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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to change my plans for Christmas morning?

83 replies

follyfoot · 16/12/2010 17:22

DD has always wanted to go to New York, its her big dream. I got made redundant in October and got some redundancy money and luckily, last week I got another job so will be earning again from the new year. As a huge surprise for her, I've booked a trip to NY for the two of us (DH not interested Grin ).

Have got it all planned for Christmas morning so that when she opens her pressies first thing, there will be some NY themed things in amongst her other small gifts, and as she unwraps more things, the gifts will give bigger hints, so the last two are a luggage strap with US appropriate padlock (its got a USA flag on the packet) followed by two USA plug adaptors....then we'll give her the tickets. Cant wait to see her face. She and I had a very tough time in the past (DV) and it will be the trip of a lifetime for us. Have spent ages planning the build up to her finding out on Christmas day.

My Mum has been in touch to ask us not to give her the tickets until she gets there (lunchtime). Sorry this will prob sound v selfish, but she always opens her pressies at breakfast time and I dont want to do anything different this year to make her suspect there is a huge surprise is in the offing. Because of the way the small presents will drop hints, we'd have to not let her have any gifts in the morning at all. Am not normally a control freak, but have spent ages planning this and its making me smile just thinking about the build up to the BIG present!

Should I abandon the plans and not give her the ticket until my Mum and the inlaws get there? Have offered to video it all with the new camera I might be getting for Christmas from DH Grin

OP posts:
nickeldonkeycarrymary · 16/12/2010 17:47

diddl because there are luggage tags and plug adaptors too.

thefurryone · 16/12/2010 17:47

Saying the OP's mum needs to get over herself is a bit extreme, she clearly just knows how excited shes going to be and wants in on it. Nothing wrong with that in my mind. OP do you think at 17 your DD might be more inclined towards a christmas day lie in than previous years making the later opening less late?

diddl · 16/12/2010 17:48

Oh, I missed that, Rockin

Well OP, tell your Mum no, then.

traceybath · 16/12/2010 17:50

Do what you had planned - and what a lovely present - I hope you have a fab time.

FakePlasticTrees · 16/12/2010 17:51

oh yes, open some wine on christmas eve, get her tipsy and she'll want a lie in on Christmas day (this is not serious advice!)

Look, if you had bought your DD something else, would your mum be wanting you to wait? If the answer is no, then you should just go ahead, tell your mum her other gifts give clues to the tickets, so if you hold back the tickets until your mum gets there your DD will have already guessed and the whole thing will be a big anticlimax.

Original poster
follyfoot · 16/12/2010 17:54

TFO - no, she'll be asking on Christmas Eve what's the earliest time she can set her alarm for to get us up!

Think the plug adaptors might just start to give the game away, but she's not a 'material girl' particularly so I dont think she'd dare think that her dream has come true (I promised her when she was about 5 or 6 I'd take her one day).

Thanks for the kind words everyone, I can just hear my Mum arrriving and saying 'I wish I had been here to see her face' in a way that only she can, and I'll feel guilty. Although to be fair, when I explained that it would be difficult to wait, but if I could think of a way, we would, she said she would understand if not.

God I'm soooooooooooo excited.

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 16/12/2010 17:57

Although saying that, you could delay pressie opening by saying now she's 17, you'd like to do a more grown up Christmas morning, and how does she fancy smoked samlon and scrambled eggs with bucks fizz for breakfast etc (and take your time over it) Then secretly tell her you've got DH a camcorder for Christmas and he'll be wanting to video her opening her gifts, so maybe you should all get showered and dressed with makeup on and hair done before you start opening gifts "because you know your dad will be showing this video to all and sundry!" (teenage girls are almost universally vain)

Hopefully that will mean you're still mid pressie opening by the time your mum arrives.

SeaTrek · 16/12/2010 18:02

I wouldn't wait either. This is a surprise from you to your DD - I think it is a little unfair that you have been put in this position [having to decide] tbh.

catinthehat2 · 16/12/2010 18:08

MY Mum did this to my Dad.
She bought their new car years ago behind his back.
I took them to the garage, nipped in with some "paperwork" I had to deliver.
THe manager came out with the keys (he was in on it).
EVEN THEN Dad didn't get it.
When it sank in he was totally overcome with happiness.

