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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I a mug?

13 replies

hoppershopper · 01/01/2011 21:42

DH has a bit of form for flirting. The facebook flirt, wife doesn't understand me crap, flirting with my mates on nights out etc, recently started to go out to 6 am and seems to always have his phone in his pocket or be using it. Had a big bust up couple of months ago about his drinking a d going out and being in no fit state to play with kids day after etc and very suddenly he has stopped drinking completely. Not a drop And he us very proud if himself as I am although I have never said he should stop altogether it was his choice.
He seems to have changed over the last few months, like I said the phone is never far away, he's lost weight through not drinking and he's got a lock in his phone a nd facebook. I have always said that due to me catching him being way to familiar with 2 other women on f b he needs to be completely transparent.
He left his phone on the bed side this morning and send one if the kids to habit waking me up so I had a look and found a message to his SIL saying give xxx a snog from me oh and feel her leg lmao! This is about SIL v pretty and skinny sister and I have gone mad. He doesnt think he's done anything wrong and says it's just an in joke between them all. Am I being gulible and over reacting. I think he's being a twat tbh and I feel really hurt

OP posts:
Seabright · 01/01/2011 21:44

What's he doing at 6am? All sounds fishy to me

tethersend · 01/01/2011 21:45

Just read your OP back.

I think your answer is right there.

compo · 01/01/2011 21:47

Well to give him credit he's stopped drinking and presumably doesn't go out until six am anymore but you still don't trust him?

mummyosaurus · 01/01/2011 21:48

A lock on FB and his phone?

He seems to have something to hide. My gut reaction is that you are being gullible if you believe this is just innocent fun. Not much of a joke to you is it? I hope I am wrong.

What would his brother think of the text (I'm assuming SIL is his brothers wife)?

Could you confront SIL?

I have to agree he sounds like a twat and I'm not surprised you feel hurt.

clumsymumluckybaby · 01/01/2011 21:52

i would be livid...Angry

SkyBluePearl · 01/01/2011 21:55

can you reinvent yourself as a new person and ask to be his friend? I'd have to get a peek on his FB one way or another. Although it is rather underhand.

CameronCook · 01/01/2011 21:56

The velcro phone seems to be a big red flag if you read through a lot of the posts on relationships. I don't understand why anyone has to have a lock on their phone that their partner does not know.

BelleDameSansMerci · 01/01/2011 21:56

I'm not sure about the text - that could be some sort of "in joke" - but the 6am stuff and the phone/FB does seem rather suspicious to me...

lagrandissima · 01/01/2011 21:56

I don't think this normal behaviour - not in a marriage where both parties are equally committed. I'd lay down the law big style, or pack his bags.

onepieceoflollipop · 01/01/2011 21:59

The trust has been long broken by the sound of it. Sad - his previous behaviour would have been enough for me tbh

What do you want to happen next OP?

Hassled · 01/01/2011 22:02

The thing is, even if it turns out that the man's a living saint and has done nothing wrong (unlikely), you clearly don't trust him as far as you could throw him, and that's no way to live. Can you see him ever changing? Do you think there will just be more and more of this shit?

hoppershopper · 02/01/2011 00:55

Yes I do think that there will always be something. We have 2 small dcs too and I'm so gutted. He always turns it rind on me after apologizing then gives me heartache over something else

OP posts:
smoggii · 02/01/2011 02:37

Even if he's not up to no good (which it sounds like he may be) he is being disrespectful to you.

If my husband said 'give x a snog for me' to anyone i would see it as disrespectful to our marriage.

I have never looked at DHs phone or FB but that's because he hands over FB on his profile unlocked when he's finished cos he's too lazy to log out! But i'm guessing he wouldn't be brave enough to do that if he was up to something.

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