wont lie and say it wouldnt have been nice but the ridicolous comments can be nasty. After discovering DS3 was blue I got a "what a shame", I really did!

Im now 40 and am ttc again, no idea if it will be succesful but DH and I want another baby, and whilst I would be over the moon if it was pink am fully expecting if I do fall for it to be a boy lol. No doubt people will think what they like anyway. I would never have ttc again if i was going to be devastated about the possibility of it being a boy.

A girl i know has 2 boys and has recently had a girl, and the comments range from "thats your family complete now youve got your little princess" (would it not be complete if it had been a boy???) to nonsense about family being balanced.

Its as if your not complete unless you have a child of the same sex, this works both ways so it for men not having a son and women not having a daughter, dont get it, i hate the implication my families not good or special enough because i dont have a daughter.

Congratulations to all the pregnant posters to!

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 13/01/2011 14:59

I think all the media reporting "hope it's a girl" etc surrounding the Beckhams (and no doubt the entire pregnancy) is really very tasteless, ghastly & awful. I'm ignoring it.

FoghornLeghorn · 14/01/2011 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

smileyfacestar · 14/01/2011 22:26

I have two girls and I would be over the moon if I had a third and would not appreciate comments about 'trying for a boy'. I will feel awful for the Beckham's fourth child if it is another boy.

frida75 · 15/01/2011 00:26

YANBU

I have 2 DS and am 20 weeks preggers with DC 3... and have been put off finding out the sex of this one because EVERYONE is so obsessed with me having to have a girl for my life to be complete!!
I get so cross! Why wouldn't I want another fabulous boy like the 2 I already have and why would having a girl be 'better' ... people still comment on how I must long for a girl even though they know I've had 4 miscarriages since DS2 and a baby of any flavour is pretty much a miracle to me

bit ranty - sorry

Lonnie · 15/01/2011 01:00

YANBU

I have 2 dd's a ds and then anoher dd

when dd2 arrived I really wanted another dd because I liked them to have each other and be close (2 years between them) when dd 2 arrivd loads said "ohh are you disapointed" ohh to bad.. ohh next time?? and it came to a head when my lovely grandfather asked me " do you mind?" and I replied "NO IT WAS WHAT I ORDERED" when I felt pg with ds (no 3) I had so many " ohh trying for a boy " and frankly a girl would have been easier than a boy.. so no I wasnt trying for a boy i wanted anotehr baby.. nwo he is here Im thrilled to have him but I didnt try specifically for a boy.. when we announced we were expecting dd3 (no 4) I had loads of "why you got the boy now"

I have 4 beautiful children 1 happen to be a boy their flavour really doesnt bother me but I wouldnt want my family any other way.

emmyloulou · 15/01/2011 01:03

YANBU. Funnily enough I was in VB'S position.

3ds's all by c-section, so like her, I knew my 4th go was my last time.

We wanted 4 kids and guess what, we just had a girl. I wasn't fussed btw, I would have loved a boy too. I was shocked to be having a girl.

But the comments I used to get!!!

StartingAfresh · 15/01/2011 01:07

This sex thing is silly.

I have a boy and a girl, so naturally we would be irresponsible or just plain silly to go for another one when we have one of each wouldn't we?

It drives me nuts? And it makes me cross that my DH doesn't know what to say to his mum when we tell her that we're expecting again.

elliejjtiny · 15/01/2011 04:33

I've got 3 gorgeous boys. When we told people ds3 was a boy we had so many negative comments. People kept saying that DH would miss out on walking a DD up the aisle and doing an emotional speech at her wedding but DH is rubbish at emotional speeches and after growing up with 2 sisters I've found being the only girl in the family quite refreshing. And anyone who thinks the best clothes are for girls would change their minds if they had seen my ds1 last summer being a page boy and wearing a suit and waistcoat.

