Dealing with partner's nasty ex girlfriend.

[chloeloveshim]

Partner and I have been dating for 9 months. He moved in with my DS, 7 and myself quite quickly and AFAIC, it's going okay.
I know my partner has some issues surrounding feelings of insecurity, but most of his issues were caused by her treating him so badly for years. He also finds dealing with some situations difficult, (authority figures telling him what to do) but he's really trying to make good changes and we are working on these problems together.

One of the situations he has struggled to deal with is that of his ex girlfriend.
Partner and ex girlfriend have a 2yr old DD and tbh she is crazy!! A real loon.

She made it difficult for him to see DD, but since I met him, XGF took him back to court and agreed to let him see DD at weekends.
XGF has since behaved very oddly and I'm not sure where we go from here.
A selection of her behaviour is: Attempting to tell me he is a thief/liar/cheat. Partner has told me XGF has begged him to go back to her, so I can only assume she is trying to put me off, but it hasn't worked, I'm prepared to stick by him.
She has told me my DS probably hates him (DS adores him) and that he will only get me into lots of debt (I pay my own way, unlike herself.)
She complains Partner doesn't pay maintenance (He has not found a job that has suited him for long enough to pay) then she said he stole money from her. (Where will it end?)
Partner and I noticed DD had a few bruises on her body, her inside lip was cut, and she had a cut on her head, so we reported XGF to Social Services. They have carried out a full investigation. Partner doesn't trust them though (you hear the stories in the news of them getting it wrong) so Partner also made a report to the doctor about DD development.
Now nutty XGF wont disclose who DD's optician is, even though Partner has every right to know.
We have resorted to refusing to respond to any form of communication, unless it is through a solicitor, because of the abuse she gives us on picking up DD. (we do not have a solicitor at present due to financial constraints) and XGF solicitor has costed and closed the case.
Her abuse is mainly to tell me to keep out of it. I am just trying to support my Partner. She has led him a rough ride, and I am more than happy to help him.
I do not class myself as getting involved, I am just supporting my Partner as best as I can. (He would like full custody and I believe he is a good dad to DD) I have also written a few letters to XGF (from Partner of course, but he is terrible at letter writing), have answered his mobile when he does not want to speak to her, and we chose to put her hair in French Plaits, which Nutty XGF says is too much too young. DD looked beautiful.

I don't think XGF is a good mother. She shouts and swears in front of DD, doesn't appear to care about her very much, and smokes. (I have seen all of this with my own eyes btw).

It has got to the point now where XGF will not speak, and we do not speak to her, but it is a strain. Obviously, there are day to day things we need to know, especially when DD comes to ours, and although we have asked XGF to respect our request not to make direct verbal contact, or telephone either of us, she simply refuses to do anything. I have written to XGF, and she is being churlish and childish to refuse to reply. (Another example of how she doesn't care for DD much at all.)

How do we proceed from here? We can't afford a solicitor, but she is taking our written word to the ludicrous extreme.

What do we do to make her understand that we will not tolerate her abusiveness and total lies about Partner, and to see it is for the best for the forseeable future for Partner to see as much of DD as she does. (Partner very hurt about this.)
We have proposed to her in writing that DD lives with us for a week, then her, and hopefully that will get the ball rolling, but again, she has not responded to our request.

How do I get through to someone so stubborn and unreasonable?
I want the best possible life for her DD, and I know that is with me and my Partner.

Maybe I am just ranting, I just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom for me and my Partner??

he's had an awful lot of "sickness" in the short nine months you have been together, hasn't he ?

and you have certainly administered to his needs

but aren't you referring to wedding vows ?

so not only do you see his daughter as your new property, but also that you are fulfilling the rules of matrimony when you are not even married

could you be any more of a liar deluded?

So why isn't he giving the money to his ex in the form of a cheque? hy has the CSA had to step in with legal consequences before he would pay for her? And why is your partner's (no, still not yours, even though a whole day has passed since yesterday) daughter only being abused now that you have decided it would be lovely to have her live with you?

PS (and I expect a massive backl;ash from this one, but hey ho, that doesn't usually stop me telling the truth)

Men like him are just as happy to fuck off and leave you with their own child who ISN'T biologically yours as they are to leave you with no child at all, so don't think for a second that this would stop him leaving you.

It's the fact that you believe every word he can think of that will stop him leaving you.

Im aware he took her, but she was returned to her mother, because of his unsuitable living conditions. Had he had a stable job, to rent etc, he may of kept her, but he is a lazy fooker, that's why he lost her, to bone idle to get a job to give her a safe home. Having not learnt by that, he now pays fookall to her up bringing, hence why her mother is not playing ball.

As for buying her gifts, and not letting her take them home, you would not buy any other persons gifts, and expect them to keep them in your home. A few hair bobbles, knickers is the least you could give her, knowing, her clothes and food is bought by her mother.

You want to looking at your own state of mind

You have no right interfering his and his daughters relationship

9 Months together does not give you Step mum status, and Fact she will NEVER be your DD

Agree with anyfucker, deluded, and taken in by this shithead of a dad

Have you looked at the other post chloeloveshim?

Can't you see that even though you have posted YOUR side of the story, everyone here is giving you the same feedback? What will it take for you realise that you might be part of the problem here? How can you have such little self awareness, to not even step aside and THINK for a minute about your actions? And the feedback you've got on here?

