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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Materialism - sick of it

70 replies

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 19:37

Since OH was made redundant in October I've been in denial, which finally came to light when I checked my bank balance after New Year. I think I have had a denouement; realise that the things I thought could make me happy have not. NowI long to just pay my bills on time, pay the mortgage without worrying and occasionally go out to cinema/for a meal with OH and enjoy spending time with my DD.
However it's tough, likeI'm not allowed to just be happy with that. Even reading my favourite magazines -0 Grazia and Marie Claire - left me feeling hollow and empty.
I'm going to have to reconcile my feelings with what is around me. How do I do that?

OP posts:

sarah293 · 08/01/2011 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bupcakesandcunting · 08/01/2011 19:39

Hmmm, I don't know.

Someone will be along shortly to tell you to make a pasta necklace

Original poster

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 19:41

I think I should probably ban these mags, that's a start, they are aimed at selling stuff to make us feel better. But walking round our town centre today, I did feel a little sad that I couldn't just go in and buy the Kitchen Aid (not that I really want or need it). What is wrong with me?

OP posts:

Original poster

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 19:42

At least it will occupy my overworked mind (the pasta necklace that is)

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 19:42

I think honey you are suffering a wee bit from depression. Will take time for the downer to lift

slartybartfast · 08/01/2011 19:44

i think its the time of year. january is miserable. you are used to retail therapy. there are a lot of us tightening our belts.
post christmas blues and all that.
you need cheering up someother way.

Original poster

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 19:46

Hi FabbyChic - that may be true. But I do think I need to re-prioritise what will make me happy long term, and I've been going for the short-term fix. I did turn 40 last year, so maybe 'mid life criris' has finally hit me. I do have a lovely DD though, who appears to have gone to sleep (second night of a control crying routine) so I'm going to enjoy precious time with O|H.

OP posts:

BelleDameSansMerci · 08/01/2011 19:46

When I was having a hard time financially a little while ago I stopped buying/reading women's magazines. It really did help. I'm very materialistic (my NY's resolution is to earn more money so that I can metaphorically stick up two fingers to austerity). I like nice stuff but I've been where you are and removing the temptation of magazines can really help. If you don't know about something, you won't want to buy it...

Good luck and I hope that things turn around really quickly.

Original poster

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 19:52

Slarty, you are right sooo,
Cheap things I can do to cheer myself up:

Running first thing before 9am (if tomorrow morning it's sunny even better).
Take my daughter to the park: with OH after run.
My mum has offered to come round to look after DD at midday so can do DIY facial - I have lots of Dermalogica from my 'extravagant'days - can give myself a soothing face mask. I can give OH a facial too, he gave up smoking and drinking six weeks ago, so he needs a treat too.
Spend time reading to DD, then make her a really delicious dinner of fish fingers, roast potatoes and (healthy bit) mixed veg.
Drink lots of water, I'm sure this will help somehow, have cranberry squash in cupboard from Christmas.
MAke a list of things in my life that are good.

OP posts:

Original poster

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 19:54

BelleDame. Thanks, am glad to hear that. I reckon those mags don't help when feeling financially stretched. x

OP posts:

Original poster

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 19:56

Even just the simple action of going on Mumsnet (I only went on to get sleep advice for restless toddler) has helped, in just a few minutes I feel better I hope you all have a happy new year.

OP posts:

StiffyByng · 08/01/2011 19:57

I used to feel like you but went through a really tough time over a couple of years and realised, without trying (I'm no saint with willpower) that I'd stopped caring about STUFF. Don't get me wrong, I still appreciate nice things, and I'm lucky enough to be able to have some, but the lifestyle of my dreams is forever out of reach, and it doesn't bother me. This offers you no solution, but I think your action plan sounds good and positive.

And read Take a Break instead. You'll feel fortunate after reading that!

onceamai · 08/01/2011 20:01

OP - I'm having difficulties with this. My sole objective has always been to pay the mortgage, pay the bills on time and have the occasional night out. When that is done (probably before the nights out) there may be something left over to spend on the DC, the house, holidays, me - in about that order. I cannot understand how you have not checked your bank account since October.

I regularly pick up glossy magazines and put them down again because I think they are too expensive - why do you want what's inside?

Adair · 08/01/2011 20:04

Am trying to do 'the best thing that happened today' with dd (making a postcard each day). Is fun and makes me smile when I look back at last week already.

