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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To secretly dislike my inlaws

30 replies

Articulate · 02/01/2011 21:18

Nameghanged for this. They are vile, boastful, cliquey, backstabbing oddballs. Can't go into too much detail or give examples unfortunately, much as I'd like to.

I can't really discuss them with DH (obviously) or others in RL so I'm venting here!

Have to pretend I like them for the sake of tact and equilibrium Grin

So, anyone else keeping their dislike well hidden?

OP posts:
salsmum · 02/01/2011 21:23

Articulate....please see my thread @death of MIL and you'll know you are not alone!! GrinI feel your pain xx

isore · 02/01/2011 21:26

I openly dislike mine. Much more fun Smile

Original poster
Articulate · 02/01/2011 21:28

Read your thread sal, I don't think you were unreasonable at all!

I'd love to openly dislike mine Smile, but DH rather likes them, sadly, and I don't want to hurt him.

OP posts:
curlymama · 02/01/2011 21:29

YABveryR if you hide your dislike. I don't bother to hide my dislike for mine, but then I'm not always reasonable

borderslass · 02/01/2011 21:30

Why be secret with it, I tried for years to be nice but now they get what they see if they don't like it tough!

Original poster
Articulate · 02/01/2011 21:33

I really do have to hide it because DH is a gentle soul (unlike the rest of them), and would be very upset to discover that I've been pretending to like them when in fact I can't stand them. He just doesn't notice their (many) flaws.

I would love to out myself, but I don't for his sake!

OP posts:
curlymama · 02/01/2011 21:34

Ahh, that is true love! Smile

isore · 02/01/2011 21:39

Ooooh, I don't know how you could keep that in. You must be a saint. Or I'm a total bitch. I loooove pointing out to dh when mil has said a particularly scathing remark. I'm eyeballing him and twitching my head towards the kitchen and then when I've got him in there, I'm like ' RIGHT. Did you hear THAT!'

Blatherskite · 02/01/2011 21:43

I nearly started a very similar thread myself today!

DH loves them (but then they're always nice to DH obviously) and in the main, I try to keep my contempt under wraps. it does come out every now and again though Blush

They're selfish, greedy, cliquey, racist..and have awful grammar! Ah, that feels better already :)

Original poster
Articulate · 02/01/2011 21:46

Grin isore, I love it!!

It's more like silent gestures with mine. When I say something they don't approve of, they smile at me sweetly and then roll their eyes at each other when they think I'm not looking.

They have a lot of in jokes, they seem to
revel in excluding me whilst pretending to include me. All very playground!

OP posts:
SharkSlayer · 02/01/2011 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

borderslass · 02/01/2011 21:49

The best one's where DH hiding when first I had an argument with his mother and told her a few home truths and another time DD1 did, when challenged on it he simply said well someone had to tell her coward.

Blatherskite · 02/01/2011 21:51

Mine openly refer to me and the BIL's as 'the outsiders' BIL warned me when I got engaged that I would never feel included and he was right.

SIL informed me while drunk on holiday that I was "further inside the circle" because I have given birth to 'Bloods' Shock

They're just weird

Original poster
Articulate · 02/01/2011 21:52

Oh it's bloody obvious they don't like me, for a variety of reasons.

I'd be very suprised if they know I don't like them though, I fool DH afterall!

OP posts:
Original poster
Articulate · 02/01/2011 21:53

Blatherskite...that is seriously wierd!

OP posts:
isore · 02/01/2011 21:55

Oh, articulate. They sound very very passive aggressive. That's a very tricky behavioural problem to confront, because it's easily denied and you'll look like the mad one!

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 02/01/2011 21:55

isore and I both have the same tactic Grin
Thankfully as much as we do love MIL sometimes he is more than aware of her faults so I can quite openly be pissed off at her point out her flaws to DH.

The problem with my MIL is that she is not horrible just very thoughtless at times but also has a heart of gold at times too.

isore · 02/01/2011 21:56

Blatherskite, that sounds like 'meet the fockers' have you seen it?

Blatherskite · 02/01/2011 21:59

I know! Eldest SIL and her husband have been married for 15 years, other SIL and husband for 10 and me and DH for over 5 years - you'd think we'd all have become emebers of the family by now! My Mum shows no favouritism of her shildren over my DH and BIL.

On the plus side, whenever we play 'Bloods V Outsiders' at Triv at Christmas, the Outsiders always win :)

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/01/2011 22:02

I secretly dislike mine. MIL is quite spoilt, completely disinterested in the DCs (or DH and I), bores me with tales of her innards and speaks before engaging her brain - but she does it all in a cloud of perfume and loveliness, so she gets away with murder. SIL is like Karen's sister in Outnumbered - anyone who's watched the programme will sympathise! BIL is a director of some multinational - very charming but utterly selfish, and used to getting his own way.

Of course, I'm perfect in every way! Blush Blush

Blatherskite · 02/01/2011 22:02

I have isore. I guess it does a bit. It's more fun to watch, I can tell you that Sad

They'll organise 'family' meals and only take DH and his 2 sisters. Today, everyone went to see a pantomime - except me and DD. DD is only 12 months so to little to go and one of us had to stay home. Had to be me though, thete is no way they'd have thought it fair that DH should stay home with her.

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 02/01/2011 22:07

I'm not wild about mine either.

They are morose, don't like anyone, treat each other like children (can't bear to be apart), timid, uneducated, dull, pessimistic and freakishly house-proud.

Dh is aware of all this but loves them all the same, so I don't bitch on and on about them. What is the point?

Original poster
Articulate · 02/01/2011 22:10

Isore..yes, very passive aggressive. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of confronting them.

I deal with it in my own passive agressive way..I always make their tea strong when they like it weak, spread butter on their toast instead of Flora light (when they're dieting, despite the fact that they're thin!) ditto full fat milk...and loads of other little things! Grin.

OP posts:
gothelen · 02/01/2011 22:12

After we went up to visit last Christmas DH's grandma (FILs mother) rang him up and offered to pay for a divorce. Those weren't her exact words, DH couldn't remember them he was so shocked when he grasped the meaning of what she'd said. It was the last straw for me, we had a shitey Christmas up there with them generally with step-cousins-in-law and uncles stirring the pot so I told DH I wouldn't be going up again. I have broken that by seeing them in the summer but it was on the way home from our holidays and DS's 2nd birthday but they're not so bad in the summer, it's when we're all cooped up in houses that there's problems. PIL live in the pocket of FIL's sister and her DH and the grandma in question, I think they're all MAD, esp MIL who has moved from more than 200 miles away from her MIL to less than 200 seconds away from her MIL. When you can roam between their gardens it's not too tricky to get away but in winter you're in the same place all the damn time.

But even with all that going on I am careful not to slag them off because they're DHs family and he loves them but he is all too aware of their faults. (They had his childhood pet dog put down without telling him when we were only 5 minutes up the road and he could have seen him and only mentioned it in passing when they rang to speak to him about something else. I think that was the big eye opener for him.) But it's like my sister is annoying and it's fine for me to bitch about it but if he does it I bristle in indignation.

So at the end of the epic post (I has in law ishoos, what can I say?! Wink) YANBU to keep your dislike to yourself.

ssd · 02/01/2011 22:12

I can't stand my in laws, mainly because they ignore my kids, the only kids in the family

I hate them

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