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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the nights are never going to get better?

48 replies

pinkhyena · 15/12/2010 03:06

I might feel this way because I am so tired right now (it's 3am and ds has just fallen asleep after waking up at about midnight, I'm on my iPhone btw waiting for him to be in a deep enough sleep to put in his cot). Anyway, ds is 7 weeks old and is still really erratic with his sleep pattens night and day. Everytime he looks like he's getting some sort of routine he changes it! I know he's still little and all babies are different but my friends babies all started to get into a sleep patten and waking less at night by now (this is what they claim at least). Everyone says to me 'it'll get better' I want to know when! I dread night time it's making me miserable, what's worse is that normally after I've fed him (formula fed) I can't get back to sleep for ages meaning I'm even more tired than I should be. Any words of comfort would be greatly appreciated, apologies if this doesn't make sense.
X

OP posts:

strawberrylace · 15/12/2010 03:15

Hello! cant offer much comfort apart from being someone who is thinking the exact same things. i hate 3am!

strawberrylace · 15/12/2010 03:15

Hello! cant offer much comfort apart from being someone who is thinking the exact same things. i hate 3am!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 15/12/2010 03:15

It will get better, I promise; my DC are over 20yo now and they sleep through just fine. Indeed, there were a few years when rousing them at all was a bit of a challenge.

I remember that utterly exhausted feeling, though, I remember it well. Have you learned to sleep when your baby does? That really saved my sanity; realising that it's perfectly Ok to go to bed at noon. Or 5pm, or whatever outrageous hour.

However, I have just realised what outrageous hour it is now, so must away.

This too, will pass. :)

strawberrylace · 15/12/2010 03:16

See - i am so tired i even posted twice

Original poster

pinkhyena · 15/12/2010 03:51

I would sleep in the day if he slept for more than 15 minutes at a time :( strawberrylace I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight, ds lasted a whole 20 minutes before waking up again. How old is your lo?

I don't know whether to start using a daytime routine again, tried the EASY routine before and just stressed myself out because he'd be awake when he was meant to be sleeping or sleeping when he was meant to be eating etc. We did start a bedtime routine which helped for a bit, he started just waking up once in the night which was fine I can handle that but then it just stopped and we're back to square 1 again. I will add I'm not expecting him to sleep through the night just want some kind of consistency!

OP posts:

anonymosity · 15/12/2010 04:10

It will get better. Lack of sleep is a crippling thing but it really will get better. Hope you can have an impromptu nap in the day.

eToTheiPi · 15/12/2010 05:21

Adding my sympathies, I too have a 7 week old that's not keen on sleep, unfortunately also have 3 yr old dd so sleep in the day is a no no. Mind you dd2 only slept for 10 mins at a time yesterday so couldn't have if I wanted to! Roll on the teenage years! [revenge emoticon]

PatsyPlusOne · 15/12/2010 05:33

i can sympathise. the only way my 8 week old ds will sleep at night at the moment is on me. no matter how deeply asleep i think he is when i try to put him down he screams and screams. yet in the day he'll sleep anywhere. i'm trying to get him to have all naps in his cot now in the hope he'll get used to it fior the night, but doesn't seem to work

ben5 · 15/12/2010 05:40

both my ds were like this. they say that those who don't sleep are very bright!!! I can't be that bright as I like my sleep!! good luck it will pass ( and you'll soon learn that everyone has an afternoon nap!!)

onceamai · 15/12/2010 06:17

Oh I remember exactly how you feel. DD in particular was night monster. I recall when she was about six weeks old, my bf (whose ds was born two weeks earlier) telling me how they had been away camping for the weekend and how they had tucked baby, dear little soul, between them in the sleeping bag and he had slept from 11 until 6. I still remember smiling and saying how fantastic and as soon as I turned the corner, sobbing all the way home! Camping!! sleeping!! 3 children to my two!! It was as much as I could do keep everyone clean, fed and dressed - probably in that order.

