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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU...this isn't really a Christmas pressie is it?

58 replies

HollyBollyBooBoo · 28/12/2010 04:19

Bit of background...My SIL is getting married in April and wants my DD to be part of the occassion, not really clear what her role is as she'll only be 9 months old but that's fine, a lovely gesture and I'm happy for her to be a special part of it.

So Christmas Day comes and goes and I suddenly realise that SIL hasn't sent either an xmas card or any form of gift for DD. It's slightly out of character, SIL earns a small fortune and bought beautiful clothes for DD when she was born and is clearly delighted at becoming an Aunty for the first time. I asked DH and he said he'd ask SIL just because he was concerned she'd sent something in the post and it hadn't arrived and we'd then look rude not thanking her.

So we skyped with SIL yesterday and she said no she hadn't sent a present for DD as she had bought DD a flowergirl type outfit for the wedding and that was her Christmas present. She was really excited about it and showed it us etc and yes it is lovely. DH and I were totally Confused

Now clearly this really isn't one of life's big issues but AIBU to think that if SIL has asked DD to be a part of her wedding, it's not really a Christmas present to buy a dress that DD will only wear once, in 4 months time, at SILs wedding?!

OP posts:
FudgeGirl · 28/12/2010 11:46

YABU!

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 28/12/2010 11:46

YANBU. Not on to give a Christmas present of a dress that is to be worn for an event 4 months later.
She couldn't have managed that with a 4yo, for example - most 4yo little girls would be desperate to wear their new frock immediately, not save it for 4m time. Just because your DD is so young, doesn't change the principle.

MumNWLondon · 28/12/2010 11:47

YABVU.

For an older child I would say YANBU but she only a few months old and is unaware of christmas, so I think you were extremely rude to ask, and think it lovely she's bought her a lovely dress (because otherwise you'd be on here about being annoyed you had to buy a dress yourself.)

swanandduck · 28/12/2010 11:49

YABU. She has bought her niece a beautiful outfit for her wedding, to save you the expense. As she's only 9 months old it's not a flowergirl or bridesmaid outfit, just something special to wear. It sounds like a decent present to me, especially for a baby who hasn't a clue what day of the week it is.

TheMonster · 28/12/2010 11:57

I can't believe you asked her!

Ephiny · 28/12/2010 11:57

YANBU to think it's not really a Christmas present, but then I don't see the point of Christmas presents for a baby, what can they possibly need or want except Mummy and milk??

If someone wants to get something then fine, but YABU to demand a present for her or get upset by not receiving one.

Ephiny · 28/12/2010 11:59

And a card would be even more strange! I'd include the baby's name on a card sent to the parents, but wouldn't send a separate card for the baby. In fact you wouldn't even do this for an older child, would you? Isn't it normal to just send one card for the family?

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 28/12/2010 12:00

It is upto your sil who she buys Christmas presents for - she may not believe in buying a gift for a 3 month old baby for Christmas and was in fact going to buy her a lovely gift/toy (not a christmas gift) for when she gets to see her - obviously not close by if you skype?

Jut becuase you believe she is well of doesn't mean that 1) she is well of 2) she isn't saving for a wedding 3) she has to buy expensive presents for everybody

swanandduck · 28/12/2010 12:00

I too am Shock at skyping someone to 'just check' what had happended to the Christmas present. I would have just presumed that she didn't want to start a habit of buying dd Christmas presents.

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 28/12/2010 12:26

Agree Swanduck Shock

zukiecat · 28/12/2010 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/12/2010 12:29

YABVU, its really grasping to ask why no present was sent. Your baby is not a means to get lots of nice things, you obviously see your SIL as an open wallet.

Ephiny · 28/12/2010 12:32

I just thought actually - your SIL is your brother's wife presumably? Did your brother send a present for his little niece, or are you expecting his partner to be responsible for that? Or did he send one but you expect a separate one from her?

Sorry if your family situation is different or more complicated, just made me wonder as was reading another thread on the subjects of wives/girlfriends having to buy presents for the IL family.

HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 12:32

she's a bridezilla and you're a babyzilla Wink

DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor · 28/12/2010 12:33

I think it is entirely reasonable to ask if they'd sent a present, especially given the state of the postal system before Christmas. It can easily be worded so as not to appear grasping.

Very odd for the flower girl outfit to be a Christmas present but then again its very odd to want a non walking baby as a flower girl anyway.

CointreauVersial · 28/12/2010 12:34

Oh let it go. She's your SIL and clearly cares a lot about your family. She probably should have mentioned before Christmas what she was planning to do to avoid any confusion, but her heart is in the right place and it's a lovely gesture. Accept it in that spirit.

Ephiny · 28/12/2010 12:34

Oh wait, your SIL is getting married? So she's your brother's ex-wife and now marrying someone else but you're still friends? Or something like that? Never mind, I guess it is complicated :)

CointreauVersial · 28/12/2010 12:35

Ephiny, wouldn't the SIL in this case be the OP's DH's sister?

BubbaAndBump · 28/12/2010 12:38

lol at "babyzilla" Xmas Grin

KatieMiddleton · 28/12/2010 12:42

I think it depends. What did your DD get her?

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 28/12/2010 12:46

lol at Ephiny

Imarriedafrog · 28/12/2010 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ephiny · 28/12/2010 12:50

Cointreau, yes that would probably make more sense now I think about it :)

HelloOutThere · 28/12/2010 12:55

But if you really think that someone has given a gift and you have not seen it/overlooked it what's the protocol?? If OP SIL had given something she may be really hacked off not getting a thank you. So what should you do in that situ?

StealthPolarBear · 28/12/2010 12:58

Surely she must be the DH's sister - why is it more complicated?

OP I don't know if yabu. I sent a present to a baby of some relatives last year and never heard anything. I didn't like to ask as it seems as though I'm making an issue of it. I'd like to think they'd have asked me if they hadn't got it, but I can see why that would be awkward I suppose.