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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to go to the inlaws' tomorrow?

57 replies

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 20:26

Can you help settle a argument disgreement DP and I have been having?

We live in Bristol and are supposed to be visiting DP's parents in a village in Kent tomorrow, and staying for a couple of days. We don't have a car, so the journey involves a coach to London and then a shortish train journey. We have a 4 month old baby.

I'm worried about the coach/train breaking down, being stuck with the baby, or getting snowed in at the inlaws. DP thinks I'm being ridiculous Hmm

Genuinely not sure if I'm BU or not! This is my first AIBU so be gentle Grin

OP posts:
herbietea · 20/12/2010 21:42

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AliBellandthe40jingles · 20/12/2010 21:44

MoonUnit - if your DP would be swayed by examples of others being cautious?

I had planned to go and get my grandma from Hertfordshire on Thursday and take her down to my parents for Christmas - we are staying there too and DH is going to join us on Friday once he's finished work.
We have re-arranged plans so that DH is going to get her on his own on Wednesday afternoon so that I am not risking getting stuck. I'm 6 months pregnant and would have had DS 2.5 with me.
We have an almost new car, v.warm and comfy, good in the snow and with a set of snow chains in the boot - and I still wouldn't attempt the trip.

I really think that your DH is being irresponsible - you are planning on such a long journey and your baby is very little. If you get stuck somewhere they will get cold incredibly quickly. I know you BF (from other threads :)) so you won't run out of food for them, but still.
IMVHO he is still thinking like a single man, and not like a father. And his parents are being very irresponsible too.

MerrilyDefective · 20/12/2010 21:46

We're supposed to be going to my Mums on Thursday.
Dorset to Rutland.
Mum keeps ringing to say NOT to go if it's not looking any better.
Fwiw i broke down in freezing fog on the A34 near Oxford a couple of years ago with DS2,it was the most awful experience of my life.
Took us 12 hours to do a 3 1/2 hour journey and my Mum was shitting herself the whole time worrying about us.

bluebump · 20/12/2010 21:46

YANBU, we just drove from Devon to London this weekend for a family party - the roads were ok on Saturday but it took us 9 HOURS to get to London and we only got where we needed to go quicker because family came out to find us to take us a short cut to theirs.

But - to be honest though the West Country is so much worse than anywhere else, i'd be careful about coming down here to see your parents unless you need to. From Bristol to our junction (27) on the M5 and on the North Devon Link road was awful and the worst part today. All of the M25/M4 was all moving and pretty much all lanes were open compared to down here.

AliBellandthe40jingles · 20/12/2010 21:47

Forgot to say - my journey is an hour almost entirely on motorways except for a mile at either end, so nothing on the scale that you are planning.

herbietea · 20/12/2010 21:48

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pickgo · 20/12/2010 21:57

Talk to your MIL yourself. Tell her how disappointed you are and that you'll come as soon as you can safely but don't want to risk her precious DGC!
I'm sure she'll be ashamed for not telling you not to come herself!

FortunateHamster · 20/12/2010 22:02

YANBU There is more snow due tonight and more again towards the end of the week. Even if the main roads are clear, the smaller ones can be dangerous.

I wouldn't go with my five-month-old and cancelled a trip to Sunderland the other week for the same reason (search my name, I started a couple of threads on it - you could always show your partner my threads if not this one).

Even if you can get there, you don't know if you'll be able to get back. Suggest you go to his parents for New Year instead.

How do you feed the baby? If bottle-fed it'll be very hard to feed it if you're stuck in freezing cold traffic (and if bf it would be hard if you were stuck in the front). And babies are only supposed to be in car seats for a couple of hours at a time.

Your in-laws should really want you to wait. My SIL didn't really get it either, but at least my parents were telling me they'd rather I was safe than in danger trying to get to them.

Original poster
MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 22:04

We've agreed to review the situation in the morning (coach at 10.30) - he's still adamant that he's checked the weather and the M4 is fine, a lorry could jack-knife anytime Hmm

Ali - my mum said the same, at least I'm breastfeeding!

DP thinks I've let my mum and you lot worry me unnecessarily. Unless things change dramatically overnight though I don't think I feel comfortable risking it - I'm praying the coach is cancelled though so I don't have to be the bad guy.

