My mother telling DS repeatedly ge needs to keep his pull ups dry at night. He's 3.

[WannabeNigella]

She is always telling him to be a "big boy" and get up at night to go to the toilet.

He is 3.

Tonight I have told her, yet again, that he doesn't know he's doing it in his sleep as it is to do with a hormone kicking in which sends the message to the brain etc. Her response was to look at me and shake her head in disbelief and say it was "very different in her day then" and then launch into her lecture on how she had her 3 dry at around 14 months! In the day and by 2ish at night! (I have had the discussion a million times about "dry" being different to "trained" but she just won't have it).

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!

AIBU in wanting to screech at her to never mention the subject ever, ever again!!!!!!!????????

YANBU.
My dd has just started waking up to go to the toilet, so her bed is dry, but her pyjama bottoms are wet .This is amazing progress for her, and she is 7.

She might be right.

How do you know he's not ready?

YANBU. My Mum tells me I was dry by the age of 1. But she will respect my different opinions on childcare and we don't argue.
I think you should tell her not to mention it again and to stop pestering your son about this.

Well he is genuinely really good with his toileting and wakes up in the night if he wants a drink etc and is generally quite alert and responsive in a way that I think if he did wake up and need the loo he would absolutely want to go and do it. Difficult to explain how I know that but he has mo gate etc on his room sp if he did wake I really think he'd go.

As you can see from above. She has a BIG think about toilet training and made me feel like a total failure that it took me till he was almost 3 to train him during day.

YANBU (though I think a lot of our parents' generation think this - I guess if you were dealing with washable terry toweling nappies you'd perhaps be more inclined to force the issue earlier if you could!). FWIW my DS1 wasn't dry at night until just before his 5th birthday, and a lot of his friends still aren't. My DS2 is 3 and nearly always has a wet nappy in the morning - I don't give it a second's thought - 3 is still v young.

I think this is one of those situations when you could tell her to mind her own business. Either that or nod and smile....and ignore.

Sorry for typos. I'm useless on my phone!

Night time dryness is a matter of physiology. You're right. If the hormone isn't there, it isn't there. And it takes a wee bit longer with boys in general.

She'll give him a complex. She is very rude indeed.

Oh - and I was getting lots of similar pressure from my mum. I got myself a bit wound up about it and even tried rewarding DS1 with a box of smarties with his breakfast (!!) if he had a dry nappy in the morning. This was a HUGE incentive for him and yet that didn't work either - proof surely that he still wasn't ready and the night weeing was out of his control.

YANBU

However some children are dry earlier dc was 2.4 when he was dry through the night so it is dependent on the child.

Doesn't make either of you right/wrong though.

My DD was 3 before she was potty trained. It's not unusual.
I think I'd be more annoyed by her making your son feel he's doing something wrong.

Shall I smack your mother for you, my children were still having accidents at the age of 7.

Three is far to young to expect them to go all night.

Do what I did and tell her to bugger off! I had the same thing. DS was eight ish before he was dry. The doctor said this was quite normal. Every time he stayed with the ILs they would take away his pull ups. He was getting upset, so I told them he wore them or he didn't stay over!

Your mum is BU. Very. I know the information on hormones kicking in wasn't around in years ago, but it is now and she should take this on board. If it were me I'd sit her down, explain the facts (again!) and say you never want her to bring the subject up again as she'll give the poor little mite a complex!

I know you don't need telling, but your DS is perfectly normal. My DD was dry at night one week after being dry during the day, but my DS has taken over a year (he's now 4) and he's still not there. Shrug. He'll get there in the end. You don't see too many chaps in their 20's having to put on a pair of pull-ups of a night, do you?

Life, DM is wrong. She is not the Childs mother and it's not her place to tell him this.

Pull ups are made up to age 11. For a reason!

tell her to mind her own business, my eldest came out of his at night at 3, but I know 7 and 8 year old who STILL arent dry at night, our local GP says that studies show that some kids still dont have the required hormone until 10.

My mother makes the odd comment to me about my 2 1/2 year old not being trained but she wouldnt dare say anything to him about it and she's only really joking to me, she wouldnt dream of forcing her opinions on me about it. My mother in law on the other hand.........

All mine were dry day and night by 2.

Am I supermum?

No

They were 'ready' its not a parenting award its luck of the draw.

Children in towelling nappies 'felt' wet whereas children in pull ups arent uncomfortable,its no great shakes and certainly not something your mums interfering will help.

I am always getting the same sort of message from my mum. I should be lifting my son when we go to bed etc. Stuff the lot of them. Yes some children do go on to be bedwetters but most don't. For the sake of sanity keep on with the drynites etc.
I strongly advise wait and see for a bit, don't make an issue of it.
My son is still wet some nights at just 6. It is getting better but we never made an issue of it. Will tackle at 7 if an issue.

My very own mother wet the bed until she was 11.

Thank you! You've all made me feel much better, and perhaps more importantly, calmer!

DD only stopped wetting at 12.5yo. She just wasn't ready before then.

DS1 was dry at night at 21 months.

DS2 was dry at night by 3.9yo.

Every child is different, every child is ready to be dry at night at a different age, the hormone kicks in at a different age for each child.

YANBU, Your DM IS BU.

AS much as I do agree YANBU in the discussion about the hormone etc. it can also be psychological for the child as well.

DD was dry in the day but still wet at night, not massively wet but still wet. If she had her night pull up on she would just treat it like a nappy. She was 3 and seen an advert for Huggies Pyjama pants and the advert said something like for dry nights blah blah...dd said to me if I have them I won't wee at night anymore the advert says so, bought a packet the next day and she was literally dry from that night.
She never seen them as a nappy and it never occured to her the meaning behind the advert she thought she wouldn't wee in them and she never did.

DS1 was a nightmare to get dry in the day never mind the night but a similar thing treated the pull up like a nappy and would pee (and poo) as soon as my back was turned and at 4 and a half he asked to wear pants to bed despite my reservations as he was still wet through the night. I put him in slightly padded training pants and he too was dry from then on.

SO yes they hormone has to be there but it is not a magic cure sometimes the child needs a bit of incentive to psychologically get over that hurdle.

Oh and i'm not saying you are wrong I am just saying that the hormone thing isn't the only factor so you are being a wee bitty hard on your mum as she isn't 100% wrong either.

Thanks Ineedacleaner, that's really interesting.