to insist that we watch my choice of TV when DH and I are going to sleep?

[Chocolocolate]

This is one of the only things that DH and I actually argue about and I can't work out if it's me or him that's in the wrong.

I have had a long-standing problem where I can't fall asleep without having a TV programme on. It has to be something that I've watched lots of times before and something not too exciting. I have tried all sorts to get out of this habit but if I don't have this - I don't fall asleep.

DH did not vocalise that he had a problem with this for years however in the last year ,which I believe corresponds with him now having a job that starts early in the morning,he has. He says that he finds it impossible to get to sleep with the TV on and likes to listen to a short radio program that then turns off and there is black silence.

I cannot sleep with this.

I have suggested that I sleep in the spare room as I need to sleep but DH does not want to sleep without me. I have suggested that he wear an eyemask/have radio in earphones/earplugs etc

DH is not happy with any of these solutions and thinks that it is only fair if we alternate and have one night with TV and then one night with radio. He says that he watches TV for me and it's not fair that I always get my choice.

I know this sounds petty and selfish but it turns into a big argument about once a fortnight now.

What are your opinions?

TBH OP, I think that you´re lucky that your husband has put up with it for so long.

It´s sortof sweet that he doesn´t want you to sleep in the spare room.

And practical given that you are TTC, but whatwill you do when you are woken by a baby in the night?

Can´t you ever stay anywhere without taking your computer with?

What if you need an overnight in hospital?

Am also curious to know how it came about?

There must have been a time when you didn´t do this?

Gosh, that was a lot of ?

I´m obviously very nosy so answering is optional

What positive action can you take? I would love to deal with my insomnia but I know sleeping pills are a v bad long term solution. I take the odd non prescription thing but try to restrict it to once a week.

You need to go cold turkey, I think. So you've not slept a wink last night. Okay, so tonight see what happens. Same the next night. You need to wean yourself off this.

Best remedy for insomnia for me is instead of tossing and turning in bed, just get up and have a walk around. Then go back to bed and try sleeping again. Keep repeating till you drift off.

I couldn't sleep with tv on. What happens when you go on hols or away and there's no telly?

I think it needs to be either a gradual weaning process or some kind of hypnotherapy. On the plus side, if you do have a baby, you're likely to be so exhausted you sleep regardless. :)

Totally agree sleeping pills are not the answer.

Your body has learnt to fall asleep with the TV/computer on - and you can teach yourself to fall asleep without it. it will take a lot of effort and determination, and you should get advice from a sleep clinic, but bad sleeping habits should be broken. Learned behaviours can be unlearnt, it's not impossible.

Meditation quiets the mind, if you can get some books out from the library on chakra's and meditation, you may be able fall asleep while meditating. You do not need to sit up to meditate, I always lay down when I meditate.

Get wireless headphones for TV
You watch TV
He gets earphone for radio and eyemask (so he doesnt see the light from tv)
He listens to radio.

Job done

I have this issue, and Im afraid my sympathy is with your DH. Getting up early, 5.30am in my case is bad enough without disturbed late nights.

I could have been the op

friends on every night with the screen darkened
I dont need to watch it just listen
I am on my thrid boxset, have watched them all thousands of times, dont need to watch just listen and only loud enough to hear over my own breathing

but I weaned myself off a few months ago

I've always done it and it was imperative to block out the scary silence after neildied but then I saw it as something I shold move forward from

had a rough few nights (weeks) and didn't do it cold turkey but I can now take it or leave it although I do still like it and will definitely do it when ill, scared, worried

I can now use big bang theory aswell as I love it have some of the dvds and know it almost as well as friends so can 'see' it in my head as I listen to it

to the op

get headphones and a lappy for your needs or wean yourself off it

dont let it turn into a marraige ruiner

If it were me, I would try going cold turkey.

The day before, go out for a really really long walk and be really busy all day so you are properly tired. Do that for a few days. Surely you'd sleep sooner or later? Then you'll be free!

You could also 'play' the TV program in you head instead of watching it. You must know them so well I bet you could go through a whole episode or two.

OP, the problem here isn't your DH. It's your anxiety. Why do you get anxious in dark and silence? What is it you're trying to keep out? This is what you should be addressing.

I think the only really fair way of doing it is for both of you to learn how to fall asleep in the dark, in silence.

at some of the harsh comments on here.

Yes, sounds like the OP needs some professional help to tackle her sleep problems. Being completely unable to sleep without the TV is no way to live.

But sleeping problems are no simple matter. Telling her she is being selfish or childish for having a TV in her room isn't helpful and is actually a bit cruel.

I also think her DP is being stubborn about sleeping in different rooms - it could be a solution for now until she can address the TV issue and see how things are after that.

But - there is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping in separate bedrooms. Society tells us that you should, but it doesn't work for everyone. I'd suggest that if you are both happily rested, there's a far better chance for your relationship to flourish and have a healthy sex life.

If you enjoy sharing a bed and you both get all the beauty sleep you need, great. Why judge others who need to live a different way to make things work for them?

My Mum is like this. She has tinitus and so can't sleep without noise. She used to go to sleep with the tv and radio on, all lights on and a book in her hand! Gradually she has weaned herself onto just a radio with earphones, and the light, and the book.

But I really think you need help with your anxiety if you are ttc. TTC can be hard enough, but in pregnancy your sleep patterns get all screwed up and then when the baby arrives it all goes to pot. If you don't get this sorted out now, I worry that the anxiety will overcome you.

As for the immediate problem. Different rooms sounds like a good compromise. You could make it fun - visiting each other for a quick shag. I think you need to talk to your OH about why he hates that idea so much. Maybe he wouldn't mind it if you were getting help to eventually move back together.

I think maybe you need to address the underlying anxiety issue. Somewhere along the way you seem to have learned that silence/the dark is a scary place. Can you think about what was going on for you when this habit started?

OP have you got an ipod-touch? You could wear the headphones with it and watch videos on that so your DH can get to sleep and you can still hear and watch something.

Why not just both get those "sound asleep" pillows so there is something going on? You could have a gentle night light by your side of the bed, low down so it doesn't disturb him.
Seems the obvious solution.

I need total darkness and silence to be able to go to sleep, the thought of tv or radio on would be complete torture for me! We even have something covering the time on the clock radio because it's a bit bright.

You should alternate.

I thought the TV was meant to be a brain stimulant?

The people on this thread saying things like "just get over it - you'll get to sleep eventually" obviously have never had real insomnia. When you have real insomnia (other than just the occasional night where it takes you a bit longer to get to sleep) then you can literally go the whole night without sleeping and then be knackered the whole day and then not be able to sleep the next night because you are overtired. You can sometimes be fine for months at a time and then have one night where you get no sleep for whatever reason which kicks you into a cycle of being knackered and zombified all day and then literally being too tired to sleep come night. I've just (touch wood) come out of a nasty three weeks where I was getting 3-5 hours sleep every 30 hours or so. If this has never happened to you then you have no right to pass judgement on the OP. I spent 3 weeks where I was pretty much incapable of doing the most basic task and in the end I had to go to the doctor and get some seriously hard core sleeping tablets which you really don't want to get into a cycle of having to rely on because that will just make your insomnia worse. Luckily after a couple of days I managed enough sleep so I wasn't overtired the whole time and managed to get some sleep without the tablets.