... to be honest about not wanting sex and refuse to fake it?

[FredCarnosCircus]

DH wants sex far more than I do. He would probably do it every other night (settling for 1 in 3, possibly). I feel desire about twice a month or so.

Reasons why ... I have always had a low(er) sex drive. We have two small children and raise them in quite a hands-on way that leaves us bog all personal time. We also have quite a stormy relationship and I often don't feel appreciated or particularly loved. We don't share a bedroom at the moment, which us historical (baby related), bur which I actually prefer.

Current circumstances: after I read the riot act pre-Christmas (when he was being such a bad tempered tosser and sleeping with him was the last thing I wanted to do), he has recently been rather lovely. It took me a couple of weeks to trust it was going to last, but we finally had a rather marvellous time in bed on Tuesday night. Since then, he has been on and on and on and on and on to have sex again.

I just ... don't want to yet. I don't want to lie or fake it, either. I don't enjoy rejecting him, but - FFS, leave me alone!

Should I fake it? The idea seems so degrading.
What do you lot reckon? He's sulking and will probably be a tosser tomorrow ...

earwicga please stop misquoting me - I have said I DO NOT consider sex to be anyone's right. What do you mean by 'in the same manner' exactly?

curlymama I was just about to ask the same thing?

earwicga forgive me if it's against the rules or unreasonable of me to ask, but are you in a happy relationship at the moment? I respect your privacy if you don't want to answer .

It's just that if you are looking at this whole issue in the context of having sex with someone you don't love/don't find attractive/don't want to be with then this would explain your posts. If I didn't love or want to be with my DP then there would be nothing to be gained from compromising on sex or any other area of our relationship. But as I love him and care about him and want to be with him forever it's in my interests and his interests and in the interests of our whole family unit for me (and him) to compromise and be fair about every aspect of our relationship.

DozyDoll I was thinking along those lines too.

I read people's replies very carefully, including (especially) those with which I disagreed or didn't really enjoy reading.

So here's the bottom line: having complained that DH was sure to hassle and complain last night, I realised he wasn't going to. He was in a good mood and was affectionate, but never once mentioned sex.

He does do what I describe, but maybe not to the degree I feel he does. I suspect I am so generally averse that I over react to any advances.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I felt very tender towards him (and a bit ashamed?) and so asked if he fancied getting friendly (euphemisms ... crap!). He tried to divert it towards a full symphonic performance, but I gently pointed out that the baby would probably wake up soon and we should get cracking.

It's not the best sex I've had and it felt awkward for a while, but then we warmed up and it was alright!

Thank you to the people offering all sides of this. I posted it in AIBU hoping to get honesty rather than only support (although that was incredibly welcome and thank you for it).

I think there is more room for compromise than I felt there was. Although I did still initiate sex: I still don't think I want to 'go along with it' if I'm not in the mood.

Thanks again x

Two bottom lines, there... I meant to edit ...

I think you both need to give and take here sounds like you have both got into a rut. Wimple you do sound bored by him equally if he is being horrible you are hardley going to be into it are you?

mind you my DH always wants blowjobs which I give in to very rarely. A def no no without any alcohol.

DugOut Well done! At last a man who can give a man's point of view. A very good doctor can help, honest.

I think there is a difference between saying "well I'm not entirely in the mood but it's been awhile so all right," and being dead set against it and forced into it. Am a bit that anyone would thing otherwise. I've been on both sides of that coin, and trust me, there's a huge difference.

Think, not thing.