to think if you want a new qualification get on benefits!!

[TheFeministParent]

WEll not really but I have just learned a cousin of mine, after leaving her partner and taking her three dcs to live in one of the roughest estates in England (another story), has just started a degree course. As a single parent of three living in a HA house she's allowed govt help to get educated...which is great, we should support people who want to educate themselves out of poverty. However I would love to do a bit of post grad study whilst my dcs are at home (in evenings) but I can't afford it, literally have nowhere to make savings...it will make me more employable following a HUGE break to have dcs.

So why can't I get help? I have as little disposable income as my cousin.

All you have to do is go to www.open.ac.uk and look at their list of courses. There are many different levels and you can take modules at your own pace to eventually make up a degree.

I also took a short course which cost £200.

As for finance you can take out a loan with OUSBA which breaks the fees down into monthly instalments. That way it is quite manageable.

"And I honestly think once you have children it is their right to have decent access to both parents, unless one has been abusive."

So in return for losing her home and her freedom, her ability to work long/unsociable hours, her social life and so on - which is what happens to many when they become lone parents, a woman should be further punished by being MADE to live in a certain area?

I find that viewpoint incredibly offensive and a huge affront to civil liberty and am surprised that it comes from someone with the nickname of The Feminist Parent.

What's wrong with the father moving to be nearer his kids if he is so concerned?

What's more, I would add that unless you were part of the marriage you have no real idea what went on in it... and that might have included abuse on the husband's part.

The rights of the children are paramount for me I'm afraid. Noone has any right to deny a child access to a parent, noone.

He volunteered to leave, she could have had the house, she had 15 years worth of friendships in that place and her oldest dd was 11 years old. Being a feminist does not make me want to discount the importance of having two parents.

He is an award winning Police Officer, he lives close to his very unwell mother. My cousin had a job, a house and friends. She moved away to attend a school reunion and never came back.;

My violent exh was a police officer. Just saying like....

So why did he not prevent the move ?? Would have been simple

She didn't tell him she was leaving and they're not married. The oldest child predates the law that would allow him to stop her.

He was one of many meal tickets for her, first my parents, then a bf, then him, they probably weren't suited at all. She ran up loads of debt and he was very tight. 300 miles denies access, a 13 year old is not going to want to spend every holiday with her Dad. She told various people that he was violent to get help and a house and he was a risk to the dcs. But funnily enough three months later she went on holiday with her new bloke, so it seems she forgot. She also told people that my parents kicked her out and she had nowhere to go which is why she moved in with her bf and told everyone that my DH is violent and beats me up.....she's a liar.

I'm thinking the woman did well to get away.

get away with it, you mean?

Your account sounds totally implausible. You say yoyur parents funded this person, before a boyfriend and then this policeman. But the eldest child from the relationship is 13. So the behaviour you are complaining about happened at least 15 years ago, and yet you are using it to make a judgement about whether or not her partner has abused her recently.

Why didn't the partner take her to court over the youngest two, if there is no valid reason for her to move?

No dear. I don't.

Stop resenting, scapegoating and focusing on another woman. Use your energy to figure out a plan for yourself.

Do you know what I do when I'm doling out cake and one child says "Wah wah wah, he's got more than me!!!"?

I take the cake away, until they both agree that it is better to have some cake than no cake, regardless of what other people have.

People whining about benefits are like pigs at a trough, fighting and biting when they think another pig has something better.

Cold.....I am not whining about people on benefits, at all. I would just like access to funding.

I'm sure the little piggies aren't biting the other little piggies out of jealously - just that they would like some of that juicy swill too.

She left home and came to live with my parents (after a two year spell with her mother and sister when she was 9ish) she did not pay rent, she then sponged off a bf she didn't really like but still lived with my parents, for about three years. She got pg at 23 with her first baby, she is now 13.

I guess her partner thought that he'd want them to stay with their mother, he is rather old fashioned. TBH I think they would be better off living in a place with very little crime, drugs and violence....their mother does not.

Haven't read the ins and outs of the devil cousin, but OP why do you not get a student loan?

I did my PGCE - got a student loan, took a mortgage break for a couple of months, borrowed a little from parents, etc etc and cobbled together enough for 9mths of not earning.

Actually I don't get why it is a problem if you are not earning now? I had to compensate for lack of earnings, eg paying my part of the mortgage.

Still paying back my loans now but almost finished and I am completely retrained.

Go out, get a loan, once you've got a job, work and pay it back - simple!

It was only last week that I sat down and thought about what I could do to improve the income of this house, with DH working away for four weeks out of the next six getting a job isn't an option. I have two dcs not yet at school. So I thought it would be a good idea to retrain or hone my business skills with a course.

Maybe their mother thought they would be better off away from their father. The truth of the situation is that her behavior bears no relevence to your situation at all. She is not in your situation, she is in her situation, and you can't swap.

Why do you think she has chosen to live on a rough estate rather than a lovely house? Why?

have a good hard think about why she has chosen to live there. The only reason I can see from what you've said is that her ex was abusive and she needed to move away from him.

i totally agree with your argument. im single parent on benifits doing a degree course.

you should have some support, however as myself ypour cousin will be very hard up reciving possibly only around £100 a week in benifits and still have a student loan to pay back. so she will be no means well off.

"with DH working away for four weeks out of the next six getting a job isn't an option. I have two dcs not yet at school"

Whyever not? I've brought my two children up alone (and without any support from family or friends whatsoever) from the time they were 21 months old and 7 weeks old. How do you think I provided for them?

op have you considered doing your masters though OU they alot of financial support availible to people in your situation.

Val's right, you know.

wrt the cousin - she sounds a bit of a fruitloop. Accusing your dh of abusing you is just bizarre. Unless of course it's true

On the other hand, just because she's a fantasist, doesn't mean she's not been abused.

My brother is 25 and getting about £3500 on top of his loans in grants etc, it's just better to be self sufficient and assessed on your own rather than parents income whilst at University.