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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to refuse to tell dh about my clients?

83 replies

santander · 03/01/2011 19:53

I'm a counsellor and I'm just setting up privately. I was going to use the nice little bedsit that we own as my rooms, but we have since rented it out. My ad campaign has been more successful than I thought it would be and I have 3 clients that are starting this week. Dh and I discussed it and we aggreed that the clients could come to our home for the time being until I find premises. We have a largish house and I have worked out where to see clients so they will be comfortable and private.

I have chatted with the clients on the phone to ascertain their suitability for counselling and also for coming to my home, as much as one can do in a telephone conversation - I have a reasonable amount of experience in filtering out people that should be referred elsewhere but of course you can never be sure until you know more about the person.

Anyway, my dh is now insisting on knowing who is coming to our house and what they 'are coming for'.

I have point blank refused to agree to give this information to him. It is in breach of the code of ethics I work by. He says our safety is more important than anything else. I say that he should not be questioning my judgement and the screening of the individuals should be my responsibility. He says that we are in this together. I say that yes, we are, but I am the trained professional and I will not put our safety at risk. He says what if I famcy a challenge of a difficult client and decide to take them on regardless? I say he is QUESTIONING MY JUDGEMENT and I am insulted to be honest. I am taking it personally but lets face it, it's personal, right? But I still am not prepared to compromise my integrity by giving him information that would be no more useful to him than it had been to me, if you get my meaning? I mean, if I (the trained professional) had not spotted the hidden axe murderer in the 10 min phone conversation with them, then how pompous to assume that he could? It is simply unnecessary and immorral and I won't do it. Of course it had now become a matter of personal affront, I feel he has given me a vote of no confidence - I have a supervisorm whom I employ to help me with my caseload. This should be enough I think.

So, rant over, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

changeforthebetter · 03/01/2011 20:25

"strangers with ishoos"

I saw a counsellor for a year to help me get out of my crummy marriage. It was fantastic. Helped me to see what mattered to me. Seeing a qualified and accredited counsellor is a good thing FGS.

OP not sure. I have worked from home and there are issues Perhaps you could register clients' details somewhere else. I do not think your OH should have this information to hand though and certainly not anything relating to their therapy.

FlorenceAndTheMachine · 03/01/2011 20:34

My DH and I are seeing a counsellor in her house at the moment (well not this second obviously but generally) and I would hate it if her DH knew details about us. We were referred through s scheme at DH's work and so could quite possibly be axe murderers tbh.

Have to admit though that I think her DH works from home too as we could hear someone pottering around and I suppose i did feel glad that she isn't alone IYSWIM.

blinder · 03/01/2011 20:42

Allnightlong my point is that the OP cannot give her clients' personal details to anyone and abide by her professional code of ethics unless she informs her clients in the initial contract that she will be sharing their information with her partner. Otherwise she leaves herself open to being struck off and or sued. I see clients from home. I would never betray their confidentiality agreement.

Either her husband doesn't understand this (hence my suggestion) or she should not see clients at home.

I'm amazed that confidentiality is even open to negotiation tbh. Very worrying.

ChippingIn · 03/01/2011 20:44

HIBU, YANBU.

Unless you are seing recently released criminals then he really doesn't have any reason to worry - he just sounds nosey.

Does he vet all of your friends before they are allowed in the house as well?

Just tell him it's not any of his business why they want to see you - end of discussion.

blinder · 03/01/2011 20:46

The deeper issue is about the OPs assessment capabilities and criteria. You should address this with your supervisor asap. Novice counsellors often make assessment mistakes unfortunately. I had certain rules for the first couple of years (no sex issues, no violence issues, no long term work, no drug / alcohol issues). Assessment has to be very tight when working from home.

Did you cover assessment and safe working in your training OP? Do you have a good supervisor?

GrizzlyMacDuff · 03/01/2011 20:47

If he is not happy for your judgment to be enough, and to respect your job, professionalism and the confidentiality of your clients then he should not agree to have your clients at his home. He has the right to say no of course, but if he says yes, he has to agree to the terms of confidentiality/data protection etc.

ShoppingDays · 03/01/2011 20:51

Ask the BACP for their advice on this issue.

allnightlong · 03/01/2011 21:06

blinder I do actually agree with you that she should not/can not give the details but I do think it's a normal reaction for her husband to want to know who is coming into their family home therefore it would be best if she did not see her clients in the family home.

BreastmilkDoesAFabEggnogLatte · 03/01/2011 21:09

But your code of ethics is very clear: you cannot talk to anyone about your clients. YANBU. Your DH is.

