to think that women are awful to each other

[scoobytoo]

I can't believe the general competitiveness between mums in regard to child birth and parenting. I have never been asked by a bloke whether I had pain relief, natural or c section, whether I breast feed and how long for etc etc. I find (not all) but women give other women a much harder time than needed. So what if I didn't breast feed till my kids were 2 or that I give my children non organic porridge and plonk them in front of the TV when I've had enough. Stop judging and start supporting.

It's only women who don't have much of a life of their own who get hung up about epidurals and breastfeeding. You can be sure that their friends and husbands are sick to death of it. NO ONE IS INTERESTED

But at the same time, why do you need support from people you don't know very well (obviously family and close friends are different). Sod them, if that's all they can talk about they're too dull to know

yes, it's partriarchy's 'divide and conquer' at its evil best

YABU.

Either mix with a better class of people or separate gender from general twattishness.

I think with regards to asking about childbirth/parenting, it's something you do as a parent. You seek out approval and validation and shared ground. You take offence at another person's experience sometimes because it reminds you of a sadness about your own. But I'd venture that the vast majority of people are just trying to chat.

People who make you feel bad for your choices are not just a product of their gender, they're idiots. Thankfully, they're the minority I find.

Some women can be competitive bitches.

I try to chose my friends better and keep my bitchiness under wraps.

I had all home births and breastfed for ages and have always been supportive of and interested in my friends and their journeys whatever choices they made.

However, I NEVER talk about my lovely home births or my breastfeeding experiences because I know from experience that people don't want to hear about the positive experiences of other women because they assume those women are being smug and in some way judging them.

Okay, example...in my family the only people who talk, moan comment about whether someone has put on or lost weight are the women. Surely that judging is mainly a female trait normally about other women? Or are my family weird?

Another example, reading posts on here where a mother has had a rude comment or look for her parenting skills from strangers, the stranger is normally from female and older? Or am I just making this up?

I don't think you are being smug spidermama! Good on you for bf and being able to have homebirths

Why let other peoples opinions upset u OP? If you are happy with your choices that's all that matters. I have my own strong personal views on things like bf but not all mums share them and that is their right! Sometimes, just because people air different views it doesn't mean they do it to be smug etc and if you are happy with your choices don't be bothered!

There is no 'sisterhood'

having babies brings brings out a competitive streak in sooooo many women. i hear ya.

your baby is the ultimate reflection of self, innit.

I need to make something clear, I am not upset myself but I have observed many posts to other women from women who are so judgemental to each other. I definitely don't have friends like this which is why I am surprised when I read so many posts of this nature.

Spider you have just talked about your lovely homebirth
Irony!!

What a load of crapola (hope you don't think I"m being awful - nice hair btw) - SOME women are awful to SOME women.

Women talk about childbirth and baby rearing more than men??? Well that's a puzzler. Must go and ask a man about why that is.

There are some interesting points made at the end of this thread.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1110072-So-is-Christmas-womens-work-then

I tend to think that the most critical, negative judgements of women are made by other women.

Showofhands "You take offence at another person's experience sometimes because it reminds you of a sadness aboutyour own"

I'm not talking aout people sharing their experience I talking about women putting other womens choices down...choices that they may be very happy with.

A friend of mine was roundly ignored (then talked about later) when she fed her twins some cold spaghetti in tomato sauce from a tin at a picnic.

It is a shock when you first become a parent. I wrote a letter to a parenting magazine about the whole thing - got Star Letter and a load of prizes. That strange competitiveness is obviously a big part of parenting -as are huge differences in our child-rearing techniques. So many women think that their way is the right way.

Underneath the surface may be insecurities....so try and rise above it. I can look back now (my daughter is a teenager) and laugh or reflect on it. But yes, some of it hurt at the time....

I agree.

I saw an old friend's stepmother today, an absolutely lovely woman. She asked how my birth with DD2 went and when I replied it was lovely - an elective c-section she DID NOT then demand to know why I had an ELCS.

This is in stark contrast to pretty much every other woman I who has asked about it and found out it was an ELCS.

Friend's stepmother never had children - I wonder if that's why she didn't ask me to justify it!

Tondelayo

But men also bring up children don't they but they don't judge each other as much as women...it's not just about childbirth although from my OP I can see why you wrote what you did and valid point.

It doesn't need to be like that. My frienda are all really supportive of my choices / journey as a mum, and vice versa. Steer clear of people who don't make you feel good.

Earthakitten true true

There are so many posts on here like shock horror "my 'friend' fed her 14 month old chocolate"...bad mum bad mum replies all round.

I have to say, there is no 'right' way of doing things anyway.

Spidermama thinks she'll look smug for talking about having home births but LOADS of people will be judging her for giving birth at home.

Best just to ignore everyone

Only in this country could we make a something that's an involuntary biological function out to be about competitive mothering.

HELLO! I breathe. I shit. I lactate. Probably you do too. Nuff said.

Why is competitiveness bad anyway? Only in women could it be called an 'awful' trait.

Men are bloody competitive - don't let that barroom bonhomie fool you.

But men compete over sport and jobs and things that are not so subjective. That's the point actually why do women compete over a choice, probably because there is an accepted way to give birth feed child etc within the womens world. Deviation from the norm causes scorn (and bitchy comments)