to be fed up during family meals with my niece and nephew?

[CheerfulYank]

We're getting together with the ILs soon to celebrate their anniversary, which is always nice and I'm looking forward to it. HOWEVER.

My SIL refers to her DC (my niece is 3 and my nephew is 5)as "the pickiest kids in the world! Honestly! They won't eat anything!" She says this constantly, in front of them, and so of course they don't. There are always things that they would eat (cheese, bread, etc) but she's concerned that they won't eat enough and always brings extra food (tubes of yogurt, bags of Doritos and chicken nuggets, usually) to feed them despite there being a wide range of dishes that everyone has brought. (Before I get flamed, let me point out that I don't care what people feed their kids at their own home, but TBH I think it's a bit rude to bring a sackful of food when our MIL has prepared a lunch. I mean, there's always something they'll eat and it's not like they'd starve in the space of an afteroon.) Anyway.

The last time we got together (Christmas) SIL gave her DC their tubes of yogurt and then immediately began apologizing for not having brought one for DS. "I'm so sorry, I could run and get him one (they live right next door), etc," I thanked her but said he was fine and would eat what was there, no big deal. She then apologized to DS, who frankly hadn't even noticed his cousins were eating something different. My nephew was sitting right next to DS and everytime DS would eat a bit of food my nephew would comment. "What is that? Baked beans? Ew. I only like green ones, I hate those. What are you eating now? Ham? Gross! Don't eat that!" A few times I said as nicely as possible, "Oh DS likes lots of different food; people don't have to like the same things," etc. SIL did not say anything. Then my niece announced she would only be eating cookies and my SIL literally begged her for ten minutes to try a bite of something else. My niece refused and finally my SIL let her eat four cookies and nothing else. (Besides the yogurt, obviously :))

I want to put that my DS is certainly no angel, I had to pull him aside a few times and warn him to behave through gritted teeth discuss his behavior with him, so this isn't a PFB thing or anything. And there's nothing I can do about it really, I just wanted to vent! :) So AIBU to be a bit wary of having lunch with the family?

Yanbu cheerful, i like to think i know you quite well now and you certainly are not judgey.

i wouldnt allow the boys any type of dessert unless they had tried eating some dinner, same goes if they want a biscuit after lunch.

your sil sounds like she has given in to easy

Their rudeness is awful and I appreciate how horrible it must be to have to listen to that and for your kids to have to listen to their nonsense.

However, clearly you have no understanding of the absolute awfulness involved in being the parent of fussy eaters - 3 times a day at home you go through an ordeal, and eating out of the house means that ordeal is conducted in public to boot. Taking food with you everywhere is not something you do for fun, it is damage limitation, and desperation. Honestly, unless you live with this you do not understand how awful it makes the mum feel.

So by all means pick up the kids on their appalling manners, but please cut the mum some slack because she is probably going through hell.

I would go with a surprised You dont like HAM??? WOW that surprises me how sad as "I" Think it tastes lovely... REALLY you dont like PEAS?? but they are so delicious... You dont like sweetcorn either ?? really I am beginning to feel very sorry for you not liking all these lovely things ..

or simply go with a. " its fine you dont like it but not all that polite to comment on other peoples food is it?"

YANBU

Kickbutt I know I don't understand as I haven't gone through it, and I didn't mean to be judgey. However, as I said, there usually are actually plenty of things that they will eat: cheese, crackers, bread, pickles, etc.

It really isn't about their eating habits; I'm not one of those who thinks that people "make" their DC picky or not, and I'm not being smug about my DS. I didn't do anything to make him not-picky, and believe me you (we're going through a tough phase at the moment) it's one of his few virtues right now! :o

TBH I get the impression from this that thier mother doens't want them to eat the food. Maybe she only wants them to eat the food she gives them. Sounds as if by announcing that they're picky, she's reminding them they're not to eat anything there.

She has real food and control issues the mother.

Ok, taking food for fussy eaters is not that unreasonable.

However, I would be really, really aannoyed at the comments the not so dear n and n make about your ds and what he eats. that is unkind and impolite and their mum should say something.

perhaps you could say, "oh well you might like it when you are older"

Oh and i think everyone is entitled to feel smug about something their dc is doing because we can be damn well sure that the world and his wife have got an opinion on what your dc is not doing and are making sure everyone knows about it. Just be quietly smug, thats all

I am a very picky eater myself, and I would hate to be made eat something I didn't like.

I will eat any fruit or vegetable but I hate most meats, the smell of red meat cooking makes me sick. I was vegetarian for a number of years, but now I'll eat chicken and fish.

My DM always cooked lamb or beef, I used to retreat to a different room with a clothes peg on my nose and eat a few slices of soda bread instead. If i had been forced to eat the dinners or even be in the same room I would have ended up in an institution.

My reasoning is if a child does not want to eat something, don't force them. It'll put them off food for life.

I don't mind other people's children being picky since it is not my responsability to feed them, but I agree it would be frustrating if in social gathering rather than having a fun time, most of the attention is on the fact that this two kids dont eat well...let them go hungry!! When they are ready, feed them!

My SIL complains that her doughter would never eat any fruit and than add that she did not blame her DH since she herself did not eat much either. So I opened up an orange for my kids and offered some to her doughter too. She looked at her cousins and helped herself to some...there was no fuss! She did not eat a whole orange, but propably the most she had ever eaten...

You're right lady. That's why I never mentioned anyone forcing anyone to eat anything.

CheerfulYank - YANBU.

If there's food there they would eat they should, without needing additional stuff, however, I suppose at Grandmas should be like being at home so it woudn't really bother me for them to bring stuff... I would probably roll my eyes a bit though Different if there genuinely wasn't anything there they liked.

As for their manners - atrocious, but I'm not sure there is much you can do except talk to your children beforehand and try to arm them with 'comments' without actually criticising their cousins.... 'Oh I like eating vegetables because I want to grow up strong, have good eyesight, have long hair' - whatever works for your family. Or else say to your DN/DN 'That's not a nice thing to say, no-one is commenting on your food,so please don't comment on DS's - it's not polite' I have no problem in telling off other peoples children if they wont do it themselves and family barely count as 'other peoples' anyway.