Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU...this isn't really a Christmas pressie is it?

58 replies

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/12/2010 04:19

Bit of background...My SIL is getting married in April and wants my DD to be part of the occassion, not really clear what her role is as she'll only be 9 months old but that's fine, a lovely gesture and I'm happy for her to be a special part of it.

So Christmas Day comes and goes and I suddenly realise that SIL hasn't sent either an xmas card or any form of gift for DD. It's slightly out of character, SIL earns a small fortune and bought beautiful clothes for DD when she was born and is clearly delighted at becoming an Aunty for the first time. I asked DH and he said he'd ask SIL just because he was concerned she'd sent something in the post and it hadn't arrived and we'd then look rude not thanking her.

So we skyped with SIL yesterday and she said no she hadn't sent a present for DD as she had bought DD a flowergirl type outfit for the wedding and that was her Christmas present. She was really excited about it and showed it us etc and yes it is lovely. DH and I were totally Confused

Now clearly this really isn't one of life's big issues but AIBU to think that if SIL has asked DD to be a part of her wedding, it's not really a Christmas present to buy a dress that DD will only wear once, in 4 months time, at SILs wedding?!

OP posts:
onmyfeet · 28/12/2010 04:35

She is not thinking rationally it seems. People can be odd at times. :)

FaffTastic · 28/12/2010 05:02

You're right. In my opinion - its not really a Christmas present but maybe she has been overtaken by crazy Bridezilla-ness.

Its cheeky of your SIL but not worth getting stressed/concerned about considering your DD is only 9 months and won't be any the wiser as to whether she got s present or not.

YunoYurbubson · 28/12/2010 05:28

Let me get this straight:

Your sil bought your dd beautiful clothes when she was born (only 6 months ago).

And she has asked your dd to play a part in her wedding in April, which she is really excited about. And has bought her a lovely flowergirl outfit, which presumably has accessories, all of which you will keep.

Yet you are miffed that your 6 month old didn't get a Christmas present as well?

YABU.

SkyBluePearl · 28/12/2010 06:36

I would feel ok about it really. we had to buy a bridesmaid dress for my DC to walk down the isle at my SIL's wedding and it cost us 120 plus shoes. she never wore them again and the dress was quite vile.

TheProvincialLady · 28/12/2010 06:39

No, it's not a christmas present and she shouldn't have tried to dress it up as one (excuse the pun!). A 99p rattle or something would have been much more appropriate.

magicmummy1 · 28/12/2010 06:54

your dd won't be worried about the lack of a proper present so why should you and your dh?

Some people just don't do christmas presents for tiny babies as they're too young to understand. Some people don't buy presents for their nephews and nieces either, especially if they have lots. Are you sure you were being reasonable to expect a present from sil? Perhaps she hadn't thought to get anything but felt put on the spot when dh asked - and then came out with the rather lame response that she had bought the flower girl dress?

MorticiaAddams · 28/12/2010 09:14

No, it's not a Christmas present but her mind is focussed on her wedding at the moment and she is thinking differently.

saffy85 · 28/12/2010 09:23

YANBU to think the present isn't really a present as such... YABVU to ask SIL why your DD didn't get a present from her! Shock can't believe people do this!

seeker · 28/12/2010 09:23

Can't believe you contacted you sil to ask where the Christmas present was!

[Mind boggling emoticon]

Lulumaam · 28/12/2010 09:26

what yuno said

your baby has no idea she has not got a xmas present,your SIL has demonstrated her love for DD and has no need to buy her anything else at the moment

asking her where the xmas gift was is absolutely dreadful, rude , ungrateful behaviour

ask yourself why you thought that was appopriate, when your child is so young she doesn't even know it's xmas

which is not supposed to be about how many gifts you get

Prinnie · 28/12/2010 09:27

It's not a Christmas present, but it's definitely not worth getting upset over.

