Dealing with partner's nasty ex girlfriend.

[chloeloveshim]

Partner and I have been dating for 9 months. He moved in with my DS, 7 and myself quite quickly and AFAIC, it's going okay.
I know my partner has some issues surrounding feelings of insecurity, but most of his issues were caused by her treating him so badly for years. He also finds dealing with some situations difficult, (authority figures telling him what to do) but he's really trying to make good changes and we are working on these problems together.

One of the situations he has struggled to deal with is that of his ex girlfriend.
Partner and ex girlfriend have a 2yr old DD and tbh she is crazy!! A real loon.

She made it difficult for him to see DD, but since I met him, XGF took him back to court and agreed to let him see DD at weekends.
XGF has since behaved very oddly and I'm not sure where we go from here.
A selection of her behaviour is: Attempting to tell me he is a thief/liar/cheat. Partner has told me XGF has begged him to go back to her, so I can only assume she is trying to put me off, but it hasn't worked, I'm prepared to stick by him.
She has told me my DS probably hates him (DS adores him) and that he will only get me into lots of debt (I pay my own way, unlike herself.)
She complains Partner doesn't pay maintenance (He has not found a job that has suited him for long enough to pay) then she said he stole money from her. (Where will it end?)
Partner and I noticed DD had a few bruises on her body, her inside lip was cut, and she had a cut on her head, so we reported XGF to Social Services. They have carried out a full investigation. Partner doesn't trust them though (you hear the stories in the news of them getting it wrong) so Partner also made a report to the doctor about DD development.
Now nutty XGF wont disclose who DD's optician is, even though Partner has every right to know.
We have resorted to refusing to respond to any form of communication, unless it is through a solicitor, because of the abuse she gives us on picking up DD. (we do not have a solicitor at present due to financial constraints) and XGF solicitor has costed and closed the case.
Her abuse is mainly to tell me to keep out of it. I am just trying to support my Partner. She has led him a rough ride, and I am more than happy to help him.
I do not class myself as getting involved, I am just supporting my Partner as best as I can. (He would like full custody and I believe he is a good dad to DD) I have also written a few letters to XGF (from Partner of course, but he is terrible at letter writing), have answered his mobile when he does not want to speak to her, and we chose to put her hair in French Plaits, which Nutty XGF says is too much too young. DD looked beautiful.

I don't think XGF is a good mother. She shouts and swears in front of DD, doesn't appear to care about her very much, and smokes. (I have seen all of this with my own eyes btw).

It has got to the point now where XGF will not speak, and we do not speak to her, but it is a strain. Obviously, there are day to day things we need to know, especially when DD comes to ours, and although we have asked XGF to respect our request not to make direct verbal contact, or telephone either of us, she simply refuses to do anything. I have written to XGF, and she is being churlish and childish to refuse to reply. (Another example of how she doesn't care for DD much at all.)

How do we proceed from here? We can't afford a solicitor, but she is taking our written word to the ludicrous extreme.

What do we do to make her understand that we will not tolerate her abusiveness and total lies about Partner, and to see it is for the best for the forseeable future for Partner to see as much of DD as she does. (Partner very hurt about this.)
We have proposed to her in writing that DD lives with us for a week, then her, and hopefully that will get the ball rolling, but again, she has not responded to our request.

How do I get through to someone so stubborn and unreasonable?
I want the best possible life for her DD, and I know that is with me and my Partner.

Maybe I am just ranting, I just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom for me and my Partner??

That's very cynical.

I expect he's out down the pub fundraising for homeless orphans. That'll be why he's not able to find a job.

THIS IS A THREAD ABOUT A THREAD or a wind up.

Isn't his the one where the poor mother has been asked to supply everything in writing re: contact?

Are you Op trying to be devils advocate here by trying to present 'the other side' or if you are the other side I pity you, you sound like lunatics.

Ah, now then, you see I saw this thread before anyone had posted a reply....

I forgot to post.

So here it is:

No, no, he'll be out down the pub chatting up some sixteen year old fundraising for homeless tubercular orphan amputees.

Haven't seen the other thread - can anyone put a link to it?

And LittleMiss, I see your and raise you a .

It's no wonder he can't get a job perfectstorm. Too tired from all his secret night time charity work for disadvantaged orphans.

My god, don't people care anymore??!!! I could, literally, WEEP.

perectstorm, I know that I am an evil, frigid bitch, but I don't like to make assumptions about everyone else...