OP posts:
iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 20/12/2010 22:05

Yanbu

i am currently in kent, its snowing like mad and expect to be housebound at least tomorrow, more snow forecast later in week

Stay home and safe x

CrispyTheCrisp · 20/12/2010 22:06

The m4 was closed today and Kent is due a massive snowfall. I really really hope DH changes his mind Sad. If it were me i would be telling him to go alone. And mean it

Weegle · 20/12/2010 22:11

whereabouts in Kent? even if you get this far I'd be surprised if by tomorrow you can get in/out many of the villages... snowing heavily again and we're pretty sure we're back to snowed in status and we live in a (small) town. I think it'd be foolish to attempt it - has he not seen the news with people being stranded on motorways overnight? with a tiny baby? I think it's irresponsible to be frank. Nothing about an in law thing, reschedule for after christmas.

zipzap · 20/12/2010 22:11

Before you speak to your dh or pil about it again, look at every website forecast and traffic advice (bbc/aa/rac etc) for the areas you will be going through for the days you need to go and come back - and see what they say. Also talk to the coach and train companies regarding what they think is likely to happen for those days - do you already have tickets, are they only going to let those with tickets on, will you be able to get refunds on tickets, are they going to run to their timetable or a special one, what will happen if you miss the connection etc

If they show that there is going to be real trouble then print them out so you can show your dh.

If they are not quite specific enough about the horror that it is likely to be then don't bother to print them out Grin, just tell your dh that you have been reading about the horrendous conditions forecast and there is no way that you are risking your or your dc's life and limb for an unnecessary journey.

Also point out that there is a good chance that you won't be going to your parents on christmas due to the weather and start making some plans for food etc just in case you need to stay at home. OK so you know there is a much better chance that you will be going to them Wink than to his parents but maybe if he thinks that both trips are going to be scuppered then he might be a bit more accomodating about dropping seeing his parents.

And depending on where the snow does fall you might really decide that you don't want to venture down to your parents regardless of getting a lift given the road conditions on xmas eve Sad so it won't hurt to have a 'plan b' to fall back on - sod's law says if you have it you won't need it, if you don't then you will need it...

good luck - definitely think you don't want to be out and about with a 4 month old in this sort of weather so stand your ground!

Original poster
MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 22:15

Weegle - small village between Orpington and Sevenoaks. Not massively accessible at the best of times (small windy lanes in and out).

Definitely need a back up plan - no food at all in the house as I've been using everything up it preparation for being away, so Christmas dinner might be interesting if we stay at home.

OP posts:
Weegle · 20/12/2010 22:20

yep very near here. I really think it's a no no, even if you got that far. Seriously seriously bad idea to press on.

arentfanny · 20/12/2010 22:32

Sorry he is a fucking irresponsible idiot to put you and his child in such a stupid situation.

HippyChristmaspotamus · 20/12/2010 22:36

def don't go. you'd be driving past me and the roads are horrible here still. i'm going nowhere soon!

MsKLo · 20/12/2010 22:37

you have a young baby, of course YANBU

your man on the other hand is being VU and needs to think about the baby

tell him that, tell him to think of his baby

he is being very selfish - don't risk it

MsKLo · 20/12/2010 22:38

totally agree with arentfanny - well said!

IloveJudgeJudy · 20/12/2010 22:52

Another one who lives in Kent. The Kent trains are notorious for not running if there's a little bit of snow as we have the live rail and it seems to not function or short out in snow.

I'm very much one for visiting if you've said you're going to, but you have a very young baby and the snow's still coming down here in Kent. I really wouldn't risk it. It's not a necessary journey and I'm sure your ILs are reasonable people and will understand. Even if you get here, what about getting home again. Kent's meant to have more snow on Wednesday.

Lonnie · 20/12/2010 22:55

you know what I was all for saying you were not unresonable until I read your 2nd post.

I am sorry but you are BU if it is ok to go in your brothers car but not on a coach.

Either it is safe to go or it is not safe to go

the method of a coach or a car makes no difference. Infact I would say it would be safer by coach.. so I feel YABU

SE13Mummy · 20/12/2010 22:55

Have you seen this?

Your baby is still very young and travelling by coach will make it harder to pack all the additional blankets etc. you might take were you travelling by car. I think you are being sensible to say that the journey needs to be postponed. If DP doesn't want to disappoint his parents then why not invite them to drive over to Bristol... if the M4 is clear and the snowplough has been through their village it will all be fine Wink.

onceamai · 20/12/2010 23:00

YANBU. Would your PIL actually want you to risk this journey.

mrswoodentop · 20/12/2010 23:02

One hour in her brothers car is very diofferent to travelling practically the width of the country.Also planned for the end of the week so longer to give the weather tme to develop and a considered decision to be made.

The difference with being in a car is that if it gets too much you can turn around or stop for a hot drink etc.With public transport eg a coach you are at the mercy of others ,you have no way of getting away of the travelling gets too much etc

Original poster
MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 23:54

Lonnie - I won't know if it's safe to go in my brother's car til Friday, but it's a much shorter journey (less than an hour) involving fewer modes of transport and to a more accessible place.

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