You really need help. It's just not funny any more, if you want to ruin your life by getting involved with a fuckwit, that's your problem, but your behaviour towards ex girlfriend is DISGRACEFUL and HER dd is now in the middle of this sorry state of affairs. Even if the ex shouts , smokes , hasn't toilet trained dd or change her nappy very frequently this is her MOTHER, have some respect will you.

Based on the description of your dp, I would normally say no-one deserves such an idiot, but on 2nd thoughts, I think you do.

How much housework/DIY does he do around the house?

"Have none of you heard of 'in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer'"

Oh yeah we have, but that is when you are MARRIED... You have known this bloke for 5 minutes. You don't even know him, but are choosing to believe him blindly when others that know him, really know him, even his own family are not keen on him.

Wake up love, WE are not the enemy.

let me tell you, if some bint shacked up with my total loss of a STBX and started, within months, as regarding my DS as anything to do with her....

Well let's just say that I would gladly hang for it.

Back off love, you are sadly not bright enough/wise enough to know what battle to pick and this situation of yours has DISASTER writ large all over it.

CrackFox, OP already mentioned that he is really good around the house, does the garden and diy. Obviously he's a bit too cunning than to be sitting around doing nothing, this way he looks like a great bloke (to OP anyway). So for doing the chores, he gets free rent, all expenses (shopping, bills etc) paid for, all his fags paid for, someone to write his letters for him, someone to answer phonecalls from the ex because he can't face up to his responsibilities, and someone to fight his battles with his ex girlfriend with.

Who's that clip clopping over MY bridge?

He also gets a warm moist place to park his cock.

I think the father should give up smoking and put the money on a supermarket gift card. If he's so concerned she'll mis-spend the money, it's possible to restrict such cards to food only, I think. Or maybe buy them lots of extra nappies, if you're concerned the ex is having problems affording them.

LittleMissHissyFit, have you seen the other thread? I think the ex is BEING very calm and controlled about it. I daren't even imagine how I would react. I'm boiling just thinking about it.

Welshbyrd, apparently, this incredible catch of a man did take his daughter with him, but was the told to take her back to her mother due to his lack of housing. Which sounds odd, because if he was genuinely homeless, and the ex-GF really was the loon he claims she is, the courts would have found in his favour and the local council would have been obliged to house him and his daughter. I know a chap who was in that exact situation, and that is precisely what happened.

Anyhoo, still think the OP is a wind-up merchant because nobody could be so thick and/or self-serving. I hope.

This thread is a tidal wave of experience, good sense and clear smart advice.
If you ignore this op and try instead to bat away the bloody obvious with limp attempts at sneering sarcasm, you will one day realise what a foolish move that was.

Everything about your situation is bad. And made worse by your stupidity in failing to see that.

Quoting marriage views makes you look daft. Get a grip before you make a pillock of yourself and assist your partner in hurting the mother if his child-and therefore hurting his child.

Seriously. Have a little dignity. Just a little.

lol @ FabbyChic. He must be laughing his big screwed up dysfunctional waste of space head off.

I do not know what to think about this one, specially after reading the 'identical' other thread! same way of emots, same punctuation, same way of responding to questions.

BUT i will say yes we have all heard of 'in sickness and in health' but fgs you have been with him for 9 months. Your not married. She is not your DD so you do not really have the right to call her that.

Whilst you are working, are you working full or part time? You get TC for one child at the moment, he isnt claiming any out of work benefits, if you work part time you would get more help. (Dont need to rely on extra TC then) also whats with the he hasnt had a job long enough to pay maintenance, well im sorry he has been paid for the jobs hes done so why not give her money then.

Also CSA are sorting it out you say?? But its taking its time, why not set up a mutual agreement with XGF of so much per week.

My mum and dad did that when they got divorced my mum got £140 per month for 2 children. And docked it when he took us away (which i can see as reasonable as we was in his care at that time - specially when he was taking us abroad) Is that one of the reasons you dont contribute towards a little something per week, by the sounds of it you have her a hell of a lot? Have you by any chance cut her hair too

My DH has being in and out of jobs since July due to a health scare, he doesnt like meeting new people too but he has to to help provide for our family. He hates having to get up at 4.30am on a morning to go to a 6-2 shift but so what - thats life, thats work

Currently DH is out of work but starts a new job on 24th with training which is perfect for him. He applied for it even if he didnt think he would get an interview but he tried, doesnt sound like your DP is trying hard enough?

You mentioned about it 'just coming out of the christmas season so he will start to find work again?' - Does this mean that he gave himself a 2 weeks christmas holiday break from job searching???? If so pathetic.

Sorry its long but somethings not right, oh and if this is a wind up, i've just typed out that huge reply to a TROLL

"DP did NOT finish the relationship with XGF. She finished it!"

I wonder why?! He sounds like Mr Darcy brought to life!

OP, when you get bored can you pass him on to me? I mean, who wouldn't want a cock-lodger who not only sponges off them, but also manipulates them into stalking their ex-GF by proxy?!

You've been with him 9 months. I've had longer relationships with cheese in the fridge. The ex has all my sympathy.

I've had longer thrush flareups, tbqh

What a catch you have OP
Id rather date a tin of tuna

Well, I didn't like to cast aspersions AF Ahem.