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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be gutted and feel like a big fat twat

98 replies

woahthere · 18/12/2010 23:59

that I might be pregnant with my 4th child.
First 2 children with 1 partner, both accidents (beautiful happy healthy ones). 3rd with present partner (planned) who I love deeply (both), we had agreed no more children. I secretly liked the idea of having another baby with my partner but I really love him so much I would NEVER get pregnant 'accidentally'.
My period is 3 days late, I had spotting 4 days ago and then NOTHING and I am beyond shitting myself that I am pregnant. We have no space for another baby, he does not want another baby, I will have to delay getting my life back on track...again. Words cannot describe how shit scared I am right now and what an idiot I feel because....
(when drunk i apparently said) dont worry i cant get pregnant now (i was on my period)
sob
sob
sob

OP posts:

santascoming2town · 19/12/2010 21:05

Woahthere I really think it is far more likely that you are late than pregnant. Will still keep my fingers crossed for you that you get your period soon

Original poster

woahthere · 20/12/2010 18:21

I have done another test today and its still negative but I still havent got my period despite having had really bad cramps last night. Had an absolute hysterical sobbing fit at my boyfriend last night. I love him so much but hes one of those that when hes stressed or pissed off he just says NOTHING which makes me want to kill him! One thing he did say was that it wasnt fair to me if he said to have an abortion and that that was my choice, but he really didnt want to have anymore. My heads all over the place!

OP posts:

PhishFoodAddiction · 20/12/2010 18:39

OP, you have my sympathy. Was in a similar position (no pun intended) a couple of months ago- we'd messed around a bit and got carried away and had unprotected sex. I even took the morning after pill as DH hated the thought of another baby (didn't hate the thought enough to control himself the night before though [cross]).

I wasn't pregnant, but my period was nearly 2 weeks late- and in that time I'd driven myself mad and convinced myself that there had been a miracle and I was indeed pregnant. Even the many many negative tests didn't convince me. Only when my period came did I believe it- and then I felt incredibly sad as I'd almost convinced myself there was going to be a baby.

OP I hope your period comes soon, at least then you'll know for sure. Or maybe the doctors could do you a blood test?

wendihouse22 · 20/12/2010 20:25

Well, you have three kids you love and a partner you love and who loves you.....

What a lucky woman.

I only had one child who is disabled and sadly could have no more.

Don't worry. Be happy.

wendihouse22 · 20/12/2010 20:26

P.S My son is ten and the most perfect boy. I'm lucky to have him in my life.

JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 20/12/2010 20:31

woahthere I'm very like you - always 28 days (and same problems with contraception). I had exactly this situation last month. I was over a week late (unheard of); did test; negative; period came along shortly afterwards. No reason, nothing to account for it.

Just saying this to illustrate that it can happen - even to those of us who are usually very regular.

cannyfraddock · 20/12/2010 20:50

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, your partner was there too during this possible conception. If and i'll say again, IF, you are pregnant it's not just your responsibility.
You sound like you have a good man so let him take half the blame. If indeed blame is the right word.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you. x

Original poster

woahthere · 20/12/2010 22:02

I am so touched that everyone has been so lovely, thank you, and I am sorry if I sound ungrateful to anyone, I know I am lucky, having a baby is a massively big deal though.
phishfood I am a little bit worried that I will feel the same after convincing myself that I was pregnant and now may not be...what a silly bugger. I will be happy either way, I have done my worrying and know what I am and am not capable of, everything seemed so grim when I first posted on here and the comments that have been made have genuinely helped me so thank you! x

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 20/12/2010 23:49

Woahthere - I actually think he's been less than supportive of you really. He knows (I presume??) that you have had an abortion that you still 'hurt' over, yet he has still suggested this was his preferred option, but will deal with having his life fucked up if you don't do it (so no pressure then?!).

I actually hope for your sake that you aren't pregnant, because it sounds like you will get very little support and a lot of the 'blame' when you are bringing up this baby (if there is one) :(

If he is this adamant he doesn't want any more children (whereas you aren't) then HE needs to be more responsible and preferably have a vasectomy - like any other decent bloke who is this against having another child.

Big hugs & best wishes.

FabbyChic · 20/12/2010 23:56

You could be steralised, it is done via morning surgery and it is only keyhole, near the belly button. The effect is immediate.

ChippingIn · 21/12/2010 02:52

Fabby - why should she? It's not her that doesn't want anymore children - it's him and it's him that is suggesting abortion now that she might be pregnant FFS.

