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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to give in to 'everyone else has got...'

64 replies

MissRead · 03/01/2011 18:02

This is my first AIBU post so please be gentle with me :) And apologies if this has been done before

My DD is 8 1/2 and has just informed me that she's the only girl in her class not to have a mobile phone. I am really annoyed about this - I hate to think of her feeling left out but equally I don't want to be pushed into doing something I don't agree with just because everyone else has.

We have the lower/middle/upper school system here so she will be changing schools this summer and I'd decided we'd probably get her a phone then as she will be travelling to middle school a few miles away on the bus and I have heard of occasional problems eg bus doesn't turn up etc. But I see absolutely no reason for her to have a phone before then. She does play out when the weather's better but only in the streets either side of ours so very near home (and predictably most of her friends are allowed a lot further), she's never anywhere else without an adult so why does she need a phone? I detest the way kids are pushed into growing up so fast and I know if she has a phone she will be playing with it the whole time, wanting to call or text friends and angling for something flasher than the basic model I've got in mind :(

OP posts:

earwicga · 03/01/2011 18:04

YANBU. There's no point in my kids having mobiles, but they still want them.

Lydwatt · 03/01/2011 18:05

I'm with you...too young!

This peer pressure will get worse before it gets better...

Tortington · 03/01/2011 18:05

i always told mine - and continue to tell mine that they can have one when they can pay for it

so i bought the twins a moby when they were about 14 and they got a paper round

gave up paper round after a while - and couldnt afford the credit

well hard shit.

so this has always been my motto

currently dd is asking for a contract phone for her 18th

i dnt think so

sarah293 · 03/01/2011 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MissBubbles · 03/01/2011 18:13

yanbu, my kids will not get one till an appropriate age and when i think they mature enough, a relative of mine gave her daughter a moblile at 6!! bad idea, as she used it to ring people at 3am, my daughter and son both keep asking for one but i keep saying no, and will continue to do so.

my sister says im being selfish to my kids, i say no, im trying to teach them to be responsible and not spoilt brats, dont worry MissRead yanbu :)

Laquitar · 03/01/2011 18:14

YANBU.
I wish all the parents of my dcs friends had your attidute and custardo's.

curlymama · 03/01/2011 18:16

I wouldn't believe her tbh. My ds is 10, and he says that about 5 or 6 children in his class have a phone. He is one of another 5 or 6 that has an ipod touch, I questioned him because I thought he was young to be getting one, but I knew he would love it for his birthday.

Laquitar · 03/01/2011 18:16

'selfish to your kids' . She is barking.

dufduf · 03/01/2011 18:18

I would agree that 8 1/2 is way too young and it makes sense to wait until she changes school and the situation actually warrants one! Plus, is she genuinely the only girl at school without one?!

On another note, I used to babysit for a little brat girl many moons ago who was given a pager when she was 7, before mobile phones were so accessible.... her dad had one for work so she demanded (and was unquestioningly given) one. Her mum would page her when it was time to come in from playing for lunch/dinner etc, rather than sticking her head out of the front door like the other parents.... This young lady is now 22 and as spoilt as ever, I believe she has lost 3 I-phones to date and her parents simply replace each one!

nameymacnamechanger · 03/01/2011 18:19

YANBU

just a thought, but also do not take her word for it that everyone else has one

I think the approach you have of getting her one when she changes schools is ideal, unless they are in a situation where they are travelling without you or spending time away from you I really don't see the point in children having mobile phones.

MissBubbles · 03/01/2011 18:21

laquitar she sure has some funny ideas thats for sure!

bb99 · 03/01/2011 18:21

YADNBU - your child, your rules and expectations.

Doesn't matter who has what, if you don't want her to at that age then it's a no! I hardly think an 8 yo would be missing out by not having a mobile!

You wouldn't believe how deprived my dd has been over the years and all the things the rest of the world has that she apparently hasn't got

BelligerentGhoul · 03/01/2011 18:21

YANBU - I find it astonishing how many v young children seem to have mobiles tbh.

exexpat · 03/01/2011 18:24

I would also guess that 'everyone else has a mobile' actually means 'at least one or two people have one and I really want one'.

