How ill is sufficiently ill to pull out of a dinner invitation?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabEggnogLatte]

Essentially, I suppose it's akin to asking how long a piece of string needs to be to tie itself in knots. Nevertheless, I'm sitting here agonsing. I want to show seasonal goodwill and appreciation to the hosts, but I just feel so crappy.

So, in MN's opinion, how ill does one need to be to justify giving one's apologies and staying in bed?

If you're in bed that's ill enough for me. I woudn't want sick guests sneezing all over my dinner....

If you feel too ill to go, then you are too ill to go. It really is as simple as that.

Hope you feel better soon

If you are not well then don't go.

You will feel crappy, your hosts will feel guilty you aren't having a good time, and you may end up infecting them with whatever you have.

Tell them how genuinely sorry you are and go to bed with a warm wheat bag. Hope you feel better soon.

Yes but how ill do I need to feel?

I should have explained that it's not contagious. I wouldn't pass anything on to anyone...

If your illness is a cold/cough then definitely don't go - not fair to pass it on. If it's enough that you feel you're too ill to go out, I'd say you're too ill to go out.

I don't think any reasonable person would want a guest to come along because they felt they had to.

If you feel too ill to go and enjoy it ,then don't go

If you are going to sit there all evening longing to be at home tucked up in bed, then don't go.

If they are true friends they'll understand.

sliding scale involving...

how many people invited- ie what impact would me not turning up have? -20 would stay in bed. 4 would have to be terribly ill

how well do i know the host- what are the repurcussions there? would they forgive you in a heartbeat or be mentioning it 20 years later?

could i scrub up well enough not to look like death?

could i get through a couple of hours and then go off home to bed knowing i had done the right thing?

Depends how much of it is genuinely feeling unwell and how much is can'tbearsedititis as feeling a bit crappy but will probably perk up after a glass or four of wine.

I have been in this situation several times and dragged myself and majority of the time forgotten about minor ailment and had loads of fun!

If you would not enjoy the event then do not go.

I am sure your hosts would not want you to endure the occasion just to avoid offending them.

I have felt ill over the whole Xmas period (only narrowly avoided vomiting over the turkey) and have just stayed at home.

No one has been offended. Just explain you are feeling under the weather.

For me its the getting dressed scale. If you're too ill to face getting dressed, or the effort of it brings on a relapse, then you're probably too ill to go :)

Also depends on how much notice you're giving - you're not meant to be there in half an hour are you? Because that would be really rude but cancelling tomorrow is fine if too poorly.

Thanks for your views.

Normally a glass of wine would help, but I'm pregnant and not drinking.

I guess I just feel awful about the situation because it's not a cold but an ongoing chronic medical problem which realistically won't properly resolve without some drastic and major surgery (should have said that at the beginning) and there are family members I rarely see involved...

Erm, yes. But I was only invited an hour ago...

If you aren't well, don't go.

Only you know just how I'll you are.

To be honest I would rather you didn't come if you are a) contagious or b) not going to have fun.

If you were only invited an hour ago then it's a casual ad-hoc sort of thing - completely fair enough to say no. It's not like you were told last month and the hosts have been slavishly cooking since then.

Unless going would actually cheer you up and make you feel a bit better? I know sometimes I drag myself out grumbling and moaning and then end up having a laugh and wondering why I even contemplated not going.

Oh if you were only invited an hour ago I wouldn't worry.

And I hope you feel better soon

Is it an impromtu dinner party or were you invited an hour ago as an afterthought?

Impromptu, I think. Not sure whether they want me as such but they're too polite to ask DH without me!