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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its a bit weird they are using the name already?

166 replies

LolaBellsAllTheWay · 27/12/2010 06:51

Sil is 23 weeks pregnant with a boy (as told at 20 week scan). The ils were at ours for dinner yesterday and she is refering to the baby by the chosen name, as is mil and other sil.

I just find this a bit weird. When i was pregnant with dds we knew both times and although we had names we didn't use them incase they didn't suit it, or the scan was wrong.

It might be grating on me a little as it was our choice if dds had been ds.

I also noticed that bil wasn't using it but i know he's not entirely happy with the choice so i find it weird that sil is using it before they've agreed on it.

Is it weird?

OP posts:
KangarooCaught · 29/12/2010 09:37

Not a nice comment from your SIL, OP Sad. Given her lack of sensitivity, had a thought that maybe in using the name she is bludgeoning her OH into accepting it?

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 29/12/2010 10:11

Different places have different policies on scans. A lot of the time it depends who does them (mw, ob/gyn or technician) and on access to ultrasound machines.

Baby does move relatively regularly but if there's an out of character movement - I think it tried a somersault earlier - I worry. I worry too much, I know!

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 29/12/2010 10:47

early days. movements will get more obvious and clear and you'll feel more confident. i'm really thankful that ds was so lively in the womb. saved me a lot of worry that he moved so much and kept to a routine almost with sleep and stuff. he used to wake me up in the morning in the end - i'd wake to him having a little stretch about.

enjoy as much as you can x

Georgimama · 29/12/2010 11:45

I'm back! Spot on for dates, strong fast heartbeat, clear yolk sac and cord visible. Have been urged to get swine flu vaccination (ha - chance would be a fine thing, our GP surgery say none for next 2 weeks) but that's a whole other thread.

catinboots · 29/12/2010 11:47

Haven't read the whole thread but yep weird, weird, weird. Fair enough between a woman and her DP/DH, but publicly?? I know someone who did this recently and put their scan photos on facebook and tagged the baby with it's name!!!

Fibilou · 29/12/2010 12:18

"I think there's something unnatural about looking into the womb,"

Heart transplants aren't natural. Blood transfusions aren't natural. X rays aren't natural. Nothing in modern medicine is natural but I presume you would agree that they have been of benefit.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 29/12/2010 12:34

great news georgimama Smile hope you feel reassured.

pommedeterre · 29/12/2010 12:41

We knew we were having a girl (and had monthly scans post 20 weeks so by 28 we were all convinced!) and knew the name we BOTH wanted immediately.
From then on we referred to her by her name. We did this between ourselves and with our families. By the end I did it with my work as well (DH didn't do this).
Had never even thought it was creepy. I'm not utterly sure I understand why it's creepy. She was her name at 28 weeks just as much as she is now imo. It was one of the best things about finding out I thought. I used her name when I talked to her and about her and when she finally got out I felt like I'd already known her for months.

Fibilou · 29/12/2010 12:47

"I was told I had to have a scan, so no choice there. Complete and utter control"

Where exactly did you have your antenatal care ? Because nobody is forced to have scans on the NHS. You sound a bit paranoid to me with that last sentence

AuntiePickleBottom · 29/12/2010 12:53

i think it pretty stupid not to have any scan during a pregnancy.

serendipity16 · 29/12/2010 14:00

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree

You've said what i had wanted to say perfectly.

We picked our daughters name when we found out she was a girl.
At 35wks i had a concealed abruption & she was stillborn.

If we hadn't named her at 20 weeks we would still have had to name her at 35 weeks when we registered her stillbirth. Naming a child & calling it by that name wouldn't make any difference if something was going to happen to that child.... you'd still have to choose a name & use that name. Naming a child before its born doesn't jinx the child or make it wrong.

Some people comments about the loss of a baby seem quite flippant.

frozenfestiveflo · 29/12/2010 15:07

Serendipity I am very sorry for your loss.

I too would like to thank you nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree

I agree about it being about making memories

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 29/12/2010 16:22

really sorry for everyone's losses. i was only just into my second trimester and it was hard enough.

i simply cannot begin to imagine what losing a baby so late in pregnancy serendipity. nothing that loss any easier - name, no name, scan, no scans.

i remember vividly how very real to me ds was late in pregnancy. when i finally had a sleep after labour i woke up feeling all weird and empty, i had woken up to him stretching every morning for weeks and panicking and then remembering he was there beside me.

can't imagine what him 'not' being there would have been like Sad

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 29/12/2010 16:24

sorry full of missed words and jumbled. hope it makes sense.

frozenfestiveflo · 29/12/2010 16:50

thank you Santa - 37 weeks here :( still impossible to believe

nooka · 29/12/2010 17:51

When I was pregnant with ds (a long time ago now as he is almost 12) one of the couples in our anti-natal group used their chosen name from when we first met, and I did find it personally grating. I suspect that it is very much a personal choice though, and wouldn't myself relate it to anything wider like bonding. I doubt that that couple were more bonded to their potential baby than any of the other couples who chose not to use a name during pregnancy, those that used a name in private, those that hadn't yet decided on a name, or indeed those that didn't know the sex of their baby so couldn't pick a name with any certainty. If any of us had had a miscarriage or still birth we would have been devastated, name or no name you create a whole future story for yourself and your prospective child. My mother had both miscarriages and a still birth, as did one of my cousins. It's a huge horrible thing to happen and one that I don't think we (as in society, maybe also friends and family) manage very well.

For myself I just felt uncomfortable with the idea of naming before greeting really, and I didn't feel that the scans were about anything other than checking everything was OK. I also felt that the conversations about our babies to be were a bit odd when I was talking about potential and possibilities, when they were talking about 'John' somehow it was a bit too concrete for me, and in a way I felt that I was part of a much more private conversation than I wanted to be a part of.

With dd dh and I did refer to her at the end of the pregnancy by the name we thought we were going to give her when we daydreamed about the future, but as we thought she was a boy it didn't work out quite the way we expected. Mostly we did that because we spent months trying to find a name we liked! We didn't tell anyone the names because I think that name choice is best done privately in order to avoid getting anyone's opinion on it - best to say here is baby x, isn't he/she lovely in my experience (although ds was a bit of an alien baby so we probably didn't say he was lovely Grin)

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