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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want DDs to be bridesmaids?

28 replies

jellybeanstastepurple · 29/12/2010 22:17

DDs are 10 and 6. My (well, DH's) niece has asked them to be bridesmaids at her wedding next summer and they are thrilled. BUT they don't know her at all- we see her at Christmas and at any other family events- they would honestly walk past her in the street. It feels like she is just using them for the obligatory cute child spot.

Also, the only other child in the family (I say child, she is 16) has not been asked. She will be the only one not with a role in the bridal party (niece's brothers will be ushers.) I feel so bad for her :(

AIBU?

OP posts:
olderyetwider · 29/12/2010 22:19

Don't worry about it too much, let DDs enjoy the experience, and maybe, if you all get along, see more of her in the future?

Trubert · 29/12/2010 22:21

I can't see that the reasons you have given would justify refusing an invitation to be bridesmaids. Unless your daughters don't want to do it?

westlake · 29/12/2010 22:22

Also, at 16, I would rather have died than had to don a bridesmaid dress so she might prefer to let off the hook?

MerrilyDefective · 29/12/2010 22:22

I think i'd let them,DD was bridesmaid for her Aunt who she barely knew when she was 11.
We all had to travel to Scotland (from south coast)for the wedding.
She loved it.
Lovely dress,loads of fuss etc
(and all the Aunts and Uncles who they didn't know kept giving them all money!)
DSs were too young to be terribly useful but looked really cute in their kilts Smile.

Lamorna · 29/12/2010 22:23

If the DDs are thrilled it seems mean spirited to stop them. It is a good chance for them to get to know her. I wouldn't worry about the 16 yr old, she won't have the excitement of a 6 and 10 yr old and I don't suppose that she is bothered.

Original poster
jellybeanstastepurple · 29/12/2010 22:26

They will love it, I know... I just feel like being a bridesmaid should be something more special (I know it sounds daft.)

And I just keep imagining all the other nieces and nephews getting pictures as a group and 16y/o niece sitting in a corner by herself :(

Christmas must be getting to me. Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
Hassled · 29/12/2010 22:29

The 16 year old will be grateful and happy not to be included, I'd have thought. Is there anyone you can ask to check that is the case and she hasn't just been forgotten?

And re your DDs - you're overthinking this; they'll probably love it.

Actuallawyer · 29/12/2010 22:29

It doesn't prevent them from being a bridesmaid in the future for someone they're closer to. Let them have their fun, it may bring you closer to the bride.

Lamorna · 29/12/2010 22:30

I think the 16yr old will be very happy not to be included and it will be very special for your DDs.

ivykaty44 · 29/12/2010 22:35

wedding to me are supposed to be about two families coming together - sounds like this bride has tryed to do just that and is including as many in the bridal groups as possible even children that she hasn't meet much before.

t

Original poster
jellybeanstastepurple · 29/12/2010 22:53

You really all think she'll be glad to be left out? I would have been paranoid at 16 thinking I was too fat or ugly to be chosen, which I suppose is my worry Confused. Bride said she didn't think she'd want to be one either, so I'm definitely the odd one!

Yes, the girls are already looking forward to it! Unfortunately bride-niece lives in London and will be down there permanently after the wedding, but I am going to at least get an email sorted (we don't even have her phone number atm!)

Thank you all again.

OP posts:
theevildead2 · 29/12/2010 22:54

The kids will have fun, and the 16 year old is practically an adult now and will not want to be grouped with a six or a ten year old at all!

Notautomaticallysupportive · 29/12/2010 23:39

Let them enjoy it! It's a good opportunity for them to dress up, have fun, and learn some social skills. As for the 16 year old, she's old enough to start learning to cope with things like that, I would have thought. Life ain't always fair, and the bride obviously only wants the tow little uns - her prerogative.

hmc · 29/12/2010 23:40

You are over thinking this!

treas · 30/12/2010 00:20

You never know this maybe the only time that they ever get asked to be bridesmaids.

My brother-in-law decided to get married for the 3rd time in Gretna Green when my dd was 4 and we were told that they were not having a bridesmaid. Next second the girl who mucks out the stables for sister-in-law is bridesmaid. Apparently, my dd was too young at 4 where as this other child had just turned 6.

The only responsibility the bridesmaid had was to look sweet, which to be frank my dd managed to do without being the bridesmaid.

This said dd often asks now why she wasn't a bridesmaid.

EverythingInMiniature · 30/12/2010 11:18

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PixieOnaLeaf · 30/12/2010 14:26

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nickelbabyjesus · 30/12/2010 15:06

Maybe it might be worth mentioning to Bride that her 16yo niece might want to be an usher with the nephews?

I don't get why people think only men can be ushers.

Then she owuldn't have to dress up like a doll, but still be part of it.

then you won't feel so guilty about your DDs being in it.

NormalityBites · 30/12/2010 15:09

I wouldn't allow my DDs to be bridesmaid full stop, for anyone but I accept that I am odd.

gillybean2 · 30/12/2010 15:16

I was a bridesmaid for an aunt I barely knew (and still barely know). I had a great time, was made a big fuss off, and know now I was only picked (only with a cousin) so as to include the oldest girl from each of her and her husbands sides of the family.

I think it is some kind of magical thing most little girls would love to do.

My sisters never got to be bridesmaids (not until they were older and for each other). By which time I wouldn't be persuaded into a silly dress for love nor money.

shubiedoo · 30/12/2010 15:18

The bride may well think of some other wedding "job" for the older niece to do, look after the guest book or something. If not, maybe mention it to bride or her mum closer to the time?

humanoctopus · 30/12/2010 15:18

I would just let them do it.

Its nice of her to ask them, I wouldn't over analyse why. It'll be a great way of getting to know that branch of the family a bit better, if nothing else.

I am biased though, I always wanted to be a bridesmaid/flower girl when I was a girl :(

PixieOnaLeaf · 30/12/2010 15:20

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MrsCratchit · 30/12/2010 15:29

I asked my DH's little cousins to be my bridesmaids despite only having met them a couple of times (although they did know DH well). They were 4 & 10 at the time and it really brought me closer to DH's family. They have a brother then 8 and we made him and my 9 yo make cousin 'photographers' and gave them each a cheap polaroid camera to take extra pictures of the day for us.

My female cousin was 17 at the time and one of my three grown up bridesmaids with DS and BF. She looked stunning and thanks to the hair and make-up lady just right for her age, despite having the same (Coast) dress as the other two.

Having said that my sister was asked to be a bridesmaid when she was 12 and I was 16 by a family friend. I remember being very relieved not to have to wear the monstrosity my sister had to- she still cringes at the photos! Mum bought me a nice outfit fir the wedding and a new lip gloss and mascara and I was chuffed to bits!

confusedeasterbunny · 30/12/2010 15:51

YABU it's an honour for them to be asked.I think you are very mean spirited to think it's just because your DC are SOOO cute.I am sure she knows lots of friends children she could have asked if she wanted a cute child.