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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Circumcision but no Circumcision Party

446 replies

thefruitwhisperer · 29/12/2010 10:58

DP is turkish but he and his family were all born in the UK and dont practise Muslim traditions apart from Eid. My DP is the only one who does Ramadan and thats only every couple of years when he can be bothered. They celebrate xmas and easter etc.

Ive agreed to have our month old baby circumcised as thats what DP wants and I agree that there are plus points, but Im an atheist so I would like all religious connotations taken out of the situation. I think thats a fair compromise (esp as its going to be quite hard for me, Im really scared) and I would like it to be a quiet decision between DP and I. His family will know the baby has been cut, why do we need to celebrate it in a party that is more for the sake of getting presents than it is anything else. I dont want the gifts.

DP has admitted that the only reason his family circumcise their babies is for social reasons, everyone has it done, everyone has a party, everyone gets money as gifts. Ive compromised on the actual circumcism, and I really really dont want to have a party. I will feel as though Ive sold my babies foreskin. Add to that, if theres no religious reason for it, why are we even doing it - and the only answer I can see is cultural/social/peer pressure reasons. I just dont see any reason to celebrate this pointless operation (obviously only pointless in this instance, I can understand where it is necessary medically or in religious circumstances) other than to show off that we have conformed and then get some money. Children who have their appendixes out dont have parties. I mean, I could equally argue that we have the baby christened catholic, my family all are and dont go to church.

AIBU to have the operation but draw the line at a party? I think DPs family are all going to be disappointed with me. And his grandparents apparently disowned his uncle for the same thing.

OP posts:
pooka · 29/12/2010 22:50

COnfuddleddotcom - I looked at that website before I think. Very well written pieces about circumcision.

Loved the pictures of Christmas Lunch too. :)

TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 29/12/2010 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notautomaticallysupportive · 29/12/2010 23:48

Stick up for yourself and don't do it. You say "if theres no religious reason for it, why are we even doing it - and the only answer I can see is cultural/social/peer pressure reasons". You seem to be doing it only for peer pressure reasons. I would never have it done to my kid in a million years - can't see any point whatever.

Gin4495 · 30/12/2010 00:12

Why the hell would anyone do that to their child. Cruel. I wouldn't have my child circumcised under any circumstances other than medical.

whethergirl · 30/12/2010 00:12

OP, I am also from a turkish family, I was born in the UK. My parents are so called "muslims" but non practising. Similarly, the only celebration we really take any notice of is eid, even then it's a social thing and no-one goes near a mosque. We all "celebrate" Christmas, Easter etc - that is, not in a religious way but again in a social way and for the fun of it.

I have a 5 year old DS and my parents (and other relatives in their generation) totally ASSUME that I will get DS circumscised, even though I have never mentioned it. My cousin even told me that my recently told her she was saving up for the circumscison party!

Pretty soon, the conversation will come up and I am going to have to shock everyone and make it clear that I don't want my ds circumscised. I know it will upset my parents and I'll be gossiped about but I really don't give a shit. MY son, HE's penis, NO-ONE elses business. Not sure if that helps, just though I'd give you my opinion. Seems like you are not keen on the idea, and unless you are 100% comfortable with it...personally I wouldn't make your ds go through it. I totally understand how your dp will react but I think you have every right. You could even say, that you'd rather leave it up to your ds, and when he's older he can decide for himself.

whethergirl · 30/12/2010 00:13

Sorry that should read, my MUM told my cousin that she was saving up for the party.

kelway · 30/12/2010 00:21

op, you were brave to post a question like this on such a 'right on' website, like ringing the dinner bell. The only people who are pro having it done are people who live the culture that it applies to. I understand why people have it done, i am a jew HOWEVER i would personally not have it done had i had a son. My dh is christian and i think a childs willy should be as his fathers, i also prefer them with than without plus i would be terribly upset to do something unecessary that would hurt my child plus i have another reason that would sound odd to most people so i won't print it but to summarise, i have known many men over the years of jewish heritage and if you live ie as a jew then to not have it done would seem 'odd' if you live within that clique but if you do not, i certainly wouldn't have it done, no sir!

ohyouknow · 30/12/2010 00:54

Don't let him do it if you don't want it done. simple. You are his mother and in this instance i would say that you know best. YANBU x

granted · 30/12/2010 00:55

Am I the only one to find 200 women debating earnestly what it feels like to be circumcised, when by definition none of us have the relevant part, rather odd?