MrsBonkers · 21/12/2010 08:10

Am I correct in thinking you've already had 3 unplanned pregnancies?
Take this scare as a kick up the bum to get some reliable contraception sorted!
Its probably the worry stopping you coming on now.
Hope it works out how you want it to.

Original poster

woahthere · 21/12/2010 09:20

He hasnt actually said that chippingin, he made no secret of the fact he didnt want any children so it would be abit weird of him to change his mind after, he is allowed to feel worried about it, he also hasnt said I should have an abortion, to be honest I think he is reserving judgement until we know for sure and then i know he will be suppportive. (Ive calmed down a lot, can you tell). Mrs Bonkers - I KNOW!! This is partly why I feel like a big fat twat. Mind you, the first 2 children i had I was very young and infatuated with my fiance and they were definitely not unwanted. They weren't planned, they just werent unplanned iykwim. The 3rd unplanned pregnancy was due to something quite horrible that happened to me and completely beyond my control despite me afterwards taking the morning after pill.
I said to him yesterday that I was trying not to worry about it anymore after doing a 2nd negative test,but, that if I was pregnant I didnt think i could have an abortion and he said..'no i didnt think you would be able to' (not in a nasty way)

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 21/12/2010 09:32

What hasn't he said?

That he didn't want anymore?

he does not want another baby

That he will deal with having his life fucked up?

^chipping in, we have talked about it, he says we will deal with it and i quote 'live through the hell'
not the nicest thing to know. we are a strong couple though.
i dont know i would purpose;y di it, i know the consequences and have had to have an abortion before, it still hurts now^

That he wanted you to have an abortion?

One thing he did say was that it wasnt fair to me if he said to have an abortion and that that was my choice, but he really didnt want to have anymore

He tells you that having this child will ruin his life, that he will live through hell and that he couldn't ask you to have an abortion but.....

and you think he will support you when the baby is here (if there is one?) frankly, I think you are deluded. I can bet my last pound on the fact that if you have this baby he will not be supportive through your pregnancy - he didn't want you to be pregnant, he will not get up to it in the night (you wanted this baby not me), he will not fully engage with this baby I didn't want another one.

But you seem to be in denial with how he is working you - so I am going to hide the thread now as I don't want to bang on about it and upset you.

I wish you the best of luck.

PhishFoodAddiction · 21/12/2010 09:35

Just wanted to send you a (hug) and hope you're feeling okay today.

It's a bit of a waiting game now until your period comes or you get a positive test.

It put quite a strain on mine and DHs relationship when I was worried I could be pregnant and he was so against it (though he said he would never pressure me into an abortion, it would be my choice, I knew he'd prefer me to have an abortion). Thankfully things are better now and with hindsight I'm glad I wasn't pregnant, but I really wanted to be at the time.

Original poster

woahthere · 21/12/2010 13:17

hes not working me chippingin, I know him very well luckily so what you have said hasnt upset me but it could well have done, you seem to be trying to stir up things when i have said Ive calmed down a lot now and feel a lot better about everything. You said you didnt want to upset me but first told me I was deluded and in denial and now you are hiding the thread...nice, really nice. Just what I needed.

OP posts:

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 21/12/2010 13:26

I had a scare after having ds, doc said it was most likely because my hormones were still 'unsettled'

I'm sure you'll be fine.

chitchatinsantasear · 21/12/2010 14:54

woahthere - if he's a good dad to your other 3 DC, then whether he 'wants' a 4th child or not, if you are pregnant and a 4th child arrives it is unlikely that he will resent it. It may take times for him to accept it in his mind, but that is different from being resentful and rejecting the child.

My DH didn't want children, because he thought he wasn't up to being a good dad. But even though he does struggle sometimes, he simply adores our 2 DSs.

You know your DP better than we do. You know what the subtext is to things he says better than other people on this thread. Other people might help you look at things in a different way based on their life experiences but they don't KNOW what your situation really is.

Wish you all the best! (Whether it is a +ve or a -ve result!!!!)

Original poster

woahthere · 22/12/2010 18:32

I feel like a pillock for getting so stressed, got my period today, nearly a week late, cried with I think relief, may have been a little bit sad. Am going to get trollied tonight...hurrah!

OP posts:

BlueFergie · 22/12/2010 19:01

Rememeber to use a condom tonight. Don't want this thread again in another 28 days..

Original poster

woahthere · 22/12/2010 19:10

yes mum

OP posts:

BlueFergie · 22/12/2010 20:01

MrsBonkers · 23/12/2010 01:43

Pleased it worked out for you. Now, you know what your New Years resolution can be don't you....?

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