Lets just say if this is even true, if some stupid idiotic bint came in to my dcs life after only knowing said dcs father for nine months and then started to toilet train, interfere, or even try to get involved/take over in any way shape or form. I would do a lot more than tell you to jog on. Seriously who the fuck do you think you are? the Mary Poppins for the useless fuckwit you have shacked up with. The 'man' needs to grow a pair tell you to wind your neck in with the delusions of taking the child away from her mother. He needs to get a job and pay for his child. As for reporting the alleged 'neglect/abuse' to SS WTF?! You my dear need to take a step back remove your head from the fathers rectum and grow the fuck up.

chloe what dp do when you at work? internet?doss about

does he do domestic chores?shop ,cook,etc.if at home all day doing fuck all day he should do. does he collect your ds from school for you?

penguin73, I have spoken briefly to his family and they also told me XGF was a loon. It is XGF's fault DP has no friends from before he met me, because she has lied to them and told them DP stole money from them. DP gets on well with my family and friends.

Mamatomany, Thank you, I want what's best for DD.

HerBeatitude, You even agree in your post that girls are quicker to toilet train than boys. Problems with authority means DP is a skilled tradesman and likes to do a job well, his employers want to cut costs at the risk of a good job being done, DP disagrees, and usually resigns. He was once called a liar by his employer over a misunderstanding!!! Would you tolerate that kind of abuse? I think not!

Emmyloulou, I am not on benefits, I work. You are confusing me with XGF. She is the chav I'm afraid.

Thecrackfox, I doubt his family know him better than I do, He rarely spends any time with them, and hasn't done for the last 15 years.

Bubble0Seven, DP does smoke, down the end of the garden though, not right outside the backdoor as XGF does. The bruises were on DD's legs, bottom and back.

Janos, Your post came across as in jest, I hope you didn't mean it that way, because I would like to thankyou.

StayFrosty, DP has always wanted DD to live with him, since XGF and DP broke up.

DionetheDiabolist, I was single for a number of years before DP came along. He did take DD, but XGF took him to court and DP was made to return her, if only for the reason that he didn't have a stable home for her at that time. Obviously his circs have changed now.

And No, this thread is not a wind up, I'm astonished some of you think it is.

Thanks again to Mamatomany, I agree, DD is not pay per view, neither is DS or any child.

does he do chores,cook,etc whilst you work?

put your DP on, chloe

hang abbot af let him shave his knuckles 1st

There was another thread of a thread like this recenty where, the op had an affair with the BIL........Then 2 weeks later after the original thread had been pulled along came the DH who thought his DW and BIL were too close.

Remarkably similar. Typing style and whole victim, shitiness, type innocence, too many coincidences between the 2 threads.

So people link them as they are meant too and it all kicks off, troll successful. One part makes a thread then up pops the other about 2 weeks later and people start linking threads they have seen. BINGO.

Oh and when I suggested it was a thread about a thread, last time this happened quite recently, I was all evil, but seen as others have already done it, I'll pop that in here.

Thank you, I want what's best for DD.

SHEIS NOT YOUR DD! If he can afford to smoke he can afford child support.

What, only the one post Chloe ? No need to thank me. It's clear that your DP is a prince among men. We should all be so lucky, etc

ScottishMummy, When DP is not at work, he cleans the house, cooks, shops, does all of the gardening, DIY, in fact anything which needs doing, and he does it remarkably well.

Yes he does use the internet, after all, he needs to find work and he does actually enjoy work, contrary to what some people on here may think.

It doesn't take all day to clean a house, he's well trained, and so yes, he has been known to watch television or use the internet. It is his home too!!

He is definitely not a waster. He's just had some bad luck. He has had 5 jobs in 9 months, not hundreds!!

"HerBeatitude, You even agree in your post that girls are quicker to toilet train than boys"

Er, no I don't. I said that my DD was ready earlier than her brother. I don't extrapolate on a sample of 2, that therefore every girl in the world is ready before every boy in the world.

And LOL at the girlfriend on benefits being a chav - and your unemployed cock-lodger boyfriend isn't?

And ROFL at him being a smoker but doing it further down the garden than she does, therefore being a much better parent.

You are the loon here, not the x.

"Mamatomany, Thank you, I want what's best for DD.... Thanks again to Mamatomany, I agree, DD is not pay per view, neither is DS or any child."

Erm... aren;t you forgetting something? Don't you mean DP's DD? You're speaking of your boyfriend's child as if she were your own.

She isn't. She already has a mother. One who... shock horror, smokes outside the back door of her own home.

FFS, you really are delusional, aren't you?

Definitely a wind up, for the reasons perfect gave.

does he talk to lassies on line?5 job in 9mth.lol

Janos, Since you are being reasonable, I would like to say I wish every woman could be with a man like my DP. He has been so good for me.

Did he manage to pay any maintenance during his periods of work?