My DD is 8 and I don't think any of her friends have mobiles yet - she has asked for one, I have said no, not until you are walking to school by yourself (probably when she is 9 or 10). It was year 6 when DS and all his friends suddenly got them, though it may be getting younger and younger by the year.

TheSmallClanger · 03/01/2011 18:24

I suspect she is not the only girl without one. She probably thinks she is, but is unlikely to have done a survey.

I am quite sensitive to this sort of thing as a mum, because my own mother used to forbid me to have all kinds of things that other people genuinely did have, and I was singled out as a result. So, I don't insist on DD wearing a pleated "schoolwear" skirt, or cheap trainers, as these things are very visible. However, the phone thing was one I stood firm on. Not until secondary school.

diddl · 03/01/2011 18:24

YANBU.

My daughter was 12 & I thought that that was on the young side.

Son-nearly 15 has just had one.

Gooftroop · 03/01/2011 18:27

Ignore the 'everyone in my class has it' line or you will be on a very slippery slope for the next ten years. As others have said, I can guarantee you not everyone in the class has a mobile - it could be a small minority, or a few girls, but it will FEEL to your daughter like 'everyone'. Stick to your guns and trot out the 'if everyone jumped off a cliff would you jump too line' - builds character. We have it now with iphones - apparently 'everyone' in my older child's class has an iphone. Yeah, right.

thenightsky · 03/01/2011 18:27

Oh I had all this 'everyone else has it' from DD when she wanted a telly/video in her room at age 8 (nobody had mobile phones back then thank the lord).

I cured her by creating a questionnaire which I threatened to hand out to all parents at the school gates

FabbyChic · 03/01/2011 18:29

My son never used a mobile until he was around 15. when he was 16 I got a contract phone because I wanted to be able to contact him when he was out and for him to be able to ring me for a lift of if he was going to be late.

It encourages children to be responsible.

His phone cost £10 a month less than a pay as you go and he gets free text and minutes and the bill is never more than £10.50.

A small price to pay for peace of mind.

3 Network do great deals with 5000 free text and minutes for £15.00 a month who wouldn't get their kid one who was a reasonable age?

Starbuck999 · 03/01/2011 18:34

My dd is 6 and has her own mobile phone. It is the most basic ever model, just calls and texts and was £20 from Tescos.

She regularly stays with her two nans as I work shifts and my mothers telephone is always engaged (teenage siblings) so I call her on her mobile. She loves it, and it makes her feel special and less sad that she is away from me some nights. She also texts me from it sometimes. She doesnt have friends numbers of course, and only switches it on when she is staying away from home.

So Im sure there are perfectly justifiable reasons why young children have mobiles, not all due to peer pressure and spolitness.

pagwatch · 03/01/2011 18:35

I have never paid any attention to' but all my friends have this/are allowed to do this/ will be going to this/ are wearing this.
Ds1 still gets ' that is great information. Just wait a moment while I go file it under 'stuff I don't give a toss about'..' etc etc

I get so few things right, so many things I look back at and think, bollocks, wish I had done that differently. But never giving in to peer pressure is one of my better decisions.

Starbuck999 · 03/01/2011 18:36

Oh dear "thenightsky" My dd has a tv and dvd player in her bedroom too? Is this not the done thing for young children then? Surely it makes perfect sense - if she wants to watch something that I do not want to then she can do so in her room. Or if she has friends over they can sit and watch a dvd or something without me having to sit through anither Disney viewing!

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/01/2011 18:38

I don't give into peer pressure.

DD goes to a 'lively' school where a lot of her mates are allowed to congregate in the park very late at the weekends.

She knows it is non negotiable, she doesn't bother asking.

She has got a contract phone, but there are loads of things she is not allowed (she still has a fixed bedtime, not allowed to dye her hair mad colours, would let her have her ears pierced for years etc).

Don't give into peer pressure, it's a mug's game. Say no young and they get used to it.

exexpat · 03/01/2011 18:41

nightsky - good idea, I might try that next time I get the 'everyone' has a mobile/call of duty/TV and xbox in their room spiel from one of mine...

SkyBluePearl · 03/01/2011 18:41

Heres a line you could take with your kids. They are not allowed phones early due to health risks and when you do allow it (on saftey grounds) you plan to restrict usage. Follow link.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/853703.stm

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