to ask people playing music from their phones without headphones in public spaces to turn them off?

[Stangirl]

This happened to me this week sat waiting in a hospital for my 12 week scan. The person next to me was playing music off their phone so everyone could hear it. I thought it was extremely rude but didn't say anything as I was anxious about my upcoming scan and thought the conversation might take a turn for the worse. I've had this several times recently - particularly on buses. Am I BU to ask them to turn it off, or put headphones on?

Josie you seethed with rage....really?

I find it irritating, but as it's a very small portion of my day I let it slide. Certainly wouldn't seethe with rage.

I can understand not wanting to talk to scary looking teenagers/young people (although it's not always young people, god knows). But I do think it's really important that people stand up to CHILDREN who act like bloody idiots in public. They need to know that people are not scared of them.

People who do this - I'm wondering how they would feel if someone came along with a giant pair of speakers and drowned out their tinny music. outraged?

nah - they'd think it was great!

YANBU to ask.

I was on a train the other day, and two teenage lads were listening to their vile R&B nearby. I asked them politely to turn it off, and they went bright red and did.

I was a lot less polite when I was sat on the 7:07 morning commuter hell train and some middle-aged bloke was listening to vile 'mood music' on those horrible white iPod speakers that leak ALL THE SOUND EVERYWHERE REALLY FUCKING LOUD. After a few minutes of eye-rolling and shrugs with the other passengers I tapped him on the shoulder, woke him up, and asked him to please turn his music down as it was annoying the whole carriage. He looked really embarrassed

Sorry Josie didn't see that you'd already recommended Talk to the Hand. Although two recommendations won't hurt. I think if more people read it (including some of the MNetters on this board who shockingly seem to think this behaviour is acceptable) the world would be a better place.

Since when did having/ wanting to see some basic manners make you 'princess tippy toes'?

Actually OP, I think it's really off that none of the reception staff at your health appointment said anything to the rude person who was playing music out loud. It shouldn't be up to the patients in that situation.

McHobbes, yes, seethe partly at them, partly at myself for not saying anything and letting public spaces get taken over by people with no manners or consideration for others

I don't condone it - I'm just saying that it's really not worth anyone's rage. Why get yopurself into a fash over some inconsiderate arsehole with whom you will share 15 minutes company?

Buy an ipod and listen to your own tunes...or the radio. Don't bother sitting there fizzing - you're only playing right into their hands.

Bit different to this but was on train one day and someone's phone kept playing music, over and over again. Everyone was tutting and eye-rolling. Eventually I went to find the "culprit" and it turned out to be the ringtone of a teenage boy who was deaf and probably SEN and had switched his hearing aid off and gone to sleep .

He was mortified, as was everyone who overheard the conversation and had been thinking "selfish tosser" previously.

On the other hand, there has (in my experience) been an increase in people being anti-social by losing their tempers in public spaces in response to other people's alleged anti-social behaviour.

People should think carefully and make sure their response is measured. I have thrown my copy of Talk to the Hand away because I think it encourages anger in public places.

TwinklePants, glad you're a fan too! I think it should be compulsory reading

OTheHugeManatee, forget the Major - YOU are now my personal hero! And you're giving me the courage to start challenging people too. Good for you, you should be proud, you're very brave

It is obvious that playing music without headphones in public places is thoughtless and disrespectful, thus it is only done by people who put their own gratification above anything else.

What would it be like on the bus if everyone was playing their own music? Or are the concepts of common-sense and consideration too difficult for these idiots to understand?

It isn't just a debate on public spaces in general though, I think there is some sort of line where is becomes unacceptable. In parks in the summer, people fairly spread out and able to move easily is okay, buses not really okay but I can see why some selfish people might think it is, but in a hospital waiting room this is definitely a horrible way to behave IMO(playing the music, not getting wound up about it). I would class hospital waiting rooms alongside libraries, museums etc. where a certain degree of respect for your surroundings is necessary. People aren't waiting through free choice able to just walk away, relaxing and chilling out are not the primary aims of the space (unlike parks) and it isn't socially acceptable to even talk on your phone in most hospital waiting rooms (most have "turn off mobiles" signs.

