to not want to eat at the table with my children

[soggy14]

because their table manners are appalling?

Well i must be one of the worlds worst mothers because i DON'T eat with my chidren ( at least not their main meal we have lunch together). They eat theirs at about 5 and my husband and I have ours at around 8 when he finishes work ( and the children are already in bed).

I sit with them but with their ages ( 6,4,1 and a baby) i have two youth ones that need feeding so if i tried to eat mine i would end up with cold food and a stressful mealtime!.

It does mean cooking twice but i get my relaxed evening meal every night.

Their manners are not too bad they sit nicely and eat although there is a certain amount of food spillage to clean up

Fernie-mine always had their tea early at these ages -I would sit with them and have a cuppa ,chat and supervise.

They were too tired to stay up late and DH and I would eat later.

We always ate breakfast and lunch together and as they got older they ate dinner with us as well.

YABU. You need to sit with them, and preferably eat with them, to teach them some manners.

I don't eat with my children vey often. I just spend all the time picking up thrown food, telling off and not getting a chance to eat any myself .

They have perfect table manners at nursery and when we go to restaurants , but at home it's like a chimps tea party. I just chat to them while they eat as they play up less if I'm not sitting with them.

thefentiger - hi, so do you think i'm expecting to much considering their ages?

Hi monkeyflippers
I remember it being exhausting at that age-constant reminding of manners - but it is worth it in the end !
Is your DH/DP on board-I found my DH would sit there chomping away without a care in the world whilst I was up and down like a yoyo - mind you his family have vile table manners and I dont think it bothered him as much as me !

The reality is (hope this doesnt seem harsh)that a 4 and a 2 year old are not going to sit like little angels and eat perfectly-they need your guidance and input and for you to be firm and consistent with them.

I can remember longing to just eat in peace and regular adults only takeaways were the highlight of my week(saddo I know!).

i think it depends how picky you are.

i think i only insisted on waiting til everyone finished the meal before leaving the table OR asking to leave the table "please may i leave the talbe?"

what other rules can there possibly be?

meal times are special, and you will oly realise this when your children hit 16 and don't eat with you anymore.

mealtimes can be the best part of the day, depending on hw you handle it.

we each took it in turns to ask each other how our days were. we sat and listened to everyone in turn. even me and dh. and the children would listen to the boring bits about work and i would listen to the inane chatter about children i had no interest in at their school. i think this kind of socialisation is important.

i love the food int he middle of the table, everyone helping themselves, lovely chatter and conversation

i think people should really look to the french of the italians - who really do make the most of food and TIME with others whilst eating food.

i have a nephew that is nagged at for the littlest things when he is sat at the table

" don't talk with your mouth full"

we are at a table for gods sake - i just asked him a question - its not the crime of the century, he is eating his food, we are having a nice chat - whats the problem?

put the fork in your left hand

really, no one cares - and as an adult - especially if i am out for lunch, listening and chatting with friends, i can often be seen eating food one handed - right handed fork.

quiet, clean mealtimes are rubbish, and i think those who expect quiet clean mealtimes - are missing out on lots of good experiences with their children

My teenagers still eat with us for most meals custardo
The point is once they get to 8 ish their manners should be in place already-if they have had the guidance at an earlier age.
I dont have to constantly nag mine to watch their table manners-they know how to behave.

Personally I think if you allow your DC to grow up with appalling table manners you are doing them a great disservice in life.

As a child we spent many holidays abroad with my grandparents and loved the big family gatherings you describe -lots of chat and relaxation.
However the adults present would be horrifiedif I had spoken with my mouth full,spat out food, whinged about the food etc.
That is what we are discussing on this thread-none mentioned sitting in grim silence !

Noone

righto, keep your shirt on

YANNNNNBU

I read on here once that a mumsnetter and her family used family mealtimes to "discuss current affairs"

hot, bitter tears spilled down my porcelain cheeks

Eating with your children is the only way to teach good manners. Before I met my DH his family never ate at the table and as a result he never put his knife and fork together after eating and ate most things with a spoon. Yes a spoon. I have seen him eating a full english with a spoon. Needless to say, that soon changed!

