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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up during family meals with my niece and nephew?

61 replies

CheerfulYank · 08/01/2011 18:08

We're getting together with the ILs soon to celebrate their anniversary, which is always nice and I'm looking forward to it. HOWEVER.

My SIL refers to her DC (my niece is 3 and my nephew is 5)as "the pickiest kids in the world! Honestly! They won't eat anything!" She says this constantly, in front of them, and so of course they don't. There are always things that they would eat (cheese, bread, etc) but she's concerned that they won't eat enough and always brings extra food (tubes of yogurt, bags of Doritos and chicken nuggets, usually) to feed them despite there being a wide range of dishes that everyone has brought. (Before I get flamed, let me point out that I don't care what people feed their kids at their own home, but TBH I think it's a bit rude to bring a sackful of food when our MIL has prepared a lunch. I mean, there's always something they'll eat and it's not like they'd starve in the space of an afteroon.) Anyway.

The last time we got together (Christmas) SIL gave her DC their tubes of yogurt and then immediately began apologizing for not having brought one for DS. "I'm so sorry, I could run and get him one (they live right next door), etc," I thanked her but said he was fine and would eat what was there, no big deal. She then apologized to DS, who frankly hadn't even noticed his cousins were eating something different. My nephew was sitting right next to DS and everytime DS would eat a bit of food my nephew would comment. "What is that? Baked beans? Ew. I only like green ones, I hate those. What are you eating now? Ham? Gross! Don't eat that!" A few times I said as nicely as possible, "Oh DS likes lots of different food; people don't have to like the same things," etc. SIL did not say anything. Then my niece announced she would only be eating cookies and my SIL literally begged her for ten minutes to try a bite of something else. My niece refused and finally my SIL let her eat four cookies and nothing else. (Besides the yogurt, obviously :))

I want to put that my DS is certainly no angel, I had to pull him aside a few times and warn him to behave through gritted teeth discuss his behavior with him, so this isn't a PFB thing or anything. And there's nothing I can do about it really, I just wanted to vent! :) So AIBU to be a bit wary of having lunch with the family?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 19:09

I think your SIL made them that way.

Not good that they eat no food but have constant treats, I'd hate to see their skin when they get older, acne galour.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 08/01/2011 19:10

Thanks, paggy, I'm really not a smuggerton, I've got nothing to be smuggy about, I promise ya. :)

Oh that's ok tea, I liked reading your post even though it's on the wrong thread. Sounds fun. Now get to that assignment, you!

OP posts:
borderslass · 08/01/2011 19:10

YANBU DH's sister is like this with her D spoilt brat only eats cheese pasta, bread, processed meat and copious amounts of sweets and chocolate. She is 14 this month and stamps her foot and gets whatever she wants and has always ben allowed to speak to people any way she wants.

onceamai · 08/01/2011 19:15

The pickiness wouldn't particularly bother me but the ill mannered behaviour of the SIL who actually provides alternative food from that of the host would. If they don't like what's on offer they should be taught to say I'm not very hungry but I will have a little bit of ..... rather than rejecting what's offered.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 08/01/2011 19:19

Just saw allnightlong's comment, sorry. No, I don't want to hear that my parenting is superior, but thanks anyway. (It isn't, btw, SIL is ace at a lot of things) I just wanted to know it I was BU to be a bit wary of eating with them. And too be honest I wanted to vent, because I would never talk about SIL to anyone who actually knows her. :)

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/01/2011 19:20

If I were your ILs, OP, I'd have something to say to your SIL. It's the height of bad manners for the children not to eat - or at least try - what's put in front of them.

As an IL, I'd get SIL to leave the additional food at home - or ask them to arrive after the meal.

You, however, should keep out of it. :)

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 08/01/2011 19:20

Yes, thank you, once, that's my point exactly. As long as you're not giving them arsenic soup I really don't care what you're feeding your children. It's just the manners angle that bothers me.