HappySkiingGardeningNewYear · 03/01/2011 21:11

YANBU. You know you can't tell him. making these judgements is a fundamental part of the job, as is protecting a clients confidentiality.

However, that isn't the issue. The question is why your DH can't trust your judgement. What is it that so deeply worries him. The random axe murderer sounds a bit wishy washy to me.

hairyfairylights · 03/01/2011 21:15

I think Ya both bu as it isn't going to work at home as you are rightly bound to confidentiality and he has every right to know
who is entering his home.

GrizzlyMacDuff · 03/01/2011 21:21

hairy he does not have the right to know who enters his home though, if he agrees to his wife's clients coming in. He does not have the right to know that information, own home or not. And really they are not entering his home, they are entering a business establishment offering a service for which they are paying for and that service must provide confidentiality by law.

Original poster

santander · 03/01/2011 21:52

I have an excellent bacp accredited supervisor who i will of course discuss this with after her break.

Blinder, interesting that you make the assumption that I am a novice counsellor!? And also interesting that you surmise that confidentiality is being negotiated, when it clearly isn't.

in my initial post I am wondering if I am being unreasonable within the context of the marriage. Unreasonable or not, confidentiality remains.

OP posts:

SarahStrattonsBaubles · 03/01/2011 22:06

They are strangers. OP hasn't met them, only talked to them over the phone. They haven't been referred, they have responded to an advert.

If I were your DH I would be worried too. You have no idea who these people are and they are coming to your home. I understand completely the confidentiality needed but I think with these points I would want more than just reassurances.

blinder · 03/01/2011 22:13

'I am setting up in private practice' led me to believe you are a novice. As I said, if your husband won't take your word for it, perhaps he could speak to the BACP via the helpline.

If he doesn't want clients at his home seen confidentially then you will probably have to capitulate to that and wait until you have different premises.

atswimtwolengths · 03/01/2011 22:19

I think that if I were seeing a counsellor, I'd prefer not to see her in her own home. It would be a distraction and make me think of her life and family when I should be thinking of my own concerns.

I'd rather go to a neutral place.

LunarRose · 03/01/2011 22:35

If confidentiality is not in question, then it's irrelevent whether you are being reasonable or not, you simply can't do it. Any further discussion over axe murders, his rights or professional integrity is wasted breath. Your choice: say no or find different premises.

DH seems to lack any understanding of your job to suggest it

FWIW just starting counselling, I would be horrified, even just my name or address

allnightlong · 03/01/2011 22:42

santander did you discuss or give your DH a choice in you setting up practice in your home?

SkyBluePearl · 03/01/2011 23:44

You have a supervisor - they are there to guide you and will also have the client information. you would be breaking the code of conduct to share info with DH. He has to trust your judgment and if he is worried maybe he could ask a friend to sit quietly out of he way in another room during the first few couselling sessions.

gordyslovesheep · 03/01/2011 23:47

talk to the BACP and rent somewhere

midori1999 · 04/01/2011 00:19

Would your DH feel the same way if you were offering a different service and seeing clients in your own home, such as hairdressing or wedding cakes? If not, then HIBU IMO, not you.

HelenaRose · 04/01/2011 00:34

"Strangers with ishoos"

Myself, my partner and most of my dear friends and family all have mental health problems and have seen counsellors. So, to be honest, I can't see the problem. We're actually not dangerous: see Time to Change for more information on mental health misconceptions, especially regarding links to violence.

You're trained, you know what you're doing. I can understand him being scared of the unknown, so perhaps explain the kinds of clients you'll be seeing?

splasheeny · 04/01/2011 00:37

Yanbu, he is being vvvv U!
My aunt is a clinical psychologist who works from home. She would be appalled by your dh's attitude. It is up to her to choose who she works for, and she has been working for over 20 years in the field without one incident. My uncle has never once questioned who she works with or her judgement.

For all those people who say you should disclose information, I can only assume you are unaware of the confidentiality which is required in any medical profession.

Tell him to sod off!

splasheeny · 04/01/2011 00:37

For all those people who say you should disclose information, I can only assume you are unaware of the confidentiality which is required in any medical profession.

Tell him to sod off!

KalokiMallow · 04/01/2011 00:57

What HelenaRose said. Plus for those of you saying that he has a right to know for safety reasons, even if the OP only sees clients with mental health problems, anxiety and depression are actually the most common mental health issues. And the dangerous ones are actually fairly rare, and are usually under the care of a psychiatrist rather than counsellors.

It is confidential, and as so many have said if he was really worried then surely he'd have had demanded info on previous clients you have seen? Which I assume hasn't been the case.

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