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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to go to the inlaws' tomorrow?

57 replies

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 20:26

Can you help settle a argument disgreement DP and I have been having?

We live in Bristol and are supposed to be visiting DP's parents in a village in Kent tomorrow, and staying for a couple of days. We don't have a car, so the journey involves a coach to London and then a shortish train journey. We have a 4 month old baby.

I'm worried about the coach/train breaking down, being stuck with the baby, or getting snowed in at the inlaws. DP thinks I'm being ridiculous Hmm

Genuinely not sure if I'm BU or not! This is my first AIBU so be gentle Grin

OP posts:
LunaticFringe · 20/12/2010 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustKeepSparkling · 20/12/2010 20:28

Personally I wouldn't go, so no YANBU :)

South expecting more snow on Wed according to BBC, so tomorrow's journey might be ok but not great. But getting home could get interesting.

Anyway, all the RAC-types are still saying no non-essential journeys. Is it essential?

hairyfairylights · 20/12/2010 20:29

Yanbu. I would definately not go.

saffy85 · 20/12/2010 20:30

YANBU. My sister has cancelled her coach journey here for christmas (Cornwall to London) as delays, traffic and shitty weather means she could either be stranded anywhere between home and London or stuck on a coach with her 4y/o and 2y/o. I don't blame you.

curlymama · 20/12/2010 20:33

I would't do that journey, YANBU.

He's just feeling guilty about his parents being disappointed, but he needs to put you and his baby's safety first.

ttalloo · 20/12/2010 20:35

YANBU - my evening out in Central London on Wednesday has been cancelled because one friend who lives in Hertfordshire, and another who lives in Kent, can't be certain that they'll be able to make it into London, never mind get back. The chances of getting to Kent from Bristol without difficulty are, I would say, remote.

Stay at home and plan to go when the weather improves.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 20/12/2010 20:39

YANBU

Your DH, however, will be unreasonable if he tries to insist that you go.

Don't go it's not worth the risk, you can always arrange to go another time.

Original poster
MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 20:44

Argh, I'm going to have to put my foot down aren't I?

I don't think it's so much a case of DP being worried about disappointing his parents (although I'm sure they will be) but we're planning to go to my parents' on Christmas Eve and I think he feels if we're going to mine it's only fair we go to his.

Thing is, my parents live in the South West too and we're getting a lift with my brother, so there's less scope for problems.

OP posts:
ttalloo · 20/12/2010 20:47

Of course it's only fair that you visit his parents, but not when the country's snowbound, the roads are a mess of ice, traffic jams and accidents, and you stand a very strong possibility of being stranded on an unheated, broken down train for hours with a tiny baby. What's fair about that?

JustKeepSparkling · 20/12/2010 20:49

I think you both need to start planning for staying at home tbh.

Have either of watched the news recently? Do you really want to risk being stuck on the M5 (for eg) with the baby?

ttalloo · 20/12/2010 20:52

And why don't your ILs have the common sense to tell you to stay at home?

PrincessScrumpy · 20/12/2010 20:56

I would call my mil and talk to her - I'm sure she'd understand and then you can make it clear why you've made the decision and it's nothing personal. If DP does it he'll blame you and you'll be the evil daughter-in-law.

We're in Yeovil and are supposed to go to Kent on Thursday. Tried to hire a 4x4 but no luck so will have to wait and see and make a decision on the day.

Original poster
MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 20:58

FIL called today to say snow ploughs had been through the village so it's fine Hmm

DP is adamant that the M4 is clear and there's no risk.

OP posts:
AliBellandthe40jingles · 20/12/2010 21:00

I would be reluctant to go, on the basis that you might not get back before Christmas.

Can you re-organise and go to see them after Christmas/over NY weekend instead?

ttalloo · 20/12/2010 21:04

All the advice is not to travel unless it's absolutely necessary. If it were just you and DH, then fine, but to drag a baby across the country, into God knows what kind of weather and traffic chaos, is simply foolish.

You are right not to want to go - and you need to put your foot down. You're not saying you'll never visit your ILs again, just that you want to wait until getting there won't be quite such a lottery.

Original poster
MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 21:12

He won't budge - I've suggested going after Christmas/as soon as the weather improves but as far as he's concerned the roads are clear enough and the weather is mild enough.

OP posts:
arentfanny · 20/12/2010 21:15

I think he is mad.

JustKeepSparkling · 20/12/2010 21:17

'mild enough'??? Xmas Hmm

I say tell him to go on his own then, he's being ridiculous.

Plumm · 20/12/2010 21:27

YANBU.

We were supposed to drive from London to Kent last weekend and also from London to dorset and back again this week. We've got a 4 year old and I am ph so we've cancelled all trips as we don't want to risk getting stuck.

We know a couple who did try the London to Kent trip and got no further than London Bridge.

I think you'd be crazy to try visiting either set of parents and should plan for christmas at home.

orangepoo · 20/12/2010 21:31

I should think you would be OK getting out of Bristol (carefully) but Kent is a different matter - much more snow. I wouldn't do it.

narkypuffin · 20/12/2010 21:32

You might get to the ILs but I doubt you'd make it back in time for Christmas.

CarGirl · 20/12/2010 21:34

Errr it's snowing at the moment J11 of M25....it's madness!

pollyblue · 20/12/2010 21:38

I'm not far from you (Glos) and the roads round her are pretty bad - I've got friends in Kent/Sussex who are well and truly snowed in. Overnight temperatures are forecast to be very low with more snow to come. No way would I take a 4 month old from bristol to kent this week (and I've spent winters in darkest Scotland so I'm not scared of a bit of snow). But it only takes one lorry to jack-knife on black ice and you could be stuck for hours, and with a little un that's no fun. I really would refuse to go, but would let DH skate off on his own if he insisted Smile

razors · 20/12/2010 21:40

No way should you risk it especially with a little baby. More snow is forecast this week and my auntie in Kent can't even get to the shops there is so much snow. The main roads are fine but the side roads are not. Don't risk it

FakePlasticTrees · 20/12/2010 21:41

I'm in Kent and it's snowing. Has been all evening.