I'll be flamed for this and it's not ideal but when we had dd there was already a cot in the nursery and also a very comfy nursing chair. Sometimes, it was easiest just to doze off with dd, usually in the chair because stirring and going back to my bed usually woke me up and like you I couldn't get back to sleep either.

FrenchLimeBlossom · 15/12/2010 06:32

Oh my god pinkhyena I feel exactly the same - my ds is 7 weeks today, have been trying EASY but try telling him he needs to nap during the day. He literally will not nap unless I take him out in the pram or in his car seat - then he will sometimes sleep for hours. But in his crib - no.

I don't get how all thebooks say babies this age need 12-15 hours a day of sleep but he seems to get by on 10 at the most and is otherwise content to all appearances. But I feel as though I must be doing something wrong, do you?

We do have bedtime routine which gets him to sleep in the evening and then he wakes twice in the night for feeds (I'm breastfeeding)mbut after the second feed he just won't go back to sleep. I'm so tired and frustrated. Hence on MN!

Athrawes · 15/12/2010 07:25

Been there! Honest, it gets better. The EASY thing helped a bit except it went EAES and the Y bit was laundry!
I found it helped to write down his patterns - a sleep log a la Pantley. I could then see that although it initially appeared he had no pattern, there was something underneath. Also reading Pantley made me feel better for cuddling, hushing, rocking or whatever I needed to do for now.
Try not to compare to other babies, try really hard. Comparing yourself is just the route to madness.
As to your own sleep, yeah, I couldn't go back to sleep either. I gave myself a routine, get up, put the electric blanket on so that the bed is welcoming when I get back in, feed, make myself drink from my own thermos of camomile, eat some almonds (sleep inducer), squirt some Bach remedy. Then lie in bed. If not able to sleep, rather than stressing, instead daydream about all the things you could spend a million on. Silly but it takes your mind off not sleeping or the other stuff that fills your head in the small hours.
It gets better.

moogster1a · 15/12/2010 08:00

My 5 month old is still waking every 90 minutes or so( not that I want to worry you ).
I whisper to him about how I'm going to wait for his first hangover morning then scream repeatedly in his ear till he gets up and makes me breakfast.
I also can't sleep during the day as I have a 3 yr old and childmind a 2 yr. old.
Once he starts sleeping I'm never going to complain about being tired again.

Flisspaps · 15/12/2010 08:07

Your friends are telling you porky-pies

Either that, or their babies will suddenly change their mind about their sleeping habits, just when they think they have it sussed.

Do whatever you need to in order to get some rest yourself, be it co-sleeping, sleeping in the day (20 mins is perfect for a power nap at least) or getting DP (if one is available) to do some of the night feeds - what worked for us was DH feeding DD at 11pm so that I could go to bed at 9 if I needed to, then even if she only slept until 1am I could have had 5 hours straight sleep.

Now DD is 9 months, and I am celebrating our first night's full sleep (11-6) in months. I fully expect to be awake with her at 1,3,4 and 5am tomorrow morning, so please take comfort in knowing you're not the only one tearing your hair out! TTSP.

Flisspaps · 15/12/2010 08:08

And one more thing - don't forget that your baby hasn't read ANY of the books. Not one (how rude).

So please don't feel as though you're doing something 'wrong' if DS doesn't follow the EASY pattern or whatever method you so choose

newmum001 · 15/12/2010 08:17

No real advice only to say that my DD (3 months) has only recently got into a routine so you're friends were either VERY lucky or they have a rose tinted view of how it really was. I find that if DD sleeps better during the day she sleeps better at night. Does he sleep well in the pram, maybe try taking him out a couple of times a day in that to ensure a couple of decent naps and night time might get better. Obviously this means no sleep for you during the day but that's what i had to do with DD for a while (still do sometimes) and even though im not getting sleep duuring the day, the walk clears my head etc and just getting out of the house makes me feel so much better