I know many men both circumcised and not and as far as I know they are all happy with what they've got and I am not aware of one who falls in either camp who would change what they now have.

granted · 30/12/2010 00:56

At least in terms of circumcision. Blush

Obviously, they might want a bigger one. Grin

confuddledDOTcom · 30/12/2010 00:59

kelway my stepsons penises will never look like their father's either the intact or the circumcised ones. Maybe when they're older they'll match him in size/ shape/ hair or they may be totally different but they still won't look alike and I doubt they'll care. My other stepson told his father he was glad it wasn't him who was done.

My Mum is a G cup, I'm an H cup and my sister is a B cup. We accept that we look different, maybe we should club together to get my sister a boob job or maybe Mum and I should get a reduction?

My daughter has blonde hair, I'm brunette should I dye her hair to match?

Where does the matching children to their parents end?

ohyouknow · 30/12/2010 01:00

would you opt for circumcision as an adult, Granted?

confuddledDOTcom · 30/12/2010 01:04

granted, I have a foreskin, I was under the impression we women all do. Just because I keep my sex organs on the outside doesn't exclude me from having a say on the mutiliation of my children's sex organs.

Breezy1985 · 30/12/2010 01:09

They thought my DS needed a circumcision when he was born as his foreskin wasn't fully formed, i was terrified to be honest. Thankfully it took 6 months for him to get an appoinment with the plastic surgeon who said it no longer needed doing!!

I would not do it unless it was for medical reasons, no matter if his father wanted it done or not!!!

whethergirl · 30/12/2010 01:10

Granted, using your own arguement that we do not have the relevant part, then surely this is even more reason to not take the risk of meddling with it? If we don't know and not sure what it feels like then why would we even take the risk?

ohyouknow · 30/12/2010 01:12

Granted, are you unsure? If you are don't have it done. If you are sure then you've already made your mind up.

your last post seems to me that you have made your mind up. Good - if that is what you feel is best. I hope it all goes well x

izzywizzywoowooo · 30/12/2010 01:17

This threads horrible Sad

I cannot think why anyone would inflict this on their baby, (Medical reasons aside!)

Aren't we supposed to protect our DC from pain, hurt etc?

Makes me feel rather Ill. I wonder if the parents wouldn't mind being mutilated? Hmm

This practise should stop, regardless of bloody religion. Angry

expatinscotland · 30/12/2010 01:42

Basically, having a foreskin will mean a bit of extra stimulation during deep penatration. I do now prefer the uncirumsiced male, being married to one and monogamous for years I can't really recall otherwise, but for BJ purposes same goes - they've all got a sensitive spot about a centimeter below the glans. Hit that with your tongue a bit and you're halfway there. And use your hands!

NetworkGuy · 30/12/2010 02:23

FAOnTelly - "People come out with all sorts of ill informed, knee-jerk opinions."

... and do you think that if the subject was posted elsewhere, same opinions would not be written ?

The subject comes up here, from time to time, presumably because it is a rather drastic action, and some have doubts about its worth.

As you have thrown down the gauntlet by stating there are ill-informed opinions, you really ought to come back to set people straight if you think you know better... or "the truth" as some might state their beliefs to be...

midlandsmumof4 · 30/12/2010 02:36

Expat....shut up

ChippingIn · 30/12/2010 03:04

midlandsmumof4 - who do you think you are? How rude.

confuddledDOTcom · 30/12/2010 03:15

Agree with NetworkGuy, I forgot to ask that.

Also with ChippingIn, what was that about?

ChippingIn · 30/12/2010 03:22

Who knows? Hard to believe you can have 4 kids yet get so upset about a post about a BJ isn't it!

Weemee · 30/12/2010 10:33

cutting off part of a child penis for ANY reason is mutilation pure and simple. There is no justification for anyone to do this to their child. If you chopped off part of your child's finger on purpose and then had a party to celebrate, you would be prosecuted. However, chop off part of their penis in the name of religion and well that's ok?? Ridiculous. Would you be happy if someone chopped off part of your body??

spikeycow · 30/12/2010 10:40

Haven't read the thread but do you need a fire extinguisher OP? Have you been told you are a child abuser? What you must realise is that the white middle class know best, and are able to stand in judgement on other cultures because they are, well, just better. More civilised, if you will. HTH

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