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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mother telling DS repeatedly ge needs to keep his pull ups dry at night. He's 3.

53 replies

WannabeNigella · 04/01/2011 21:06

She is always telling him to be a "big boy" and get up at night to go to the toilet.

He is 3.

Tonight I have told her, yet again, that he doesn't know he's doing it in his sleep as it is to do with a hormone kicking in which sends the message to the brain etc. Her response was to look at me and shake her head in disbelief and say it was "very different in her day then" and then launch into her lecture on how she had her 3 dry at around 14 months! In the day and by 2ish at night! (I have had the discussion a million times about "dry" being different to "trained" but she just won't have it).

Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!

AIBU in wanting to screech at her to never mention the subject ever, ever again!!!!!!!????????

OP posts:
flyfly · 04/01/2011 21:42

So long as she's not criticising him or making him feel bad for something he's only just learning to control, I honestly don't see what is wrong with her comment.

Is the problem with
-the actual statements she is making to your DS or
-with her comparison of your methods and hers?

redpanda13 · 04/01/2011 21:47

My DD was 4.7 yrs. I would have no problems about her wearing them longer if she had needed to. YANBU you and your DS will know when the time is right.
I am lucky my DB wet the bed until he was 11ish. My mum wished there had been dry nites in her day :)

saffy85 · 04/01/2011 21:47

YANBU and you could point out to your DM that by making a huge deal out of this will mean it could take your DS even longer as stress wont help.

pigletmania · 04/01/2011 21:52

I totally understand, my mum is the same. My dd 3.10 years is trained in the day, but night no, even if we dont have any drinks in the night and go to the toilet before bed, she wakes up with wet nappies. I really dont think that she is ready, I will try in a year or so, I am in no rush. I do think it is a hormonal thing, why is it that when some children wake up they are dry and some are wet! Some just do not know how to hold on in their sleep, and i think as they get older and their body matures they will.

MissFit · 04/01/2011 21:57

DD still had wet pull-ups at night at 3 but we attempted to night train her just on the off chance and she got it almost straight away.

I think she was just weeing in her pull ups out of habit or laziness. As soon as we took the pull ups away and she wet the bed a few times she quickly realised what was expected of her and started getting up to go to the loo.

I realise some children take longer than others and that it's hormone related. But I think just because your DS still has wet pull ups in the morning does not mean he's not ready IYSWIM. Until you try training him at night you won't know if he's ready or not.

Original poster
WannabeNigella · 04/01/2011 21:58

Flyfly, I think it's that I find it infuriating that she is saying this to my son when it isn't something I put any pressure on him about and also that she won't listen to the info about the hormone as she thinks it's a load of crap.

OP posts:
hackingandhewing · 04/01/2011 22:08

My DM was exactly the same with my DS. He is now 5.6yo and has just completed his first whole week dry with no pull ups.

pigletmania · 04/01/2011 22:12

I tried a dry run recently a few times, she just been to the toilet and was so tired she napped in the afternoon, I left her in her pants, and lo and behold they were soaking. On the basis of this I feel that she is just not ready yet.

pigletmania · 04/01/2011 22:14

My mum always tells dd how what a big girl she is and that she should not wear nappies at night. I am glad that dd takes no notice, and really does not seem to comprehend it much.

BuntyPenfold · 04/01/2011 22:22

It's a generational thing,my mother says all of us, and our friends, were all dry by a year or 14 months.

in fact I remember my little sister was definitely in pants at 18 months, and never had an accident or wore a nappy at night - I used to look after her when my mum was in hospital, so I do know.
my son was dry at 14 months, never an accident, but my daughter took 3 1/2 years.
so if you average my children out, they are, well, average :)

sadly, I have a SIL who tells toddlers in nappies they are dirty. she needs training, but in tact.

your child is well within the range of normal. it will all turn out fine, so don't worry.

flyfly · 05/01/2011 12:43

Wannabenigella, I get it. You don't want him having mixed messages: Mummy says its ok, Nana says its not.

She is entitled to think the hormone thing is crap (I'm not too sure I agree 100% with it either) but that shouldn't change anything.

YOUR methods for YOUR children. The eyerolling and disbelief... well that just has to be endured. I'm sure she got grief from her own mother too. My mum scoffed and laughed (good-naturedly) about EVERYTHING we did - from faffing about wipes to ergonomic highchairs, to baby food/nutrition obsession and antibacterial mattresses. Looking forward to how "absurd" things will be in 20 years time.

valiumredhead · 05/01/2011 13:05

I genuinely didn't care if my ds was dry or not at night - at the time it was all I could do to get through the day and night time training was bottom of my list! I DID get a bit worried about daytime training as his pre school liked them to be dry when they started ( age 3 ) but he wet on his first day then he was dry from then onwards.

