to not want to eat at the table with my children

[soggy14]

because their table manners are appalling?

Blimey are these posts for real????{confused]

Table manners start right back when the children are very small and it involves sitting at the table, patience and persverance and not putting up with nonsence.

By being consistant you get to the point where you can eat and chat and have a good time.
Mine have been going to restaurants since they were born and I have no emabarrasment or shame about taking them to eat anywhere.

If mine did a 'rice fountain' from the age of 3 onwards they would have been dealt with there and then.

I can't be doing with disgusting eating.

don't eat with your children, tis a living hell. Childers eat at teatime, adults eat at dinner time after the childers are in bed. Spare yourselves the agony.

I do empathise, I dont always want to eatwith mine, but i tend to get on with it to teach them social skills

Mine are two and four, their manners arent bad but bickering/whinging/sighing and pushing food round the plate drives me to distraction instead

I love to eat alone, with peace and quiet

TBF she only ever does the rice thing if I'm on MN while eating not supervising as closely as I should. Actually, she hasn't done it for a while. And she is only just 3, and DD1 is 4, so maybe I should just be grateful that mealtimes are almost civilised, with the odd blip

Is this for real?

Seriously?

Do sympathise but try to keep in mind how proud you will be of them eventually when they move through the horrible 'I'm eatiing like a macho cowboy' (or summit) phase.
I tried getting my DS3 (14) to pretend he was having a meal with a potential boss, girlfriend, the Queen. Usually took pleasure in being worst he could - so reverted to very stern words as usual!

I don't eat with my children. I supervise, but betwen ds1's dyspraxia, Aspergers and ADHD, and ds2's four year oldness, my dinner congeals whilst I sit nd burble "Pick up your fork. Move your fingers out of your food, and pick up your fork - well wipe it then - Oh ds2, do be careful! - no, the cat doesn't want it - well just push iyt to the side of your plate - that isn't the right amount to fit in your mouth, is it? That's a whole fried egg - No, pick up your fork. By the handle. Now hole the handle and use the fork to stab your food and put it into your mouth - can you NOT do that with ketchup, please? It's wasteful and it doesn't look nice."

Buffet food =- awesome. Fingers all the way, I just have to murmur at ds2 not to try to put entire sausage rolls into his tiny four year old mouth. Anything else - I don't have time to eat, and about 18 months ago, I stopped bothering. I skip breakfast, have lunch whilst they're at school and eat tea when they're in bed. They had me betwwen 2007 and 2009 modelling excellent table manners and it was not effective, and as a single parent, I deserve not to give myself a peptic ulcer.

coldtits, this is my life.

I have to take the knife away as ds uses it in conjunction with the fork to make some kind of flying jet.

however, i did work out that it should be hid dinner left to congeal while I eat mine and then sort him out with his

his, sorry bfing and typing

scouser, I'm sorry but I think they are. It's your truly evocative turn of phrase

I'm going to have to come up with some rhymes which are vaguely amusing as I seriously can't do another meal constantly telling my children how to hold their cutlery. It's only been six months since they could do it all, nicely!

If it were that simple (ie just teach them) then they'd have perfect handwriting etc. dd (10) has only just managed to get to the stage where she can almost write legibly - couldn't ride a bike until she was 8 (ds 8 still can't). Using a knife and fork, getting the right amount of food into your mouth etc is actually quite hard. Ditto for knowing what is and isn't appropriate behavior - it isn't just a case of copying adults as what is acceptable for an adult is not necessarily acceptable for a child and when you have children who appear unable to absorb the social mores by osmosis but need to be explicity taught everything then life is not so easy :)

I have always believed that it is learned behaviour and my Ds had beautiful manners all round until the recent 2 to 3 years and they are now disgusting! I don't eat the way he now does, so I think the learned behaviour he has now adopted must have come from school.

I also end up rowing with him at each meal time, but it seems to make him more determined to behave like an animal

Isn't it just a question of continual reinforcement?

Upahill - agreed!!!!!

MollieO - yes!

How many years of continual reinforcement do you think it might take? because 2 to 3 years worth have done nothing in this family.

^^^ All depends on the individuals in question & how strong the teaching/reinforcement is I would say.

The only way my kids will ever decide to eat properly is when they get interested in the opposite sex and realise that their washing machine gobs are counterproductive! I have went on at them for years and posh boarding schools have not helped either!

From whatever age a child can take instruction. Ds is 6 and gets reminded. Imo there is never an excuse for poor table manners (assuming not disabled or other difficulties). I hate the culture where it seems to be acceptable for children to misbehave whilst eating and they are never corrected.

Ds has had to participate in family meal times since he started on solids.

I can honestly say that I hate sitting with DS at the table. However, it is an important thing, one that will benefit both of us if I perservere and so I continue with it.

Of course it is continual reinforcement but I have been continually reinforcing for the last 10 years! It does get a bit wearing after the first 7 or 8. DS1 has always sat at the table to eat - I can count the number of times he has eaten away from the table on the fingers of one hand (apart from picnics) and yet he still struggles to eat properly. He is a hell of a lot better than he used to be but has a long way to go.

We still have a packet of wet wipes on the table to clean up. I shouldn't need to keep buying those things now mine are 10 and 7 but we still need them.

I can totally empathise with the OP. Those of you who reckon it is just a case of reinforcing either have very young children and haven't been worn down yet, or have children who don't have coordination problems.

Ds does have coordination problems (hypermobile). It isn't easy to enforce good manners but when I say continual reinforcement that is what I mean. I have never let a slip by him go unmentioned. Sounds harsh but the reward is having a child I can take to the smartest restaurants and not worry about how he will eat or behave. It is easy to say that it doesn't matter this time but for me it always matters.

Well put NND.

I also think it is easier with an only child as you don't always have other siblings encouraging the bad behaviour. Also good table manners are expected at school. If they misbehave they are made to stand up in the dining hall in front of the whole school.