Do not change a thing. You cannot risk it going wrong. She will be ecstatic. But I bet she won't get it even when you hand over the tickets.

AllGoodNamesGone · 16/12/2010 18:13

I wouldn't want to wait. This is a really special thing between you and your daughter. Everyone watching her will tip her off to something going on and she might guess before you want her to.

I think you are perfectly entitled not to share this one thing.

Just tell your mum you will try but are not sure if you can delay it, then go ahead as planned and, when your mum comes, tell her you just couldn't put it off. If she pulls the "Oh I would have so liked to have been there" thing, just give her a hug and say "I know, but she was on to us" and change the subject!

I am trying to think ahead to being a Granny and I don't think I would want to risk spoiling something special like this between one of my DC and their offspring.

Hope you have a wonderful time. NY is a dream of mine too!

Muira · 16/12/2010 18:22

You are such a lovely mum!

Regardless of DD's age, absolutely stick to your plans! It's your lovely moment with her, enjoy it privately and celebrate with your mum later.

I'm so excited for you both!

tattycoram · 16/12/2010 18:23

Aw, that sounds fab. Your plan sounds perfect, don't change a thing, you mum might be disappointed for twenty minutes but she'll get over it

kickassangel · 16/12/2010 18:36

i'm quite sure that even an hour or two later, dd will be bouncing with excitement, and will want someone to tell - that's part of the fun of a good present. so your mum can be the first person she tells, would that make your mum feel happier?

catinthehat2 · 16/12/2010 18:43

Yes, you can delegate your mum to pull her down from the ceiling Grin

panettoinydog · 16/12/2010 18:43

I'd just video it and show them later. Otherwise all the hanging around will take the shine off it.

Tootlesmummy · 16/12/2010 18:49

I certainly wouldn't wait. It is reasonable to open presents in the morning if that's what you would normally do so I don't see why you should now change your plans.

I would ask DH to charge your camera (if he's got you one) and then record it for your mum.

Enjoy NY.

cumbria81 · 16/12/2010 18:57

can't your mum stay over with you so that she's there on xmas morning? I think it's lovely she wants to be in on the surprise but appreciate that you don't want to arouse suspcion by changing present opening norms

(by the way, PLEASE log back on at xmas and tell us how it went - I am excited for you!)

Adair · 16/12/2010 19:02

Sounds lovely... just a thought. Would it work if you let her open all the hints and then say 'oh, i might have you one more present to open when granny gets here...' and then let her go 'really..? really.. are we going?' you say 'maybe, you'll have to wait and see'... Wink

Ultimately though I think if you would rather just give it to her in the morning, you can explain to your mum that you really understand but you don't want her to suspect anything by doing anything differently. Lovely that your mum is excited too!!

Conflugenglugen · 16/12/2010 19:03

I just wanted to say what a thoughtful, fabulous present ... and what a way to unwrap it! Have a wonderful time!

octopusinabox · 16/12/2010 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

persephonesnape · 16/12/2010 19:11

YANBU and i hope you both have a fab time!

DurhamDurham · 16/12/2010 19:15

follyfoot whatever you decide to do with regards to present opening, I just wanted to say that you will both have a fab time in New York. I went with my 17 year old dd in October for my 40th bday. dh and younger daughter went to Spain in July because they wanted a lazy, sunny holiday.

New York was amazing, we were busy all day, everyday. We walked miles as that way you don't miss anything. My dd loved Fifth Ave which I could have predicted. I loved the Village, lovely cafe's and shops.

We felt safe the whole time, wandering around Times Square on an evening was no problem. Everyone was really friendly ( except two women having a fight in the lift in Macy's!)New Yorkers seemed to love British people and were really helpful.

Sorry to hijack your thread but am so jealous that you are going, We'd love to go again!!

Pancakeflipper · 16/12/2010 19:16

It's your and your daughters moment. Do as you wish. I think it sounds wonderful and magic. I wanna be your daughter.

I know it would be great if on the morning your MIL was there - great for your MIL. But this is about you and your girl so don't feel guilty at your surprise. Your daughter will still be giddy pants by the time the rest of the family arrive

saffy85 · 16/12/2010 19:17

YANBU do as you originally planned this is yours and DD's special present- enjoy it! Smile

muminthemiddle · 16/12/2010 19:20

What a fab present!

I think I would do it as planned and tell your mum you will video it for her.