Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIBU?

Or rather is Huband BU to send 10 month old to nursery on day off

149 replies

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 20:42

DS 10 months goes to nursery for 1 1/2 days a week. TBH I didn't want him to go until a year but had to go back to work sooner financially. DH knows this has upset me.

DS is fine at nursery but I would rather he was at home.

Anyway DH is off this week and I want DS to stay at home, however DH thinks we should stick to routine and we have paid for his sesions, and he needs to go to get used to it (even though he has been off nursery for 2 weeks!), AKA DH wants to sit on his bum and watch TV all day!

AT 10 months he doesn't NEED to get used to it...he is to young IMO. To make it worse these 2 weeks he was been soooooo clingy so I know he will hate to be there :(

AIBU only I think DH is being horrid?!!

OP posts:

Report

Bobbiesmum · 02/01/2011 22:17

YA def NBU
I am surprised I am in the minority here. Your son is so small and I am sure no one chooses to send their babies to nursery so young unless they have to.
I was in your shoes and always kept dd off if I was off. Once she reached about 2 I would send her occasionally if I was off.
If my husband was off he would also Keep her off nursery, time is precious with your babies when you work outside the home.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 22:21

Thank-you Bobbiesmum if DS was 2 I can see he might need the routine verses not feeling 100% but he is a baby and needs loving!

OP posts:

spidookly · 02/01/2011 22:22

Freedom isn't part of the deal?

But I guess your own cross and some nails to hammer yourself on with are?

If a 10 month old with a mild cold and teething pain needs to be at home with a parent, then at least one parent must not work at all.

If your childcare is "not ideal", then find ideal childcare or stop working.

Teething lasts for the best part of 2 years on and off, as do baby snots. He's not sick, so if nursery is ok then he should go this week. If nursery is not OK he should never go.

OracleOfDelphinium · 02/01/2011 22:23

MaryP:

OracleOfDelphinium · 02/01/2011 22:26

Oh, go away with your crosses and nails, spidookly. It's nothing to do with being a martyr, and everything to do with babies being best off at home when they're not 100% if it's at all possible (which, often, it isn't). And anyone who denies that being a parent of a small baby means you have very little freedom is obviously on a different planet from me.

cookielove · 02/01/2011 22:28

i do know its not the same, but at nursery babies, and all older children do get lots of cuddles and love. Of course nothing can compare to the love and attention a parent can provide but nursery nurses do give attention to the children in there care

Saying that if he is generally unwell, they don't send him in. When i say unwell, i do believe teething children should attend nursery.

Bobbiesmum · 02/01/2011 22:29

Oh missed the bit about him feeling poorly. In that case definitely definitely not being unreasonable!
All the studies have shown that being cared for by a parent is best for a baby. We use nurseries because we have to but if there is a parent around why on earth would they not have their poorly baby?
There is no way my husband would send our baby in this situation. We obviously have different attitudes to the majority but that is probably why we live in a shit heap, have no life and are exhausted!!!

Janos · 02/01/2011 22:30

YABU

Your husband is recovering from an operation, why should he not have some time at home to rest?

Some parents like having time to themselves, this is not appalling or unusual. Yes, even when their DC are babies. Shocking I know.

Janos · 02/01/2011 22:34

If you someone needs to be at home every time DC are the slightest bit poorly then as spidookly says - someone has to not work.

It really is not at all unreasonable that someone wants a bit of time on their own - that goes for both parents.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 22:35

He HAS RECOVERED!!

OP posts:

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 22:36

And he has had plenty of time alone with his xbox!

OP posts:

sleepingsowell · 02/01/2011 22:37

I'm with bobbies and oracle. I personally would see nursery as childcare for when I was not there. I would not have enjoyed the child free time knowing my baby was in nursery care when he could have been home.

However, (as I get older and see more friends' kids etc) I can see that some friends have very equable babies who are happily handed over at nursery and come back full of smiles. In which case, or in the case that you've had 3 kids and only had about 3 child free days in ten years, then I can see how you would want to stick em in nursery and enjoy a day off

In my personal situation though, I would have strongly expected my DH to have our DS home.

Janos · 02/01/2011 22:41

TBH, it sounds like there are things going on here which are more to do with your DH and what he does or doesn't do, am I right?

If you do everything and feel like you are asking for this one thing - for him to care for DS, and he's said he won't do it, then I can understand why you feel put out.

Your DS really will be ok at nursery.

Janos · 02/01/2011 22:42

Finished too soon..I meant he will be ok there even if he is a bit poorly.

Janos · 02/01/2011 22:44

Is your DH normally good with your DC?

atmywitssend · 02/01/2011 22:55

I'm with you OP and so is DH. Can't imagine sending DS to nursery when one of us is here to look after him.

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 22:59

Janos from page 3
"He really does annoy me at the moment. Every time we get home from a morning/afternoon out with the children, he turns on the TV, I unpack all the bags! He doesn't sit with children and watch TV, he watches his own stuff. DS is wanting to play with us and he has one eye on the TV and not listening to DS. I really have had enough these hols. I am putting a ban on TV until after bedtime for the children. Arrrrr!"

OP posts:

Janos · 02/01/2011 23:05

Ah right so he is a lazy fecker normally and that's really whats bugging you.

sleepingsowell · 02/01/2011 23:07

I agreed with DH that when he had a child, the TV was off during the day. Well, DS watches kids TV but we don't watch anything until the evening.
It's something I felt really strongly about. Sitting goggling at the TV in the day time is just SO not something I wanted DS to rememver his parents doing. They're so precious, kids, and their early years are gone in such a flash, I felt strongly we played with DS when he was up. Or did something useful. Or read a book if poss. All stuff ok for DS to see!

Soups · 02/01/2011 23:09

If I see my dp try to sit down in that situation I ask him to do something. I'm unpacking the bags, can you do ......?

Nagoo · 02/01/2011 23:17

OP I completely understand. We went to marriage counselling last year, and until then i never realised how unbelieveably fucking I was about having to go back to work early when DS was 10 months.

I am usually the main breadwinner, and my DH was made redundant, and he decided not to get a job, but to volunteer as a classroom assistant in preparation for a career change to be a teacher. (He is now qualified but it was really hard on our marriage) So I was forced back to work.

I realise with the benefit of a bit of distance that it was only really about 8 weeks early but I was and am still a little bit furious.

Really though, you are projecting. You can't see why your DH would not want to shower your DS with affection and care. You don't understand how he can possibly find the xbox or some shit daytime telly to be preferentially getting his attention over your beautiful baby.

But he isn't you. And what you would love to do, is not necessarily how he would want to spend his time.

I don't get it either. I'm not going to say that that is 'just men', tempting as that may be.

So, YABU. The baby will benefit from the routine, you have paid already, and it makes no difference to you how your DH will spend his day. It is his day. You can't make him want to do what you would choose to do.

Nagoo · 02/01/2011 23:19

Soups, i do that.

I say, X and Y need doing, which one would you rather do? It's an excellent strategy.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 23:25

You are spot on Nagoo and it hurts :(

OP posts:

tryingtobemarypoppins2 · 02/01/2011 23:27

And his swearing in the car - at my driving- which isn't bad at all, is making me soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cross too!

His answer to my facial expression and stream from my ears is "do you want me to repeat it"

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 02/01/2011 23:37

yabu for the myriad pof reasons already stated

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.