Ds wore night time pull ups til nearly 4 and looking back he didn't need them, it was just that I couldn't cope with stripping wet beds etc. There was no 'training' involved - he just stopped weeing at night and I noticed his pull ups were dry in the mornings.

Ignore 'helpful' comments that begin with 'Well, back in the old days..............' Wink

They all get it eventually, don't fret :)

Oh yeah id fwiw I think there was an awful lot of 'potting' kids back in the day ie sitting them on a potty wether they needed to go or not and this tended to start early, so by law of averages at some point the kid will produce something in the potty and I think this is what people remember when they bleat on about kids being trained at 10 months etc etc

Chil1234 · 05/01/2011 13:44

Your MIL could have a point. Looking back I think pull-ups made me lazy about the whole night toilet training thing rather than DS. It was only when we turned up at a remote hotel for a week's holiday and realised that we'd forgotten the pull-ups that I had to do all the things they recommend to get children dry at night so that we didn't have any accidents. It worked so well that we never bothered with them again after that.

JossAcklandsSpunkyBackpack · 05/01/2011 13:44

YANBU.

My DS (7) was thrilled this morning when for the first time, he had a dry pullup. He sleeps like the dead and generally it's sopping in the morning. The dryest it's ever been previous to today was 1 or 2 wees in it. Fingers crossed the appropriate hormone has kicked in. We'll see :)

DS1 (21 now) was still wetting the bed most nights at 12. He is also an incredibly deep sleeper. He was never castigated for it, although he was expected to strip his own bed and bring it down for washing at that age. He just suddenly stopped at 12 and that was it. Again, presumably that was when the hormone kicked in.

monkeyflippers · 05/01/2011 14:18

Kids are ready when they are ready. They is no need to push it and it gets on my bloody nerves when older people do the "mine was trained by 6 months" bullshit. I read something that said a lot of older people had bladder weakness now because they were trained too young.

Don't worry about it. Tell her to mind her own.

Debs75 · 05/01/2011 14:26

'Pull ups are made up to age 11. For a reason!'

They are made up to 15.

3 is very young to expect to be dry all night tell her to mind her own business

Aims80 · 05/01/2011 14:33

I think I wore nappies at night until I was 5 (as my mother loves to tell me) and surely that was in your MIL's "day" (ie 25+ years ago).

ps I'm very good about using the toilet these days.

monkeyflippers · 05/01/2011 14:43

Also at 3yo your dc is old enough to understand her and is going to feel the pressure. Point this out to her maybe? Although it sounds like she likes pressuring him.

mumofloads · 05/01/2011 15:06

I can beat you all. According to my dm I was dry day and night by 8 months Grin.

She doesn't judge the way I do things though (she wouldn't dare). I don't even think about toilet training until the 3rd birthday. DD was dry straight away and has never had an accident. DS was still bedwetting at 6, they are all differant.

monkeyflippers · 05/01/2011 16:37

mumofloads - 8 months! Do you think it's selective memory or what?!

Slightly · 05/01/2011 17:04

YANBU.

I had similar from my aunt who was obsessed by toilet training. I eventually snapped and told her, in a jokey but FIRM way, if my DD was still in nappies at 12 I'd think about pushing the issue, until then I wasn't going to worry about it.

Seemed to work... she moved on to other things I was doing ALL WRONG Grin

(my DDs are 9 & 6 and dried up just fine too)

mumofloads · 05/01/2011 17:40

Yes monkeyflippers definately selective memory I think. She insists it was because I was born in Singapore so was always naked in the sun Hmm.

JamieLeeCurtis · 05/01/2011 17:44

YANBU

My mum has been very supportive about my parenting, but I know one are she struggled to keep schtum was toilet training. Both mine were potty-trained - very quickly and with very few accidents when they were over age 3.

3 is still really young. When the pants are dry at night, then he can come out of them

JamieLeeCurtis · 05/01/2011 17:45

... and yes, it's because my mum had to hand-wash Terry nappies

looblylu · 05/01/2011 20:09

Not entirely relevant but an illustration of how all children are very different ;-)

Despite being ready for months (dry night nappies, aware of need to go etc) DD refused to be toilet trained because she liked nappies (" 'cos my can wee when my playing")
After MANY failed attempts I just informed her on her third birthday that they didnt make nappies big enough for three year olds.

She spent about 3 days FURIOUSLY peeing on the floor (hooray for laminate flooring) before announcing that she would use the toilet but only if I gave her a packet of chocolate buttons.

One packet of chocolate buttons later she was perfectly toilet trained and we've never had a problem since :)

Your son will be ready when he's ready. And hopefully he wont extort chocolate in the process Blush