Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or rather is Huband BU to send 10 month old to nursery on day off

149 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 20:42

DS 10 months goes to nursery for 1 1/2 days a week. TBH I didn't want him to go until a year but had to go back to work sooner financially. DH knows this has upset me.

DS is fine at nursery but I would rather he was at home.

Anyway DH is off this week and I want DS to stay at home, however DH thinks we should stick to routine and we have paid for his sesions, and he needs to go to get used to it (even though he has been off nursery for 2 weeks!), AKA DH wants to sit on his bum and watch TV all day!

AT 10 months he doesn't NEED to get used to it...he is to young IMO. To make it worse these 2 weeks he was been soooooo clingy so I know he will hate to be there :(

AIBU only I think DH is being horrid?!!

OP posts:
Original poster
tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 20:42

Sorry HUSBAND
And DH has been off on hoilday for 2 weeks himself!

OP posts:
AnnOnimous · 02/01/2011 20:44

I don't think your DH is being unreasonable to be looking forward to having one and a half days to himself, which he has paid for.

Most parents would relish it.

Your son will be quite happy at nursery.

notterrysmine · 02/01/2011 20:44

YABU - if he doesn't go in then - it will be 3 weeks off.

DS doesn't know his dad will be sat at home on his arse. Even if you tell DS he'll still not understand Wink

Beamur · 02/01/2011 20:44

I think he's being a bit horrid too.
But there again, this is a bit of time you could have to yourselves. Maybe instead of TV you could do something together?

cornonthecob · 02/01/2011 20:44

YABalittleU, if your dh is like mine and works ridicoloushours and stills pulls his weight at home then it would be nice for him to have a proper day off if possible! its only one day...Smile

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 02/01/2011 20:45

TBH I would send him, sometimes having that time is a god send, and if i was home off work but paid i would send LO.
If shoe was on other foot would you be tempted to do the same?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 02/01/2011 20:45

tbh, I occasionally book days off work when DS is in nursery (not when he was that young though) because it's the ONLY time I ever get the house to myself for more than 20 mins at a time.

If your DS has been off nursery for 2 weeks, It would be better in a way for him to go, perhaps for a half day, jsut to get used to it again? My DS started nursery at 11mo and it was hard, it took him a long time to settle, so I do know how you feel :)

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 02/01/2011 20:47

I would send him and I speak as an ex nursery nurse.

  1. You have paid for the session so you may as well use it.
  1. 10 months is a rough age where they do need the consistancy of attending regularly and with it being Christmas it's good to get the children back into a "normal" routine - attending nursery regulalrly.
  1. One of the reasons he has probably been clingy is separation anxiety/change of routine/picking up on your anxieties regarding nursery etc.
cookielove · 02/01/2011 20:48

Speaking from someone who works in a nursery, it is important to keep continuity, for your ds sake, you say he doesn't need to get use to it, but as you are working i assume he will continue to attend in the new year, so i would have though in order for him to settle he should really attend as often as possible, also if your are back at work next week, your could use this time to help him settle back into nursery, and have a few shorter days.

However if you don't plan to send him back to nursery then there is no issue.

TarheelMama · 02/01/2011 20:48

I think YABabitU.

Your DH is right that it's important to stick to routines. Better for DS actually, he might be clingy bc his routine has been thrown off for two weeks.

Also, if DH wants him to go b/c he can't be bothered with watching him, then DS will be better off in nursery. DS will pick up on his dad not wanting to keep him.

It may not be what you want, and believe me I know where you're coming from, but for the sake of your DS it may be better for him to go to nursery.

I'm not excusing your DH's attitude though. I have the same problem with mine. I've just learned that arguing and then him grumping about keeping our DD seems to stress her out. Even at 8 months, she picks up on tension.

MissAnthrope · 02/01/2011 20:48

YABU

If you both work then he does need to get used to it, surely?

This way DH can settle him back in before leaving without the rush of having to dash off to work.

Everyone is entitled to have a childfree day where possible.

PrivetDancer · 02/01/2011 20:48

I think yabu. I'd do the same as your dh.
Also, if you think your Ds might be unhappy at going in after a break then perhaps it would be best to do it when your husband is around and could pick him up early if needed.

Bogeyface · 02/01/2011 20:50

Is the problem really about your DH wanting your son in nursery, or you being jealous that your DH could have a day with your son and you cant? You obviously dont want to be back at work yet, and would rather be at home with your son and I wonder if you are projecting your feelings about that onto him having to go to nursery.

A 10 month old will be fine at nursery, and yes he does have to get used to it I am afraid, if you are back at work permanently. So best that you get him back into his routine asap after the holiday.

