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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have enjoyed my state education MORE than my private education expereinces?

38 replies

poshsinglemum · 30/12/2010 22:12

I do apprechiate my private school education BUT I went to a state primary and a state comp and I have to say that i enjoyed the state schools more. I just felt more at home.

I just couldn't relate to my peers at all at the private school with their yaughts, holidays in Necker and ponies.

I never felt that I could be myself and I didn't thrive socially.

I am so glad that I have experienced both as I feel that I can see the merits of both and I won't feel that I have failed dd if I can't send her to a private school.

The private school campus was an amazing environment in the physical sense but in a social sense it was very tough and based on flashing lots and lots of cash.

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 30/12/2010 22:14

At which school did you learn to spell?

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 30/12/2010 22:16

Exactly! And I'm an English teacher! Just a very slack one.

OP posts:
ilythia · 30/12/2010 22:19

I went to a private school where I was bullied mercilessly for being 'poor', had some teachers who obviously hated me and were awful, and some others who were wonderful.
I also went to a state school where I was bullied mercilessly for being 'rich', had some teachers who obviously hated me and were awful and some others who were wonderful.

Not seeing your point tbh. A school is a school, the ethos is what is important, not how much or how little you paid for it.

Debretts · 30/12/2010 22:22

Are you my SIL's friend who doesn't want my son to go to private school? Hmm

Lamorna · 30/12/2010 22:24

I don't see the point either because it is,as has already been said, the ethos of the school. There are good and bad state schools and there are good and bad private schools. Bullies are bullies, having money doesn't change it!

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 30/12/2010 22:27

It's a different kind of bullying at private school. I never felt ostracised in any of my state schools. I felt accepted. There was teasing but generally it was in good humour.

I think every parent should have the choice. If your child is happy at a private school then it is a wonderful education. Looking back; I wish I'd made more of it. I guess I wish I'd stood up for myself more.

OP posts:
Original poster
poshsinglemum · 30/12/2010 22:28

I am glad i went to my posh school even though it wasn't comfortable. Who loves school really anyway?

OP posts:
TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 30/12/2010 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorticiaAddams · 30/12/2010 22:29

LOL poshsinglemum, I do love a bit of slackness.

We have a few private schools around here that are not the domain of the privileged few but are within easy reach of many who have a few spare quid or are willing to sacrifice other luxuries for their children's education. They seem a good compromise to me as they do have the advantage of the small classrooms but most of the parents holidaywise are somewhere between Necker Island and Barry Island. Smile

Cleofartra · 30/12/2010 22:29

YANBU, but for different reasons. I went to a couple of shitola private schools where most of the teachers were odd. Did my A levels at an FE college and thought it was amazing. Fantastic teachers - very bright and eccentric. Just my type. Really enjoyed mixing with normal teenagers who didn't have a sense of entitlement, weren't shovelling coke up their noses/drinking themselves silly, and nurturing complex eating disorders.

JaneS · 30/12/2010 22:40

I think most normal kids would prefer state school, wouldn't they? It's just hard to know which is 'better' overall. Private school was a godsend for my poor big brother who was bullied at his state school and just didn't have the social skills to cope there - he thrived on smaller class sizes and a more meritocratic system.

I thought I liked private school but in retrospect I enjoyed state school more. I think it's not right for an 11-year-old to be catching a bus at 7.30 am, not eating until 1 and then not getting home until 5pm. I wish I'd been allowed to stay with my friends and had more of a life as a teenager. But then, who knows what I'd have made of the state school I would have gone to?

Why does it bother you, posh? Do your parents feel you should be constantly thanking you or something?

LaWeaselMys · 30/12/2010 22:51

Posh - unless I'm confusng you with someone else haven't you started this thread at least twice already.

You don't want to send her, so don't - it's fine.

I went to private school and wouldn't send DD to one, various members of my family thing I am mental for not doing everything I can to do so.

But... It's not something I feel the need to talk about lots, I know I'm not keen on them don't want to do it. Decision made.

Is there a reason why you keep thinking about this so much?