Go to moneysavingexpert.com and get inspired to be thrifty!

If you like the feeling of 'spending', give yourself a fiver every week/fortnight/whatever, to spend on whatever you want (in the pound shop?). I tend to find I am really, really, thrifty and thenhave a blow-out (though thankfully don't spend too much. Just annoying)

Write a wish-list of all the things you plan/'need' to buy, and then when you have some money/are in the pound shop/Sainsburys/Wilkos etc you have a focus.

And you can read mags for free in the library!! And books of course...

Def about working out what makes YOU happy though. Think of 25 things that make you smile... (sights/sounds/smells etc)

chocolatepuff · 08/01/2011 20:08

hi smartie
its hard not to want to buy stuff and have nice things, we live in a consumer society that dictates to us that it will make us happy.

think back to the happiest time of your life so far. how prominently did money show itself? my happiest time was when i went travelling round australia a few years ago and i couldnt have been poorer -eating the cheapest food, staying in dives, i didnt buy myself a single thing, all money went on going out and getting around. and i felt so free, it was the best time. when i spoke to friends back home who would tell me what they'd got up to, all they could really tell me about was their latest topshop splurge or similar. i remember it sounding so boring and unimportant!

anyway, you seem to feel this way too. you sound like you are grateful for what you have, and will be able to instill these positive traits in your dd.

ssd · 08/01/2011 20:08

op, I know what you mean,.
the ses mags are designed to make us feel crap if we aren't a size 10/12, have lots of wondeful female friends/sisters ready to drop everything at a minutes notice that we met at school, our own family friendly business that employs 100 people and fits round school, a bit detatched house that is filled with gorgoeus things that are always clean and a wonderful family

as well as every latest thing like a new bag/winter coat/ summer raincoat that we can't be complete without

in other words, they are full of crap!

TheCrackFox · 08/01/2011 20:08

I have found that I am so much happier not reading magazines and the Sunday supplements in papers.

Besides, they cost a fortune and you can't afford them. Stop reading them and you will never go back to them.

ssd · 08/01/2011 20:10

not the ses, I meant these mags!

Original poster

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 20:12

Hi oncemai- I am actually thrifty, check bank account everyday -we had unexpected bill of £500 for car, and before OH made redundant we did have a rainy day savings fund. Which has been exhausted. This is the reason why I posted, I don't want what's in the magazines but am trying to make sure that I want what I have now and was asking others how they do it.
Adair - I'm going to do that 25 things that make you smile - it sounds just the thing.
And Stiffybny - I'll go the library and read Take a Break

OP posts:

ssd · 08/01/2011 20:14

actually, also buy the big issue, then you realise your good fortune

Original poster

Smartieismycat · 08/01/2011 20:17

Thanks chocolatepuff
I was my happiest the day after I had my daughter, we both nearly died during her birth (hospital f**k up, my pregancy and her health fine until they induced). I guess I just appreciated being able to breast feed her, even though only able to for a week, was still lovely.

Now that's something money can't buy.

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LC200 · 08/01/2011 20:18

Definitely Take a Break. I was at the hairdressers today, and it is a fairly swanky hairdressers as I have problem hair and scrimp and save to go somewhere decent. However, omg at the magazines! I am perfectly happy with my life but they made me feel like an utter failure for not living in a London mansion with a gorgeous man 10 years my junior + perfect kids and lifestyle. I am fairly sure no-one's life is actually like that, but it did rock me.

When I got home I read Mumsnet for a very long time to cleanse my aura. I also asked my hairdresser to ensure that she had some crappy mags about actual real people in for my next appointment ;-)

LC200 · 08/01/2011 20:18

When I got home I read Mumsnet for a very long time to cleanse my aura. I also asked my hairdresser to ensure that she had some crappy mags about actual real people in for my next appointment ;-)

Mists · 08/01/2011 20:23

at reading MN for a long time to cleanse aura.

Adair · 08/01/2011 20:38

I love glossy mags, but then am not sure I really do lifestyle envy particularly (I like my life!).

I think for me, being creative is a key part of anti-materialism and getting hands-on with stuff - making and creating rather than buying... I love doing stuff with dd and enjoying the process too as well as the end result.

INterested to hear others responses as this is important to me this year too. Kind of simplifying.

Quoted this at our wedding:

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds
If you're worried and you can't sleep
Just count your blessings instead of sheep
And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings
(from White Christmas)

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