MumNWLondon · 02/01/2011 20:50

YABU, your DH is entitled to some time to himself, its only one day. You've paid for the nursery, your DS is settled there.

ceebeegeebies · 02/01/2011 20:51

I think YABU tbh. I have lost count of the days I have sent my 2 DC to nursery when I am not at work (although admittedly it did take me a while to get my head round it when DS1 was first at nursery) but I have to pay anyway and those days when the boys were out of the house and I was in it by myself were bliss Grin

All that has come to an end now though as DS1 has started school so all my holidays are now needed for school holidays so no days doing nothing to do stuff round the house for me anymore Wink

I actually sent DS2 to nursery for 2 days last week even though me and DH were off and DS1 was off school - I must be really unreasonable!! DS1 and DS2 wind each other up tbh and we all needed the break after a week in each others pockets and it gave me and DH time to spend quality time with DS1.

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 20:51

I would be a hypocrite if I judged your husband. I work shifts so the childcare I actually have to pay for doesn't always coincide with what I need. (e.g. if I work the weekend, the dcs are home with dh and I won't need the Wednesday I have paid for)

Tbh I do fairly often put the dcs in childcare if I am off. The routine is good for them (imo) and I find it stressful working all weekend, then juggling the dcs all week. Maybe I am horrible but I am secure enough in the arrangements that dh and I have made for our family not to care what others think.

if your dh generally pulls his weight in terms of childcare/household stuff then be pleased for him that he has a "day off". Perhaps you could gently suggest/hint that he spends an hour or two clearing up and making a romantic meal for you later in the day. Perhaps he could pick up your dc an hour or two earlier. everyone would benefit then?

StopTalkingAndEatYourDinner · 02/01/2011 20:52

I don't think there is anything wrong with your DH wanting to sit on his bum and watch tv all day - its not like that's what he does every day and everybody benefits from a bit of time to chill out and be on their own sometimes.

Your DS will be fine, small children are more resilient than DH's in my experience Grin

spidookly · 02/01/2011 20:52

yabu

A day at home with no work and no children? Bliss

I also agree with your DH about 3 weeks being a long time off nursery and that you've paid for it.

TattyDevine · 02/01/2011 20:52

You can't have it both ways.

Its either okay to send him or it isn't, regardless of the reasons why. If it is not good enough care for him, find something else.

If it is good enough, then let your DH do what he wants with HIS annual leave. You are suggesting he/you should not only lose a day's leave, but a days nursery fees.

When was the last time your DH sat down in front of the TV and watched it with square eyes, guilt free? Read a paper cover to cover? Screwed together some flat pack without helpful little hands of crawling baby? Had a long hot shower without any brownie points being "spent"?

Let him have his day.

onepieceoflollipop · 02/01/2011 20:56

wanted to also add that on the odd occasion I have postively encouraged dh to take a half day (while children at school/nursery) to recharge. Admittedly this would be after me working 2 weekends in a row so he would in effect be working almost 3 weeks with no break. (i.e. at work all week, ft childcare all weekend, back to work all week, ft childcare at weekend etc etc)

I love my dh so much, he is a fab daddy, I love it if he gets a well deserved half day or whole day off.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 02/01/2011 20:56

YABU.
I remember once making conversation with a customer. I told her that I still sent my DS to childminder on his alloted day even if I didnt have work, I would still have had to pay the childminder. She was disgusted at this and it made me quite upset as if I was a bad mother for doing so. I was wisely told afterwards that a well rested contented mother (or father) was far more beneficial to a child.
You dont stop wanting time to yourself doing nothing sitting around watching TV just because you become a parent. Let him have this day, they are few and far between.

SmethwickBelle · 02/01/2011 20:58

Speaking for myself and my set up I wouldn't hesitate to put my two in nursery if I had a day or two off. What's wrong with sitting on your bum and watching telly if you get the chance? :)

DS1 is 1 year and DS2 is 3, they're in nursery 2 days a week, and have been from 6 months.

I'd say the stimulation from some other babies and fresh toys would be good for my DSs but I never get the feeling they don't like nursery, quite the converse. At that age clingyness could be teething or boredom even?

AnnoyingOrange · 02/01/2011 21:01

some SAHMs (me included) send their dc to nursery to have a break from them

TattyDevine · 02/01/2011 21:04

I found myself in Tesco 3 days before Christmas, doing an emergency "if you can't travel to pre-planned destination" shop due to snow.

In there I saw my friend and her husband doing their "Tesco didn't deliver our online shop due to snow" shop. On their own.

I asked absentmindedly where the kids were, she said "at nursery". Of course they were - they paid - they were (only just) on holiday, in the shit with their shopping, AS IF they'd bring the kids to THAT!

I would have thought them mad if they hadn't sent them in.

No reason why you can't collect a bit early.

When he's hating you and plotting you dead as a teenager, it wont be for that one day, trust me.

SnowyGonzalez · 02/01/2011 21:07

I don't like nursery as childcare for babies, so I also wouldn't like my baby to stay there on a day off. My 4 yo, however, adores his nursery. It's a totally different kettle of fish for older ones, so I wouldn't have a problem with it were the child much older.

Swipe left for the next trending thread