bobala · 15/01/2011 04:47

I have 2 DSs and never wanted girls so was delighted. On my 1st trip out with my 2nd DS my next door neighbour came up with the classic 'oh what a shame you must be disappointed'. I was very glad I wasn't suffering from PND or I imagine that comment may have been hard to take - what was hard to take was my (now ex)H's obvious disappointment at not having a girl and subsequent lack of attempts to bond with him, which in a large part contributed to me ending the marriage and him now having a 12 yr old DS who won't speak to him and constantly says 'I dont even like him, we have nothing in common' despite me only ever being 100% positive about his Dad infront of him and doing everything I can to encourage them to bond.

aPixieInMyCaramelLatte · 15/01/2011 07:01

I have 2 boys and got the whole what a shame comments when we found out dc2 was a boy.

I really want 3 children (regardless of sex) but I've already had people asking if I'll be trying again for a girl. I just reply that, No, when we try again I would quite rather like a puppy.

I'm not looking forward to the comments about having a girl when I am pregnant again though.

Why can't people accept that a child is a blessing, regardless of sex?

JustKeepSwimming · 15/01/2011 07:15

I have 2 boys, 6months pg with DC3 (a surprise) and get the comments all the time.

As DS2 ended up with brain surgery following severe epilepsy (he's much better now:) ) i can honestly say we just want a healthy one thanks and it's shuts up anyone who knows about DS2.

I actually veer between thinking a change might be nice, to a change will be terrifying, can i stick with boys now please?!

My side of the family does tend to have 2 of each so i always expected that growing up, but not so sure now.

JustKeepSwimming · 15/01/2011 07:16

Oh and locally, it's really weird but everyone we know has the same sex, mostly 2 so far, but several 3's and I'm due next so everyone is waiting to see if we've followed this weird trend or if we'll break the mould.

MargaretGraceBondfield · 15/01/2011 07:21

I wonder if she's had any 'help' with this baby too. Still, I had two boys and was really hoping for a girl. It does happen!

Now I have two boys, girl, boy.

4andnotout · 15/01/2011 07:58

I have 4 dd's, when we found out that dd4 was another girl even Mil said better luck next time

My sil has 4 boys so we even it up a bit :)

MargaretGraceBondfield · 15/01/2011 08:10

As far as I can work out more people with boys would prefer a girl than people with girls wanting a boy. Nothing scientific just people I know.

flossymuldoon · 15/01/2011 08:29

No YANBU.

I know someone who was DEVASTATED when she found out that her 1st was a boy and cried for weeks. She is now having her 2nd baby and has found out that it's another boy - so she's doubly devastated.
Actually her family are really pleased she's having a boy as they were worried that if she had a girl then the poor little boy would be pushed out completely.

After 6 years of TTC/fertility treatment we are adopting and have just been matched with a little boy. At one time part of me secretly hoped that we would be matched with a girl (but if i'm honest for very superficial reasons), but we are just absolutely bloody thrilled and honoured that SS has decided that we would be the perfect parents for this little boy. He is much longed for and will be treasured irrespective of his 'flavour'.

Particles · 15/01/2011 09:03

Yanbu. I have a boy and one on the way, already having loads of comments along the lines of "Oooh, wouldn't it be nice to have a girl this time!" But I really REALLY want another boy, especially when I see how close DH is to his brother of a similar age gap! NB would obviously be delighted by a girl too, just don't see why I should be hoping for a pink one over another blue!

Deciduousblonde · 15/01/2011 09:13

I have not long found out that I am having a 4th girl.

My mother said ''Never Mind''

MargaretGraceBondfield · 15/01/2011 09:41

Flossy....How lovely, Congratulations!!

PrincessScrumpy · 15/01/2011 09:48

I am pg with dc2 and have a girl. dh and I were talking about it the other night as people assume we want a boy. dh wanted a boy first time (not majorly and wouldn't change dd for the world) but now he quite likes the idea of having his girls. I don't get the whole one of each thing.

I just want a healthy baby (and possibly one that sleeps a bit as dd didn't for ages)

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