LaWeaselMys · 30/12/2010 22:53

Not trying to be critical, but it is worrying me a bit how much the idea of your DD going to private school seems to bother you?

scottishmummy · 30/12/2010 23:02

do take that big ole chip off your shoulder. moooove on from school.you're an adult and shit happens.so deal with it

scottishmummy · 30/12/2010 23:08

there's another mn goes on about her private school etc and how life not quite what she expected.she posts a few wailing i didnt expect this posts.drops in she is private ed but then guilt trips herself about it

you two should hook up
isnt you is it?

itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife · 30/12/2010 23:16

Not all private schools are like that though.

There are good and bad schools in both sectors as well as schools good and bad for each particular child.

Of the private and state schools I went to they all had their pros and cons. I dont think any of them suited me as an individual.

DS says he is happy at his current state school but I dont doubt that he'd be happier at a (private) school which is better suited to his needs. Personally I feel like a failure for being unemployed at the moment and not having any alternative.

If money was no object then I wouldn't even consider state. And before anyone rushes in with stories of wondeful state schools, I'll say that none of them are in this area.

Prinnie · 30/12/2010 23:24

Well here's a different spin - there's bullying wherever you go, but state school bullying is less severely dealt with IME. I went to a state secondary (after turning down the opportunity to go to private) and was spat on, had my lunch stolen and thrown at me, constantly sworn at, and underwent all kinds of horrendous emotional abuse from at least 50% of the year group. Despite lots of requests for help all the teachers - inc HoY etc just ignored it. And I'm fairly young so this wasn't too long ago.

LaWeaselMys · 30/12/2010 23:35

No idea what you're getting about Scottish.

I have never started a thread about private schools. There's no need. DD's not going.

And I'm not very often on private school threads anymore because I've got past how fucking awful it was and don't need to tell people about it anymore. Plus it always decends into a row and nobody changes their mind. Bit pointless really.

I posted on this one because I remember posh and she seems to have a big issue with school that she can't get over, and it would great to know what it was and see if anyone had any better advice than 'get over it' because she's clearly struggling to do that.

roisin · 30/12/2010 23:38

I went to a state primary, then went to a very small independent school. I had the time of my life and absolutely loved my school days, and I loved it at the time, not just in retrospect. I don't know anyone who enjoyed their time at secondary school as much as I did.

It wasn't a very academic place, though a group of us did achieve very highly. But it was a real community, where everyone knew each other - staff and pupils - and learned to be tolerant of each other and rub along nicely together.

scottishmummy · 30/12/2010 23:39

im not talking to you,thats why you not got clue. i am saying there is a mn does bring this up lots

and i say moooooooooooooooooooove on

LaWeaselMys · 30/12/2010 23:41

Ooooh.

Sorry! No wonder I was wondering wtf you were talking about.

BitOfFun · 30/12/2010 23:42

Yes- mooooooove on. Couldn't agree more.

scottishmummy · 30/12/2010 23:44

school schmool.we are all big lassies now.and adult hindsight applied to adolescence is a wonderful thing.not

mamatomany · 30/12/2010 23:55

Do you think your parents would want to hear that all their efforts to give you what they considered a good start were in vain ?
I hope you keep your comparissions to yourself, if you'd attended the shit hole I went to where the teachers expected you to get pregnant at 15 and considered themselves worthy of a pat on the back if you didn't then you'd be grateful you have something to compare your state education to.
I hope my own children enjoy their education, but if they don't I hope they at least have the good grace to not throw back the sacrifices their parents have made in their face.

SarahStrattonsBaubles · 31/12/2010 07:59

Lucky you. I went to a pre-prep school, then state primary, a state secondary and a prep school. I was bullied mercilessly, and unrelentingly at both state schools. If I hadn't been able to escape back to a prep school I can honestly say I don't know what would have become of me.

Bullying is not confined to private schools. It is totally irrelevant, choose your child's school by which one is best for your child, regardless of it's type. Choose by instinct. Not what you feel should be correct but by what is correct. For your child. Not your conscience.

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