to ask people playing music from their phones without headphones in public spaces to turn them off?

[Stangirl]

This happened to me this week sat waiting in a hospital for my 12 week scan. The person next to me was playing music off their phone so everyone could hear it. I thought it was extremely rude but didn't say anything as I was anxious about my upcoming scan and thought the conversation might take a turn for the worse. I've had this several times recently - particularly on buses. Am I BU to ask them to turn it off, or put headphones on?

Oh and OP - I hope your scan was ok

YANBU. Imagine the din there would be if everyone had the selfish attitude of 'it's public space so I'll do what I like'? I get annoyed when I can hear someone else's ear phones let alone if they are blaring out music knowing full well that other people can hear it. Utterly bad manners.

YANBU. Imagine the din there would be if everyone had the selfish attitude of 'it's public space so I'll do what I like'? I get annoyed when I can hear someone else's ear phones let alone if they are blaring out music knowing full well that other people can hear it. Utterly bad manners.

Not boasting, but my experience of asking people to turn their music down is a 100% success rate, and this on London buses and tubes and in stations etc. generally, people will be reasonable and I wonder if the fear of people kicking off is out of all proportion to the reality. Only one person (young Italian weirdo, and I mean weirdo) has ever been rude about it, and even he capitulated.

I find if one is very very nice about it, especially in front of others, it is too hard for the offender to get huffy or horrible-they lose face rather than score a point. And the rougher-looking the bloke, the more he responds to /my dear','lovey'and similar endearments. And a nice big smile and thank you once they've done it keeps everyone happy.

The sad thing is that in my direct experience a lot of people out there (especially white working class young men, young black people, teenagers generally) just never have ANYONE be polite to them in all these everyday situations. People so often have a go. When they do get a pleasant, polite request they are more likely to be disarmed by it than annoyed about it.

Well said, Eldritch.

What Eldritch said. My experience of being courteous to teenage boys in this situation was exactly that: I, a complete stranger, asked them to do something as a fellow member of civil society and they were so surprised at not being treated ipso facto as hooligans that they were quite happy to oblige.

Think its easier for a woman to politely ask a teenage boy to desist than a man. Unless of course he is an enormous 50 cent type chap.

OP YASNBU how depressing someone would behave like that. Badly brought up.

I'd have shoved it down their throat, odd people find this acceptable - but the world is becoming more chavvy

xfirsttimemummyx "I think its MORE annoying to hear half a song and bass coming out of headphones"

If other people can hear the music from your headphones you have them too loud and/or you have crappy headphones.

I'm guessing xfirsttimemummyx will feel slightly self conscious next time she subjects the entire bus / library / funeral parlour to her N-Dubz... But it will kill her to admit it.

Aaarggh - Riven I thought you were against it. By saying that surely you're encouraging non-headphone usage?

Wow - I'm amazed that anyone would think this was ok, and in a hospital of all places. It's the absolute height of rudeness, whichever way you look at it.

I tend to do what Eldritch suggests (as long as the offenders don't look like they could hurt me) - generally they look shocked and comply immediately. (The same approach applies with litterbugs - another strangely accepted anti-social behaviour!)

Kids playing their music through the speakers aren't necessarily doing it to be aggressive.

I saw some interviews with teenagers once (some ghastly focus group thing for work which turned out to be fascinating) where they were talking about music and mobile phones. Surprisingly, most of them just wanted to share stuff that they thought was really cool. One of them even talked about how he tried to size up the people around him and work out what music he could play that they'd like and respond to. He really saw it as his mission to introduce us fuddy-duddies older people to new music.

I've looked at it in a new light since then - and been much more willing to ask teenagers (politely) to turn it down.

Oh yes, and OP - YAdefinitelyNBU. Doing this in a hospital waiting room is completely out of order.

people who do this are scientificaly proven to be knobs.

YANBU

Ooh, litterbugs, Tallulah, I hate that! Why do people do it?

MrsvW They definitely do in South London.

OK - I take heart from the views here that next time it happens I could ask politely for the person to stop and I would not BU. For the record, I don't find young people intimidating nor view them as "other" but I didn't challenge yesterday because I thought my stress and hormone level might cause me to overreact if the person didn't comply quickly or proffer an abject apology.

I once shouted at a gang of young men who had just "steamed" me and stolen what they thought was my mobile out of my handbag. I yelled at them that they merely had my glasses case which was of no use to them and they had better return it to me on the busstop whilst I turned my back on them for 10seconds and should be ashamed of themselves. They returned it and I boarded the waiting buss to applause from the other passengers. This isn't actually relevant here but it has reminded me of one of my proudest moment and I'd thought I'd share.

Stangirl, I'm in awe at your handling of the steamers. Wow. [hunts for standing ovation emoticon]

I don't get this 'just doing it to be cool and share' thing. How can entire groups of teenagers be unaware that other people find it annoying? There are signs all over public transport telling you not to do it, and surely at least one of them has to have a parent who has said 'don't do that, it is rude.'

What is steaming please?

Someone tried to mug me in a subway once about ten years ago. I punched him square in the face and floored him. Then had a massive panic attack when I got away.

Bup "Steaming" is when a group of people rush another person or people (often through a crowd on a street or on public transport) wit the intention of taking anything they can grab out of pockets/bags etc. Love your mugging story - sorry you had a panic attack.