to charge friend for babysitting on NYE?

[lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs]

Friend knows I dont do NYE and explained that she couldnt find a babysitter and would I be willing to do it for her, saying she would pay me. I said I normally charge £50 for the night on NYE.
A few weeks passed and via another friend I was made to feel very guilty that said friend couldnt go because she couldnt afford the £50. I then said I would do it for £30 as shes a friend but she needed to be back by 1.30am at that price.
All agreed, seemed fine
Babysat last night for her LO. One was fine but the other wouldnt go to bed till 11pm and was very rude to me.
12.40am I get a text telling me "remember I said I would pay you £20 tonight and £10 in the week", I replied I dont remember agreeing to that, but fine see you later. Then she texts and say "well my husband didnt think we should pay you at all because we are friends and help each other out!"

Now yes we do help each other out, with things like school pick ups and drop off or watching each others kids if needed. Now I never ask her to do this for me unless really needed and if I ask her she will always ask the next day for the return favor and normally not because she needs it but because she wants more time to self. She is always a favor for a favor type.
Anyways she has never had my children in the vening, only once when DH was rushed because to hospital. I have had her kids a number of evenings and never charged or been fussed about it, but she does tend to take the mick with things like arriving back 2-3 hours late or letting me continue to have the kids at mine when her dh has come home and gone out again when he could have come ad got them.

so sorry that ended up long.
I just dont know what to say to her next time. I tend to spend less kifds time with her as my dd1 doesnt really get on with her dd1 and they are in the same class.

The original thread topic or question was posed as 'Am I being unreasonable to charge friend for babysitting on New Years Eve?' but I don't think that is the real issue here.

Whether you charge your friend for babysitting services depends on the type of friendship you have - your real grievance stems from the fact that this friend agreed to pay you a fixed sum of money for providing your child minder service for that night but then later backtracked and wouldn't pay the agreed amount.

In that respect, your friend was wrong to break the agreement, especially after the service had been completed. You can choose to write it off and let her know that she wronged you - not because of the amount of money but rather on the principle of it, however I wouldn't advise you to break a friendship over such things as these are the types of incidents which you must overcome to build a stronger connection - perhaps by showing your good nature you can teach her something about good character and integrity.

I have a friend who is a cm and I allways insist that she charges me if she looks aftrer my kids. I wouldn't feel able to ask her if I couldn't pay her. Especailly if it is at an incoveniet time e.g. very early morning.

Its her business and if shes looking after my kids she is potentially turning away "proper" customers.

She has occasionaly offered to baby sit for free bwhich is allways greatfully recieved.

Someone I know is a child minder and babysat once. She wouldn't take any money, so I gave her some vouchers equal to what I would have paid her. I didn't feel I could ask again otherwise.

She sounds very unpleasant.

Well, I wouldn't charge a friend for babysitting. But if I agreed to pay someone I certainly wouldn't start moving the goalposts after the person was already there looking after my kids. Do you think they'd had a couple of drinks when they sent that unacceptable text?

Hard one, don't think its a good idea to babysit for friends for money. I don't actually see the big deal about NYE (although being up until 1.30am when I could have had early night would be annoying).

I think babysitting for friends only really works if its done by mutual favour - eg I'll babysit for 3 hours tonight, you'll babysit 3 hours for me next week.

I think accept she's not going to pay but say that you babysit for x no of hours, so she doesn't have to pay but you hope instead then she'll reciprocate the hours.

Just dont do it again, just in emergencies, if soemone has to go to hospital etc. There is nothing wrong with payment as long as both parties are happy with it, which it was, there was an agreement and she did not keep her side. Not worth the friendship over, just dont do it again, and same to you with her. Find someone else that can babysit your child in an emergency.

I think the point is, you had an agreement, whether it's "right" to charge friends for babysitting or not (and FWIW it sounds justified here, and she did offer), and she tried to weasel out of it. Not a friend, IMO

"for the record have never charged any friend for babysitting before, I do try and help when I can but already had other offers that night too but took hers as she asked first and lives round the corner."

Thanks for clarification - as you normally would not work NYE, you had every right to consider her alongside other potential clients, and can understand you turning down others in the meantime. Wonder what the initial reaction was (to you) when she heard 50 quid ?

A single dad I know (wife lives elsewhere with new partner and family) pays a neighbour (as his hours are 1400-2100 M-F and 1000-2100 Saturday).

