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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that dh is taking work phone calls today

53 replies

Fibonacci · 27/12/2010 15:31

He works for a US company and it's not a holiday there today. Phone and Skype have been going all afternoon and the rest of us have to tiptoe around while he talks to his American colleagues. And it's nothing that couldn't wait.

OP posts:

HappyHECmanay · 27/12/2010 15:35

Is he supposed to be off today? Part of his holiday entitlement? Or is it a normal working day for him?

If he is supposed to be off, then it is up to him to say so. And turn off his phone. "Today is my annual leave, goodbye." If, otoh, it is a normal working day, then it's a normal working day. and he's. erm. working

Original poster

Fibonacci · 27/12/2010 15:40

No, he has taken two weeks' holiday! But he still spends half the time working - really annoying.

OP posts:

samay · 27/12/2010 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

xstitchsnowscene · 27/12/2010 15:53

I'd be most annoyed that the rest of you can't get on with your day. Him working in his holidays shoudn't stop you enjoying yours.

Original poster

Fibonacci · 27/12/2010 15:54

DH is abroad most of the time, and when he is at home I think he should be spending time with the family not working. he told his boss he was having 2 weeks off over xmas as he hadn't seen his family - but every day he is doing work stuff, and I have never heard him say, could I call you back when I'm back at work as its a holiday here. I think it can wait. I work too, but not on my days off.

OP posts:

classydiva · 27/12/2010 16:03

It is what he gets paid for though, sometimes we have to do the extras to keep our jobs.

Jobs are not easy to get nowadays it could put his job in jeopardy if he cuts himself off from his work force.

Original poster

Fibonacci · 27/12/2010 16:06

Skype call has been going on for half hour now, in middle of kitchen where we were all hanging out together.

I just think he could put the calls off if he wanted too -- I think it is a male thing and he likes to be reminded that he's important.

OP posts:

Myleetlepony · 27/12/2010 16:45

If he takes himself away to an office or separate room to work, then maybe fair enough, although if he's on leave he should be on leave. However, "working" in the middle of the kitchen is, I think, just trying to show off about how important he is. I work from home all the time and never take my work into the lounge or kitchen when anyone else is at home, it's not fair because it's their space too.
He's being a knob, show him this thread.

nomoreheels · 27/12/2010 16:48

Workaholic?

FanjoForTheMincePies · 27/12/2010 16:49

yANBU , my DH is off today but has had to go into the office to fix something, am not pleased with his employer.

ShanahansRevenge · 27/12/2010 16:55

YABU...I have had to do similar.

mamatomany · 27/12/2010 16:59

Try sel employment, my DH went back to work today :(

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 27/12/2010 17:03

Yes, he definitely gets his kicks from the "status" of being so important that he has to take work calls whilst on leave.

Knob.

Either that or he is too scared to stand up to his employer.

Knob knob.

(I laugh behind my hand at the very many self-important types I meet like this in rl).

LatteLady · 27/12/2010 17:15

Fib - I used to work for a major US blue chip company and their year end is at the end of December so calls get pretty frantic at this time of the year as they try to lock down all sales. However, the chap that I worked for was responsible for 20% of its turnover worldwide and he refused to take calls during his hols unless it was regarding a takeover!

I think that sadly your husband will look back and realise that sometimes he could just turn the phone off as he is missing out on an awful lot of family life.

Niceguy2 · 27/12/2010 17:25

Would you rather he was unemployed?

YABU It's work. I'm sure other things being equal, he'd rather be spending time with you.

MerrilyDefective · 27/12/2010 17:26

YABU,my DP has been at work all day today,just texted him to see what time he wants feeding and he'll be in about 7ish.
He's a self employed electrician and when you don't work you don't get paid and in the current economic climate.........
Can't he take himself off to another room and do business out of the families earshot?

kingprawntikka · 27/12/2010 17:31

I think some of you have been quite unkind here. My husband also works for an American company, often is abroad, and is also working a lot of the holiday. He too had booked a week off but will now be working from home for most of it. He is also working in the dining room, as that is the room that has a table in it and we don't have a spare room. It is true that many American companies do not stop for the holidays like many here do. He has offered to go into the office to be out of the way but at least with the home working we can all eat lunch together and we can chat to each other as he works.
Its not necessarily about being self important or about being afraid to stand up to an employer. My husband doesn't get set hours or paid overtime but gets a reasonably good salary in return for doing a good job. That means doing whatever hours are needed to do that job well.

Some of the companies his company does business with are in parts of the world that don't celebrate Christmas at all and consequently because the timing on a current plan didn't work out quite as he'd hoped he needs to work now. This is not what I'd hoped for this holiday, but I doubt my husband was up at eight this morning to start work whilst we all slept in til ten because he wanted to show how important he was!

In the current climate jobs aren't that easy to come by and whilst I know he could of course refuse to work , mess up a big deal and spend all day with us ..I'm equally sure it wouldn't be an issue next year because he'd be out of his job

His salary is what has enabled me to be a stay at home mum for the last seventeen years and I don't think a bit of support when his holiday is ruined rather than me complaining is to much for him to hope for.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 27/12/2010 17:36

I am working today. It's called keeping your job and trying to progress for the sake of your family. I am not male or a workaholic simply terrified of unemployment.

You don't work on days off - great. Instead of moaning about him doing so be grateful you don't have to / can get away with it.

Not saying this is fair or right by the way, just reality.

Original poster

Fibonacci · 27/12/2010 17:43

Agree that he is lucky to have a job, is doing it for the good of the family etc I do think though that his colleagues overseas should have a little more respect for the fact that we have different working customs here - last year he got a call on Xmas day from a colleague in the Middle East. And I can hear the conversations - none of what he's doing is 'urgent'.

OP posts:

slipperandpjsmum · 27/12/2010 17:48

I do this kind of thing all the time. I am not male either but I am ambitious and I have found doing this helps with my career progression. Maybe your OH is the same and is driven and hoping in the long term you will all reap the benefits.

slipperandpjsmum · 27/12/2010 17:54

Just wanted to add my OH is very supportive and has never mentioned me working when I am supposed to be off. He normally takes the children out for a couple of hours and meets up with friends and their children if I need to work and I would do the same for him should it be required.

curlymama · 27/12/2010 17:56

If you spend/live on the money he is earning, then YABU.

bibbitybobbitysantahat · 27/12/2010 19:10

I completely disagree that op is not allowed to moan about her dh's excessive working habit because she "lives on" his earnings.

When couples agree that one of them is going to be a sah partner for the benefit of the whole family, then it is NOT on for the working partner to Lord it up over the sahp because they have the earning power. It is a partnership which usually suits the working partner VERY well, and supports his or her career by enabling them to focus on work. But when work is taking over every aspect of home life then the balance is wrong and needs looking at.

clam · 27/12/2010 19:17

I guess it depends on the nature of the job. My DH constantly checks his inboox for emails late at night and all through the weekend, but there's no danger of him losing his job if he didnt. He just wants to. Fine.

But it hacks me off when he chooses to work from home during our holidays and then strops about huffing and puffing because we're "making too much noise!" Go to the bloody office then! This is our home.

deaddei · 27/12/2010 19:18

Mine has his blackberry on at all times- he has a small company and his main support guy has a month off.
As most of their business comes from Far EAst, they don't have the same holidays.
As far as I am concerned, XMas ends today.

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