It does get easier!!

loopylo · 15/12/2010 08:19

I have a 9 week old and she is just sleeping better (waking every 2-4 hrs at night, some nights only waking once) but naps and getter her to sleep before 10pm difficult. Before that she was up most of the night. She just suddenly changed. I think they just grow bigger and get better. I got sleep obsessed-pouring over all the books (at 3am, crying), and let it rule the first few months with my DD. I regret that now as nothing I did changed her pattern she did that of her own occord. I too compared her to all my friends babies who sleep 5 hrs in the day and 7-7 at night since they were only a few weeks old-I think they must drug them !! All babies are different. I can count the number of time I wept at my DH and Mum saying that I must be doing it all wrong......

I just kept day noisy and nights quiet and dark and forced myself to get her up when she woke up at 6-7am even if I had had only a few hours sleep.

When my DH was not working he would take her for a few hours in the morning so I could get a few hours sleep then. BF so couldn't be longer but if you are FF see if you can get someone to help for a few hours so you can sleep.

loopylo · 15/12/2010 08:20

Oh and best wishes and good luck....

lal123 · 15/12/2010 08:24

YABU - It WILL get better - but not for a while yet I'm sorry to say! Baby will start to sleep better, and you get used to functioning on no sleep!

Just remember that one morning you will wake up and your baby will have slept through - you will argue with DP over who goes to check they haven't died and then you realise that magically they have slept!!!!

christmasheave · 15/12/2010 08:28

It will get better, promise. With both of my DCs it didn't start to improve until they were 8 or so weeks old.
I really sympathise. I remember one day, shoving the baby at my OH the minute he walked through the door, telling him that if I didn't sleep I'd go insane and then crashing out for 12 hours.

Galena · 15/12/2010 08:30

My friends always told me that their children were in a lovely routine, etc. I always felt awful because my DD was the only one who didn't sleep through and didn't nap, etc.

Turns out they all have been really similar sleep wise, and in fact at 19mo, she's possibly a slightly better sleeper than my friend's DS, despite me thinking he's slept through forever!

TattyDevine · 15/12/2010 08:35

It will get better....BUT

"I'm on my iPhone btw waiting for him to be in a deep enough sleep to put in his cot"

I never did this. I always put them down sleepy but awake. If they fussed a bit I'd pat their tummy and go "shhh" gently.

It might not work yet, or it might not work for your child, and there will possibly be hundreds of posters who reply to me saying "I did this and it was all fine" BUT - from someone who had 2 babies who slept through the night from about 4-5 months (12 hours) and who never needed "help" getting to sleep as older babies or toddlers, who I simply put in their beds wide awake, say goodnight and leave the room, I would advise you to try and put him down awake in his cot/moses basket as soon as you think it might just work.

MrsTumbles · 15/12/2010 08:45

I got into a 'routine' with my DH when our DD was little. I would go to bed at 8pm and DH would sit up with DD until Midnight(ish). Usually worst case she would wake up again at 2am, but by this point I had got 6 hours sleep in! This saved my sanity, and my DH really enjoyed being able to have some alone time with DD while she was little.

And it will get better (then they start teething...)

pinkdelight · 15/12/2010 08:46

Your friends are either fibbing or very much the exception. I'd just write off the first three months. The little uns don't have a clue about night n day till then. I know it's hard and totally feel your pain, but it is slightly less harrowing if you don't expect so much.

TiredofTelford · 15/12/2010 09:16

I know how you feel, kept being told ds would sleep through from 6 weeks, then 10,12 etc. He is 6 months now and has slept through twice! The last time was last night so I don't want to get my hopes up but we have just started sleeping in separate rooms and I think that has made a difference. I didn't do that from the start but I think I will consider doing so much much earlier for dc2 - ds seems a lot happier after a night of unbroken sleep too. As long as your baby is getting enough milk through the day I would try them in another room for a week to see if it makes a difference. Good luck

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