He decided not to go out NYE as it would cost 35 quid for that evening (did not get into details about hours) but this is an informal arrangement and life is not as expensive here in N Wales as in many other parts of UK.

30 quid (admittedly due to guilt trip) sounds very reasonable considering the 0130 end time (ie you were putting yourself out for their enjoyment, and giving up midnight with your own family).

I think you should 'use' her only if your need is exceptional (you mentioned DH and hospital) but not at all otherwise, and she will slowly get the message, because her approach is 'take what she can get' AFAICS.

Find some new friends for regular and emergency cover if at all possible.

I think the op has thought her "friend" enough about her good nature for her friend to learn to take advantage rather than taking her example, sadly.

taught. not thought.

feeling like a doormat now :(

Sorry if I missed it, but what did they say when they picked the kids up? HAve you texted about the rest of the money?

Being taken advantage of does not make you door mat, it makes you a normal nice caring person, happy to help someone out.

However taking advantage of someone makes them a selfish grasping bitch who doesnt deserve a friend like you.

I know who I would rather be :)

I babysit for friend/neighbour and she pays me - usually £25 a night. She said ages ago she would love to find some young girl to babysit her boys so I offered as I am as cheap as a young girl but hopefully at 40 a little more trustworthy and reliable :)

Crumbs - 6 quid seems low (considering minimum wage is what, 5.93/hour ?) and one is in a position of responsibility (admittedly, there's a difference between doing the odd evening a month for a few extra pounds to save, compared with being a full-time employee with tax and NI contributions etc, but 6 quid still seems very low to me.

You are not a doormat - just a kind person who wanted to unselfishly help a so called friend

You named your cheap price and your friend agreed

Anyone else would have charged her at least £6ph / more than likely £10/12ph as Nye and most things like taxis double

£6 is low but over Nmw - most nannies I know and myself charge £10pm normal rate

But whatever you charged you BOTH agreed on and your friend is out of order to say they ran out of money and not paying you the last £10

I would be asking for that extra £10 - you bloody earnt it!!!!

YANBU - Just reminiscing, I remember a few years ago before I had children I used to babysit for a friend now and again. I never charged her - that's what friends are for.

A while later I had moved an hours drive away from her and was a student so was absolutely skint. She asked me to babysit because "I can't get a babysitter for this night."

She asked me to be there at 6pm. I drove the hour there. (To be fair, she had offered to stand me a takeaway because DH was going to come too but he changed his mind so I said I would eat fish fingers with her DS) They got back at 1am. I drove the hour home. She gave me a bottle of £2.99 wine as a thank you. They took a much nicer bottle of wine with them to put in the raffle.

I strongly suspect that seven hours' babysitting would have cost more than my friend wanted to pay, and that was the reason she "couldn't get a babysitter" for that event.

Seven hours I babysat! That's the same as a working day! Plus the petrol (although it wasn't as expensive then). She could have offered me a tenner, which would have been the cost of the takeaway I didn't have.

Needless to say when I had kids she never offered.

thank you all, I never ask her to have my girls in the evening because they are both autistic and can cause trouble, either me and dh go out seperately or my mum sits for me.

TBH your friend should have paid you because thats what she agreed to HOWEVER, I would NEVER have charged a friend if I had no plans for NYE EVER seriously, that's what friends do for one another, ig you had done that for her FOC then one night you might have wanted to go out and then you could have had a free babysitter

I would never have asked for £50 either - even if I was a professional child minder - what a rip off!

you did agree the cost/time before NYE hand and so if she was unwilling/resentful about paying she should have spoken up b4 then.

it doesn't sound like you are really good friends though and she sounds like a user. maybe create a little distance between you both. Say you have other plans if she askes a favor.

YANBU! I don't see why you should be given a hard time for providing paid childcare at a reduced rate. What staggeringly entitled attitudes she and her husband have.

They're incredibly rude IMO. You already reduced your rate as a favour, and she then tried to wriggle out. You accepted the altered terms but pointed out it was an alteration and then she insulted you.

I do hope she has no plans for next year.

Maddy68 - that's the thing though - Lisa could have bs elsewhere that night and earnt more

£50 for Nye is bloody cheap - as I said I charge £10ph normally (in se) and got asked (as I do every year) to bs Nye. I quoted £20ph (double my usual rate) and lady was happy to pay that and so my friend did it

Worked 7-2 and earnt £140

Yes a lot to spend/earn but that's normal for my area