I think you've missed a few of the posts thefentiger, that have already said that excellent table manners have disappeared with the introduction of shared school meals. My own Ds was fine from 2 to 8 years old and then... :( it becomes wearing aftewr years of putting them straight.

Yep. My ds had lovely tabkle manners at 2. Then he went to nursery, which also had the effect of making him really picky about food cos they fill them up on stuff kids love (the bastards) like Mac n cheese and puddings.

Sometimes I take mine into the living room until he promises to eat properly.

Also, make sure your children are actually hungry at mealtimes, rather than filled up with snacks through the day.

Hungry=eating whats in front of them and less messing.
I can't bear it when I have been at friends houses, the three year old or whatever wont eat their lovely lunch, then twenty minutes later they are nagging for cereal. And they get it! Wonder why they wont sit at the table!

I am dead harsh though.

Five Sorry you are right didnt clock the bit about school meals -mine had sarnies all through school after DS saw the portion sizes !(minescule).
Infuriating if they pick up bad habits

You have to lead by example and at the end of the day, if you don't insist and ensure that they have excellent table manners, and it starts from the moment they are big enough to sit at the table, it will show and they will be laughed at. It will not matter how many university degrees they get if they can't hold a knife and fork properly, etc..

Good table manners are achieved by sharing meals together - never by arguing, never by witholding food, etc. It won't work every time but it will all come right eventually. DD was shocking for eating with her fingers but it all came right eventually (about 10 .

The SILs, in their forties, continue to count food, exercise greed vis a vis portions, not pass, hold their cutlery like chimps and think it's funny to lick plates - just like their mother. The MIL is still upset that SIL1 got laughed at at her Russell Group Uni and that it upset SIL1 and affected her confidence. Thank goodness the DH learnt fast.

Mine also had/has sandwiches, but they don't go into separate cubicles to eat them; they eat with their friends/others so are still being influenced by other children ~ obviously.

Mine werent separated from others when they ate their sandwiches Five .Although there was a sandwich table/hot meals table.

Was thinking in terms of cutlery use or misuse!

...Mine also had/has sandwiches, but they don't go into separate cubicles to eat them; they eat with their friends/others so are still being influenced by other children ...<

I wish that mine were allowed to eat with theri friends - the school separates out the packed lunch children - they are bunged into a classroom and/or sent outside to eat which I hate. Canno tafford lunches for 3 of them but I do wish that they were allowed to sit with the rest of their class.

thefentiger yeah I think you are right in that a 2 & 4yo are only going to behave in a certain way. Listening to what some people say about there DC though I think actually they might be pretty good!

My DH is on board yes as he feels quite strongly about it (probably more then me) and gets anxious when they don't eat. The problem is that I have underweight children so I think not eating turns into something that they can get attention for. We have had to think very hard about tactics and the handling of the situation and the most important thing seems to be making meal times relaxed and happy occassions so that they only have good associations with it. At the same time though I can't let them play up so it's a difficult balancing act.

"I think you've missed a few of the posts thefentiger, that have already said that excellent table manners have disappeared with the introduction of shared school meals. My own Ds was fine from 2 to 8 years old and then.."

I think it is sad if that is the case because I would say if anything it worked the other way when I was at school. At my primary we had to set the tables ourselves - tablecloths, cutlery laid out properly, glasses and water jug. We didn't sit in grim silence but table manners were definitely enforced and evryone n the table had to finishe before anyone was allowed to get up and leave. This didn't seem so strange to me but I bet for a lot of the kids at our school this was the only exposure they got to sitting and eating nicley in this way. And no this wasn't some fancy private school, just the village primary where everyone went.

I know my DDs school was nothing like that but I can't say I noticed any deterioration in her manners with school dinners.

monkey Totally agree about making meal times relaxed and happy.
Also do they like cooking etc -mine adored it and I can just picture them in their little aprons .
The upside is that although they make a hell of a mess once they get a bit older they will willingly make you cups of tea and can knock up yorkshires etc

But table cloths and water jugs are not the norm in most schools afaik. Many 5yo's don't know how to use cutlery, but in most cases that is easily taught, but it's the chewing with mouths open that bugs me personally with older children, especially when they've been brilliant at it for 5 years before falling into the copying 'Harry' and 'Joe' scenario.