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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to teach my children to say, upon receipt of a present, "Thank you very much" -

43 replies

coldtits · 21/12/2010 16:02

... and nothing else. Not a further word must they utter on the subject of presents unless they are specifically asked a question.

OP posts:
cory · 21/12/2010 16:04

Yes, indeed. And if the specific question happens to be "do you like it?", it must only be answered within very narrow guidelines.

silverfrog · 21/12/2010 16:07

oh I am with you all the way.

tell me, though, what age can I start to train them to do this?

the thank you bit goes ok, but it goes a bit downhill after that...

(dd1 is 6, and ASD. asking if she likes somehting is not usually a good idea. dd2 is 3, and possibly ASD. asking her if she likes soemthing is an even worse idea)

PlanetEarth · 21/12/2010 16:08

Yeah... but even adults don't always manage it - DH has a habit of asking, "Why did you buy me this?" Confused

LaWeaselMys · 21/12/2010 16:10

DP is very smug that DD (nearly 2) says ta tu ma (thank you very much).

Haven't got the heart to tell him what she'll probably be saying in the next year...

LBsmumblingxmascarols · 21/12/2010 16:14

That not very 'unconditional parenting, is it?

waitwhat · 21/12/2010 16:18

Agree completely.
My ds1(8) knows he is to smile and thank whoever got him the gift and if he has it already or doesn't like it he is to be polite or i will crucify him when alone lol

I consider it basic manners but i started telling ds1 to do this after my then 15 year old niece had a full on hissy fit when she received a top she didn't like 5 years ago.She called her nan(my mother) a idiot for buying her something she didn't like and proceeded to sulk though the entire dinner.
Her parents rather than murder her(as i would of) looked stricken and promised the brat money to buy herself a extra present to make up for her"trauma".My SIL also had the gall to suggest my mother get her something better aswell but was promptly quieted by me and my sister.

Still makes me Xmas Angry

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 21/12/2010 16:20

what has prompted this coldtits? have they been ad-libbing?

Yulephemia · 21/12/2010 16:22

Given MIL's present-giving skills, I taught DD this as soon as she could talk! Xmas Grin

I explained to her that some people (mentioning no names COUGHGrandmaCOUGH) don't always buy presents that are just what you would want, but that it was very kind of them to think of you and so you should always just say a nice thank-you.

Xmas Grin
EvilTwinsAteRudolph · 21/12/2010 16:23

My DTDs seem to have got quite good at pleases and thank yous recently, but I'm expecting at least one episode of "thank you very much. We've already got this, haven't we mummy" over Christmas. Luckily we're only seeing GPs and my Dsis, who will (hopefully) find it funny (if it happens)....

OP - YANBU. Manners are important. Another mother gave mine a lift to gymnastics the other day (we had car problems) and sent me a text to say that they had both said thank you without prompting (they are 4). I couldn't have been prouder!

storminabuttercup · 21/12/2010 16:23

my grandma is seventy-odd and still hasnt managed this, presents tend to get looked at like we've wrapped up dog poo!

but she's a lovely woman the rest of the time, just doesnt 'appreciate' gifts Grin

cory · 21/12/2010 16:29

I know that ds is getting something that he will not be overjoyed with at the time, but will appreciate later. Ds will be schooled to within an inch of his life on how to phrase his thank-you's.

muminthecity · 21/12/2010 16:42

My friend came to visit over Christmas last year and bought my DD a DVD for Christmas. The DVD was one she already had, as soon as she opened it I was dreading what she'd say and was telepathically willing her to be grateful. In fact she was incredibly grateful and gushing about it: "Oh look mummy, look what x bought me, isn't it lovely? This is so brilliant!" She then ran over to the DVD rack, pulled out her original copy and shouted delightedly while waving the 2 DVDs around: "I have 2! And they're exactly the same!"

I was Blush but friend found it very funny and was very nice about it.

ChasingSquirrels · 21/12/2010 16:48

can't they rave about it then?

DS2 got signed off from speech therapy on Monday, apparently the speech therapist gave him a sticker and a little bottle of bubbles for working so hard. My mum said "what do you say DS2", he said "we don't really need these, we have loads of bubbles at home".
I think I still have a way to go with that boy!

Original poster
coldtits · 21/12/2010 17:01

Ds1 has ASD too. That's precisely why I am drilling this in hard! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
coldtits · 21/12/2010 17:05

Ds1 won't rave about anything, unless he really wants to, and then all the king's horse's couldn't stop him.

What he used to mainly say was "Oh. I don't really like action figures, I like Lego. can you buy me some Lego next time?"

or "That won't fit me, I've got long arms."

or "Sometimes I like colouring, but usually I don't."

OP posts:
RatherBeOnTheMulledWine · 21/12/2010 17:10

Poor DS was sorely tested last year when he opened
the Ripley's Believe It or Not for the third time!

FillMyXmasSprocking · 21/12/2010 17:17

Ooh YANBU!

My nephew is a bugger for this, last year he opened a DVD and then proceeded to winge for half an hour because he didn't like it.

Then my sister (his mother) did exactly the same thing..."what is the point of buying me a DVD when i could just download it"

I was very Shock

PlanetEarth · 22/12/2010 18:53

My mum is great (not) for this too - "Thanks for the books. I've read them all before." "I can't eat chocolates, I'm on a diet." "I'll never get through all that jam/cake/etc. on my own."

Mowiol · 22/12/2010 19:00

I'm still shocked at waitwhat's niece calling her Grandma an idiot! Shock

MumBarTheDoorSantaUsesChimneys · 22/12/2010 19:19

YANBU at all. My DS is 6.4 and I'm still doing this with him. Even 2 seconds before he opens a present I whisper in his ear 'just say thankyou, nothing else'.

He still can't stop himself Blush.

I now have an array of distraction conversations should he open a repeat gift. He is never rude though just extremely honest.

Its exhausting.

DreamTeamGirl · 22/12/2010 19:28

My DS once opened every gift with

Oh thanks- I have a bigger one at my dad's ... [hmmm]

at least he said thanks I suppose....

chivers1977 · 22/12/2010 19:34

Thanks for the reminder Colditz. I have just advised my son of the rules of present receiving. Fingers crossed that it works!

CrazyChristmasLady · 22/12/2010 19:42

Some of these have made me smile. You have got to love children and their honesty. Xmas Smile Some have made me want to smack the ungrateful recipient. I know I have to smile through yet another pair of slippers from my nan this year (despite me hinting a while ago that I actually have about 3 pairs and still have the pair she bought me over a year ago).

One advantage to me picking most of DS's presents from the family, I know exactly what he will want.

beachholiday · 22/12/2010 22:01

Some of these children's responses are great.

Any adult who asks a child "Do you like it?" is pushing their luck though frankly.

WillowFae · 22/12/2010 22:13

I agree beachholiday. I NEVER ask a child if they like a present!