to be fed up during family meals with my niece and nephew?

[CheerfulYank]

We're getting together with the ILs soon to celebrate their anniversary, which is always nice and I'm looking forward to it. HOWEVER.

My SIL refers to her DC (my niece is 3 and my nephew is 5)as "the pickiest kids in the world! Honestly! They won't eat anything!" She says this constantly, in front of them, and so of course they don't. There are always things that they would eat (cheese, bread, etc) but she's concerned that they won't eat enough and always brings extra food (tubes of yogurt, bags of Doritos and chicken nuggets, usually) to feed them despite there being a wide range of dishes that everyone has brought. (Before I get flamed, let me point out that I don't care what people feed their kids at their own home, but TBH I think it's a bit rude to bring a sackful of food when our MIL has prepared a lunch. I mean, there's always something they'll eat and it's not like they'd starve in the space of an afteroon.) Anyway.

The last time we got together (Christmas) SIL gave her DC their tubes of yogurt and then immediately began apologizing for not having brought one for DS. "I'm so sorry, I could run and get him one (they live right next door), etc," I thanked her but said he was fine and would eat what was there, no big deal. She then apologized to DS, who frankly hadn't even noticed his cousins were eating something different. My nephew was sitting right next to DS and everytime DS would eat a bit of food my nephew would comment. "What is that? Baked beans? Ew. I only like green ones, I hate those. What are you eating now? Ham? Gross! Don't eat that!" A few times I said as nicely as possible, "Oh DS likes lots of different food; people don't have to like the same things," etc. SIL did not say anything. Then my niece announced she would only be eating cookies and my SIL literally begged her for ten minutes to try a bite of something else. My niece refused and finally my SIL let her eat four cookies and nothing else. (Besides the yogurt, obviously :))

I want to put that my DS is certainly no angel, I had to pull him aside a few times and warn him to behave through gritted teeth discuss his behavior with him, so this isn't a PFB thing or anything. And there's nothing I can do about it really, I just wanted to vent! :) So AIBU to be a bit wary of having lunch with the family?

Sounds like it'll be fun

Take a huge bar of chocolate for DS to have after he's eaten his lunch. When the neice and nephew notice, just politely inform them it's his reward for eating his lunch and you didn't bring one for them as they never eat their food

Or just ignore it. If DS is happy then I guess you'll just have to grin and bear it.

YANBU but I agree there is not much you can do about it.

I think the most annoying factor in this is that it would just get so tiresome listening to your SIL pandering to her DC's - count yourself lucky that your DS is not half as bad, grin and bear it then go home to normality :)

Oh I like signet's suggestion. I can see that having a lot of veerrry interesting repercussions. Go on. Do it. You know you want to

yeah the chocolate!! Do It!!! I'd love to have the balls lol

I must admit the idea has some appeal. :) I try not to make a big deal with food where DS is concerned. I just put a bit of everything on his plate and he eats what he wants. I usually put a small bit of dessert on his plate with everything else as I don't want to get into the whole "eat this and you can have something good" because I think it makes the main meal out to be a chore you get through to get to the good stuff. Occasionally he'll ask for another cookie or piece of pie or whatever and I'll just tell him to eat a few more bites or his veggies first. And then my nephew will chime in "I get as many cookies as I want and I don't have to eat any carrots!"

Lovely little guy... :o

Yes yes OP your parenting is superior. Is that what you wanted to hear?
Talk about bragging by stealth.

Of his veggies I meant.

YANBU
These kids are my half-brother 15 years ago. my step mum always took him a lunch box of garlic bread, white rice, prawn cracker and sweets.
" he will eat nothing else" she would whine constantly

He still eats the same as an adult and its weird he will go to a restaurant with a little Tupperware box of white rice and ask the waiter to heat it up for him

Theres a bit fussy and then theres really fussy! Your neice and nephew sound like a complete nightmare - they are walking all over your sis and so glad i don't have to feed them. I think the continual comments from them would annoy me. If your sister can't be bothered to make a stand - you should. Be firmer and more direct. Tell them to be quiet if they have nothing nice to say - and keep telling them this over and over again. Or when they start on your son - point to their plates of cookies and tell them they need to eat a more varied diet and that doritos/nuggets are very unhealthy.

That's the thing, I understand that there are some children who are truly pickier than others, but it just seems rude to me. If it were my DS I put a bit of everything on his plate, as I do now, and then if he only ate the cheese and pickles or whatever...well, he wouldn't starve by dinnertime would he?

allnightlong, my thoughts exactly!!!!!!!!

I think it's too late for your niece and nephew to change easily now if your SIL did start putting a bit of everything on their plate. Are you saying you put a bit of dessert with the main course? Or did I misread that?

I'm afraid I am of the school that providing my DD eats a bit of everything on her plate she can have dessert. Works like a charm if it's a good dessert too.

I don't think you're bragging but maybe that's because I know you well enough on mumsnet, I think you're just trying to flesh things out and explain things well. As others have said there's nothing you can do about it really but it would irritate the hell out of me. Hopefully your DS will continue to take no notice and won't start copying them as he gets bigger. That'd be my worry Cheerful.

I think your sil has created major food issue's with her dc's tbh .

I'm with you Cheerful - DS usually eats anything...but with one friend (whose mum does similar to your SIL), he will insist on having whatever friend's mum has brought. He is not like that any other time and it drives me mad. Don't know what you can really do about it though. Like the idea of "It's delicious!"

Right, tea! I hope it doesn't come across that I'm bragging at all because I don't mean to. It certainly nothing I did, DS just isn't picky. He just came that way, so I can't take credit for it. It's just the rudeness that I mind.

Yes I do put a bit of dessert on his plate, usually, but he always eats everything so it's not an issue at this time. (We almost never have dessert at home so it's usually a special treat) :) If he were pickier I might do things differently. :)

Oops that post wasn't meant for this thread, how did I do that? I'm sooo embarrassed

How old is your ds? My dd ate everything until she hit 2 and a half, now she is a bugger fussy.

Oh get over it. They're not your kids so just sit and be smug that your son will eat whatever. Yes, she sounds a bit dubious but I am sure you do things that she thinks are utterly ridiculous and creating your own problems too. And she is probably ultra-paranoid about your judgey-face, hence not being consistent - she might do it differently at home.

Yes. Your issue isn't really the other dcs pickiness, it is the fact that they are being negative about other peoples food . Bad manners .

I had a friend of dds who used to do this with her mothers encouragement. In the end I stopped inviting her around as it became such a pain in the arse. Ds2 has massive pickiness so that wouldn't bother me but the 'eeuuuw that is horrible' behaviour is pathetic.

Btw imho this isn't bragging by stealth. I think that is a very small minded interpretation of ops post. I have been in this situation and it is bloody annoying.

PMSL adair, I was waiting for that. I do not judge what she feeds them at all, as I stated I really don't care what she feeds them at home or whatever. What I do care about is her son sitting there criticizing every bit of food that goes into DS's mouth. And I'm not smug because I had nothing to do with DS's eating habits. He just came not picky IYSWIM. My next one might refuse to eat anything but crackers, for all I know, and I still wouldn't let him/her behave that way. So simmer down a bit, darling. :o Oh, and I always go out of my way to be ultra-friendly and non-judgey to SIL because she is so ill at ease and apologetic.

Violet he's three and a half.