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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell this mother about her dd's unkindness?

32 replies

emkana · 07/01/2011 21:47

Dd has had the results of her grade 2 violin exam today - she just scraped a pass, which is fine. The girl in her group got three points more than her, following which she jumped up and down and chanted "I've got more points than emkana's dd" she did exactly the same thing after their grade one. Aibu to want to tell the mum, who I'm being quite friendly with, about her dd's unpleasantness? Not in a horrible way, just to make her aware?

OP posts:
BluTac · 07/01/2011 21:49

No don't tell her. It sounds like you're telling tales. Just teach your dd that it's not nice to be like that herself.

geezmyfeetarecold · 07/01/2011 21:51

YANBU to want to tell her and you can fantasize about it as well as whacking her on the head with the violin...nasty girl! ....but I certainly wouldnt. She is a child after all. Actually doing it would BU

pagwatch · 07/01/2011 21:51

No
It cannot achieve anything and it will end badly

Either the mother is unaware and will be gradually teaching her dd to be generous.

Or her mother will not see it as bad

Either way your interference will only either distress a nice mother or irritate an indifferent one.

Concentrate on telling your dd that 3 points does not matter and the only result that matters is that she did well and made you very proud

Booandpops · 07/01/2011 21:51

I wouldn't It's not worth fighting your dd battles in this case IMO. It will only make you look silly/petty Kids are kids and some are show offs- Hyper competitive etc. Just explain to Yr dd that you are very proud of her acheivments no matter what anyone else says about it
Well done on her grade

LisaD1 · 07/01/2011 21:53

You need to educate your own DD to take no notice, the other girl sounds slightly irritating but what she is doing is very mild in the grand scheme of things school girls do to each other.

I have had similar with DD1. I have encouraged her to only worry about her own results, as long as she does her best then that's good enough for us and her, she shouldn't worry herself with other people's results.

Easier said than done I know but I don't think telling the other child's mum will achieve anything.

Mamathulu · 07/01/2011 21:54

Yes, I'd probably agree with blutac here - but how horrid for your dd though - why did they get their results at the same time? As a cello teacher myself, I would have tried to avoid this happening wherever possible, but I guess if they share lessons it's a likelihood.

Unmnetty hugs for your dd, but Grin for passing G2!!

Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 21:56

This girl is in year six, my dd in year five, so at least my dd wont have to put up with this kind of thing after the summer!

OP posts:
swanandduck · 07/01/2011 22:04

She sounds like a little shit, but your dd will be meeting people like that all her life so she might as well get used to ignoring boastful cows now.

pagwatch · 07/01/2011 22:09

Or she may be second best a lot at home. Or she may have not learnt when competition is healthy. Or she may be jealous of ops dd for some reason.

Kids tend to be boastful if they crave attention for a multitude of reasons. Very few, aged about 10, being a shit or a cow

swanandduck · 07/01/2011 22:15

Well, that's true Pagwatch. I retract that comment.

pagwatch · 07/01/2011 22:20

Blimey swann

What an unusual thing on mumsnet.

I would say something like 'respect' but I would sound like a twat. Again

Grin
Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 22:21

It's one of those occasions though when I know what's right and good and reasonable and still...

OP posts:
edam · 07/01/2011 22:25

oh how disappointingly reasonable of you both, pag and swan. Can't you have a ruck or something? In ye olden days when I was young, there were definitely children who were unpleasant little . I don't think they can all have been suffering terrible trauma. Some people just aren't very nice. Although am prepared to join in this reasonable-fest and agree THIS little girl may well be perfectly nice 364 days a year and just irritating about violin grades.

Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 22:27

Ha! Took her and my dd to the school where they attend orchestra and she said "I'm glad I won't be going to this secondary school, this one is for thickos"

Whatd'ya say now?

OP posts:
BluTac · 07/01/2011 22:30

Ok, kick her in the fanjo, I've changed my mind. Then tell her mum why!

edam · 07/01/2011 22:33

Good grief. OK, she IS a little . You know the mother, is she getting this from home or somewhere else? Maybe she has a poisonous Granny or something?

Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 22:35

I blame the dad, every time I see him he goes on about his dd's intellectual superiority.

OP posts:
BluTac · 07/01/2011 22:36

You've got to feel sorry for her, she's not going to be very popular if she keeps going on like that.

pagwatch · 07/01/2011 22:37
Grin

Still can't blame girl. I have an age of consent on shitness.
Before that it is usually poor sum mat going on elsewhere.

I do have challenging girl in dds class. I try to think happy thoughts and only imagine the crotch kicking thing in the privacy if my win thoughts

edam · 07/01/2011 22:37

Oh dear, what a stupid man.

Tryharder · 07/01/2011 22:42

When I read your OP I thought you were being a bit unreasonable because i imagined you were talking about a 5 or 6 year old.

Then I read that she was in Year 6 Shock. Still wouldn't say anything though, it might look like sour grapes.

sue52 · 07/01/2011 22:46

She's only a little girl so there's hope for her yet. If she is still as irritating in a few years time then she can be called a poisonous little .

SkyBluePearl · 07/01/2011 22:56

teach DD to stand up for herself by pointing out the behaviour herself ie)saying to horrid girl 'thats a nasty thing to say'

FabbyChic · 07/01/2011 22:58

I'd not mention it, just tell your daughter there are bitches everywhere and to take no notice as she is better than that.

Original poster
emkana · 07/01/2011 23:11

How about a little cutting remark to the girl herself when I give her a lift? Can I? Pretty please?

OP posts:
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