Does this sound like my DH is having an affair?

[MrsRigby]

I've already posted this in the relationships section, but wanted to post here also for the high traffic - AIBU

Married for 4 years with 2 children aged 2 years and 2 months.

He has a go at me every day, has stopped kissing me goodnight and has said that he doesn't want any more children.

He also works away alot and goes on a lot of work night outs.

The other night, he went down to London for the Christmas Party. He never rang me on getting back to the hotel before going to bed, usually he does.

I asked him before if he still wants to be with me and he just went quiet. When I pressed him for an answer and told him he could have a divorce if he wanted one, his reply was I could get a solicitor if I wanted to.

When he next came back in to the living room (he went to bed at 9.30pm), I asked him why was he still with me and did he love me. He replyed that he loves his wife/MrsRigby, but not the person I am.

I still don't know what to think.

He tells me that I won't let him see his friends and family - I've never stopped him and he say's he doesn't have a social life. He says that when he does go out, I give him a hard time for it both before and after. I don't. He turns everything around on me.

I have no family or friends and no money, so I wonder if he is just staying with me, because he feels sorry for me or if he's staying with me because he thinks I won't allow him access to the children.

He say's his Christmas and New Years holidays were cancelled, but I wonder if he cancelled them because he didn't want to be around me.

I'm trying not to cry.

The more he has a go at me, the more I love him less. I don't know if I even love him anymore to be honest as I'd be happy to agree to a divorce if that's what he wanted. I think I'd even let him have an affair if that would make him happy and leave me alone.

When he's away, I manage probably better than when he's here and I think I'm happier too.

I'm really trying not to cry, but when I look at my youngest lying on my lap, full of cold ...

I checked his mobile txt's before, normally he has his mobile with him all the time - he takes it with him into the shower of a morning. Anyway he sent a message to a male colleague telling him that there were lots of seriously hot women here (at the party).

What do you all think???

I'm not sure if this will help, but I realised reading your first post that I am behaving in a similar towards my husband at the moment. Not proud of it, but there we are.

I'm not having an affair: I'm confused by myself, frustrated at the rut I sometimes seem to be stuck in and probably off on another bout of PND. Even the phone bit rung true (sorry!) - classic sign of early stage depression for me is playing a game on my phone obsessively. And I pick at him in such an unfair way that I can't seem to control - really I'm frustrated by life, not him.

I recognise depression quicker usually and have been here often enough to know the signs, but I do remember the first few times I actually thought the world was going to end and worse, that I really did want to cut off everyone I loved and be alone forever. To me, possibly because I am affected by your story, it sounds more like dh has male PND. It is more common amongst men than I had realised.

Anyway - I might be completely off here but I did want to offer this up, just in case.

I hope you can work it out.

Oh and I'm not justifying my or his behaviour by whinging about depression. I know it's not acceptable and will work on it and get help if we need. Depression is a hideous thing though, and can (temporarily hopefully) change someone's character - understanding that can help the supporting person get through the vile moments.

So you don't want a job but what about ways you can make things work for you both a bit better. Are you nice to you? he boguht you the whole nut. What have you done for him (may be loads, I'm just asking) and is your sex life good enough (not prying and no need to answer but that can often help things a lot if it can be improved for both of you.

Xenia, shut up please! The last thing many women in a crap relationship whilst BF a new baby wants to do (or should feel they have to) is have sex! Are you actually a man? It's not the answer to everything you know.
OP, I've had PND a few times but have always loved my babies, almost to an obsessive point where I can't leave them, it became all consuming. So you might be understandably feeling a bit low given you're current situation.
Speak to your HV or doc. Any councellor worth their salt would understand you bringing a BF baby with you, or as said previously your HV might be able to arrange help via sure start.

i dont think affair

but you both sound very very unhappy, so sorry

see relate and get this sorted one way or another, or have trial seperation, do something

good luck, its bloody hard and you WILL survive x