I doubt she's done this to be tight/etc - she probably saw it as oohh that's lovely I want DNiece to wear that for the wedding, oh I know - I'll get it for Christmas. Etc.etc.

If your DD was old enough to understand then maybe it would be different - but she's still getting a lovely dress so I don't really see the problem.

scouserabroad · 28/12/2010 09:28

I might have mentioned presents if there was a possibility it might have been sent by post & got stuck in the snow somewhere.

YANBU to think the outfit isn't really a Christmas present, but YWBU to complain about it to SIL.

borderslass · 28/12/2010 09:29

I wouldn't have the nerve to ask where a christmas present was we buy for all child nieces and nephews on my side and one niece and nephew on DH's side his brother doesn't send presents back but that doesn't stop us treating our nephew.

usernamechanged345 · 28/12/2010 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockinRobinBird · 28/12/2010 09:33

How can it be ungrateful behaviour to ask about a present you didn't get? Confused

SparklyMartini · 28/12/2010 09:37

Agree with MrsPickles.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 28/12/2010 09:39

I understand that you were worried she migh have sent something you didn't receive but generally people ask whether you have received something they sent and asking is definitely on the rude side.

Think of it like this, rather than send your DD something that she's not going to get much out of at 9 months, she's bought her something for a day which will be remembered for ages and will result in you having some lovely photos of your DD.

seeker · 28/12/2010 09:44

There are no circumstances in which it would be acceptable to ask someone on Boxing Day where their present was. Unless they had actually told you they had posted one - in which case I suppose it would be OK to say that it hadn't arrived. But you would have to be bloody sure it had been sent before you asked.

zookeeper · 28/12/2010 09:46

How rude. Of course YABU

lady007pink · 28/12/2010 09:49

OP, you are being materialistic! You don't need to buy presents to demonstrate your love for somebody. I'm Shock that you asked your SIL why she hadn't sent a present. I'm amazed yopur DH didn't tell you to cop the f**k on.

OP, you need to get a grip of reality. We are in a recession now, people don't have money to throw around like they once had.

theevildead2 · 28/12/2010 09:49

EXACTLY what YunoYurbubson said. The fact that she earns a "small fortune" does not mean she needs to shell out for your every couple of months. how nice that she bought lovely presents when she was born and is in your words very excited to be an aunty!

I woudln't have dared ask about gifts either. If you were genuinely concerned you could have found out from a family member or waited until SIL asked you about the gift. WIth the snow everyone is still waiting for post to arrive!

ghostgirl · 28/12/2010 10:25

YABVU to expect presents!!

She gave you presents for the birth only a short time ago. You cant expect that this sets a precedent for presents every birthday, Christmas, special occasion to come.

Since you didnt see her in person over Christmas, I assume that means she lives far away from you. Her prioriotes would then be to get presents for the people she would see over Christmas. Also she is planning a wedding which is expensive! Did you expect a free flowergirl dress as well as Xmas presents?

I randomly buy presents for my nieces/nephews/friends who live away from me - some Christmases, some birthdays. I would hate to think that my friends and family thought badly of me for doing so. When I do buy presents it is because I have seen something that they will really like and suits them or because they have been through some hard times and need some cheering up.

Also did you buy your SIL a Christmas present?

Porcelain · 28/12/2010 10:32

On the one hand, it's not a Xmas present, its part of her wedding arrangements. Both my bridesmaids (adult and child) were bought their dresses and kept them. I thought that was fairly usual, if they did get to use them again it was a gift for their/their parents efforts. Besides she will grow so fast she will probably never wear it again, 9 month olds don't get a lot of posh social invites.

On the other hand she doesn't have to give a Xmas present at all. So you might be a bit unreasonable to expect a present.

LadyBiscuit · 28/12/2010 11:28

Who sends a baby a Xmas card? Confused

BubbaAndBump · 28/12/2010 11:43

pmsl Xmas Hmm Xmas Grin

A joke, surely?

Swipe left for the next trending thread