When we've sorted out the people with too loud music on the headphones can we all get together and duff up the ones that play very loud (and usually rubbish) music in their cars with the windows open in the middle of winter? If it were summer, fair enough. But as it's winter it means you're happy to be freezing cold simply to annoy everyone else... and you are therefore a noise-polluting arse.

I'm never shouty, but occasionally something really gets me and I'll (usually trying to be polite) have to have a word, often with a complete stranger.

This guy tailgated me all the way to the station a few months ago, even though I was driving safely and at the speed limit all the way and he had a shit car. So when we got out at the station, I went over and told this six-foot middle-aged bruiser in a pinstriped suit that what he was doing was stupid and dangerous.

Dunno if it ever made any difference though. I think he was just angry because he thought he ought to have been driving a nasty Audi and wasn't But sometimes you do have to tell people.

YANBU. I got a car back in the early 90's but in recent years, I have been on a few long train journeys and been subjected to the frankly torturous phenomenon of having to listen to someone's second-hand music just because they don't care that others can hear. It's like having tinnitus.

Someone mentioned noisy kids on public transport. Not the same at all. As long as the parents are making some sort of an effort to keep order, kids being noisy is just kids being kids. You can't keep kids quiet all the time. You can CHOOSE to turn that irritating music down or off though but only if you give half a shit about anyone else

Milly can I ask how you think a book about manners encourages anger in public places? Does the author advocate headbutting people on trains who have loud conversations?
(there's an idea...)

I have to say that I am one of those people who (probably a little bit irrationally) does seethe when I see people being really rude and antisocial in public. I probably would have always felt this way, and certainly did before I read the book.

xfirsttimemummyx - I wouldn't think that you were going to fight me, but I would think that you had never been taught any manners and were probably a bit thick.

Uh, YES, xfirsttime! It's not the quality of the music that bothers me, it's the arrogance of the people who don't care know how to behave in public. Really, this is not difficult stuff - public/communal spaces are for everyone, not just you

xfirsttimemummy tbh it wouldn't matter if you were playing the entire back catalogue of Chopin, if you were doing it at full volume on your mobile and subjecting an entire waiting room/ bus to it, then I would think that you were being rude and anti social.

Fair enough it's a "public place" but the clue is in the name - it's a place where people are trying to co-exist and generally rub along the best they can with a load of complete strangers. Surely the best way of doing this is for everyone to have a little bit of consideration for other people's comfort and personal space, no?

I thought this was a lesson that most people learned from childhood?

Ooops, x-post again Josie

YANBU. Headphones were invented for a reason. That way someone can still listen to the music they want and others don't have to. Kids don't have an off button nor do they come with the option of noise through headphones. It is not the same. Listening to music in public through speakers is choosing to be anti social. ON public transport I do everything I can to minimise any noise dd makes. It is only reasonable to take away any avoidable irritation.

Firsttimemummy I think this is from people's experience of the individuals playing the music, not of what the music is. The only people I have come across playing music oudly are large groups of teenagers who I can see would be threatening to certain people.

I stated that the people who do this in public have such little consideration for others that they are unlikely to turn the music off or use headphones if asked. That is not related to the type of music played, just an observation that a thoughtful person would wear headphones.

I'm curious. Those of you who don't have a problem with people playing their personal music in a shared space, how old are you?

I grew up in the days before tinned music was pervasive and everyone had a personal hifi system on their phone. So to me when music gets played, it should be something that's agreed by everyone who is sharing the space. So to me it's not OK to play music via your phone in a waiting room.

But I'm wondering if it's a generational thing, as the way people use/transport/share music has changed so much in the last decade or so.