OP posts:
Adair · 08/01/2011 19:20

Oh, it's fun to judge sometimes - and good to evaluate/review/affirm why you do the things you do in your household. I was just a little bit surprised that you seemed unaware that she might be judging you too (eg with the dessert on the plate thing - "My annoying SIL puts a cookie on the plate WITH his dinner, why can't he wait for it like a normal 3 yo?"*)

And you might be trying to be look non-judgey but she is prob still ultra-paranoid about it... I do agree about rude comments - didn't see that before. Unfortunately, part of our job as parents is to prepare our kids for dealing with rude children who haven't been brought up with as well as we do Grin.

*FWIW I wouldn't really care about doing this too, but can see the other side of it.

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/01/2011 19:21

Oh dear it would drive me insane if a child made a running commentary of "urgh I don't like that" whilst watching one of my dc eat.

I think you should just tell him to eat his food and let ds get on with his dinner without making rude comments about it. Say
"just because you don't like something doesn't mean we all need to hear about it" - your SIL is obviously not going to say anything. You are an adult, speak up!

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 08/01/2011 19:24

Right, bibbity, but I don't know where it crosses a line IYSWIM. I don't want to be rude, either.

OP posts:
pagwatch · 08/01/2011 19:26

Yes, that is what I would probably do.
I would say to the child ' It is fine that you don't like the food but to keep saying yuk is very rude and a bit babyish'
Very few children like being told they are being babyish'.

Ds1 got a huge blocking from me once for saying ' no broccoli mum, can't stand the stuff'.
Dd thought ( still thinks) that ds1 is the second coming and she started looking at her broccoli with suspicion.
Unfortunately children are suggestible.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 08/01/2011 19:27

I can too, Adair, and lots of times the dessert (if it's something more elaborate like a cake or something) isn't even brought out until the end of the meal. But if it's just a cookie or something I'll put it one his plate with everything else.

And I agree, I know that SIL often thinks I am too hard on DS so I know it's just a matter or perspective. :)

Thanks-I really did want to know if I was BU, not accolades on my fabulous parenting. (I can't even write that with a straight face; if you only knew! :o)

OP posts:
Original poster
CheerfulYank · 08/01/2011 19:28

Right pagwatch, whatever happened to just saying "No thank you" ? Confused

OP posts:
pagwatch · 08/01/2011 19:28

Not blocking at all .
Big fat bollocking...

Here we have a mantra..' if you don't like anything just leave it on the plate. We don't need a whole conversation about it'

HumphreyCobbler · 08/01/2011 19:30

my son is a picky eater and I often just take along a cheese sandwich when we go out as it is just EASIER not to have that particular battle in front of loads other people. Especially if I want to have a nice time myself, if DS eats nothing he will be grumpy as hell.

He is polite though, and I would never let him comment on food that other people were eating.

I think it all sounds most unpleasant to be around and I wouldn't like it either.

wonka · 08/01/2011 19:32

Agreed Pag, but I do also tell mine its very rude to comment on what someone else is eating.

onimolap · 08/01/2011 19:51

I have a child whose behaviour at table can be that horrible (the other one is pretty normal, thank goodness).

I often don't correct "in public" (especially with family, following some great undermining moments).

Even with detailed briefing before an event, the little beast has still done it.

Short of infanticide, what else could I try?

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2011 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moondog · 08/01/2011 19:57

God she sounds like a pain in the arse.I can't bear peopel who pander to their kids like this. Turns them into monstrous despots.

Earthakitten · 08/01/2011 19:57

I don't really give a crap what other people feed their kids actually.

This is just a thread for you to bitch about someone else's parenting. Why?

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 08/01/2011 20:20

It isn't what they eat, Eartha, so much as it is the constant comments on what my son is or isn't eating.

And because I wanted to vent, because it annoys me. And I wanted to know if I was being precious. :)

OP posts:
Earthakitten · 08/01/2011 20:21

You just need to teach your kid to learn that sometimes other kids talk shit and he needs to ignore them.

You can't control how other people bring up their kids.

theevildead2 · 08/01/2011 20:35

No you can't but surely you can be annoyed about it? Especially if it is going to undo the OP's work in having a chlid that eats? WHat happens when he starts getting fussy because his cousin said somethign was disgusting

elmofan · 08/01/2011 20:37

I would be worried about ds starting to follow in his cousins footsteps , i don't think you are BU at all cheerful .

elmofan · 08/01/2011 20:38

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