to think I should make my ex now take me to court to see the kids after recieving this text from him..

[Ladyanonymous]

Ex asked me a week ago if he could see the kids boxing day from 2pm I told him if he wanted to see them he would need to pick them up in the monring as I had plans (picking up my partners kids from airport and others 150 miles away need collecting). He refused to comprimise so I said fine don't bother having them then. He will not see them at all during the holidays. Its his weekend to have them NYE w/e although we "take it in turns" on NYE so he has told me he'll be picking them up on the Saturday rather than the Friday (hasn't stated a time) and has told me he won't be having them on the Sunday night and Bank Holiday Monday instead either.

Kids are upset about not seeing him so I asked if he could have them from 12 noon as a comprimise - he has flat refused and has said if I want him to have them next year on boxing day I'll need to let him know now .

I said fine you'll need to have them NYE then as that is your agreed access night, and theres no guarentee you're not going to dick me about next year anyway and fufill your part of the bargain.

I've said they really want to see you so you either need to have them boxing day or have them the extra night new years eve w/e as we would like to go away. He replied "As I have already said I am away for xmas (he hasn't said that at all - and hes told the kids hes staying at home) and it is too late to change my plans. As for New Year I am away as it is not my year to have the kids. If you drop them on my doorstep you will be abandoning them and my neighbours will phone the police. If you choose not to be there on the Sunday when I drop them back then I will have to phone social services (I work for Childrens Services so am aware this is bollocks) and inform them that you have abandoned them as you are not home for the kids. Now stop texting me, if you send me ONE more text I won't bother picking them up from school tomorrow."

AIBU to want to go round there and rip his fucking head off kill him or now just deny him access.

Either way the kids miss out

[diddl]

Yes, I thought it was likely to be that, just trying to keep an open mind.

OP-how old are your children-old enough to see that it´s him changing times/days at the last minute & that you accommodate where possible?

It´s awful that anyone can be so ambivalent about their children.

[Ladyanonymous]

13, 11 and 8 - I don't tell them a lot - I expect they see a lot though :(

[2rebecca]

I wouldn't let him have a key if he'll just drop the kids off and not supervise them. Then he'd have to wait for you. Different if he's trustworthy but it doesn't sound as though he is.
If the original agreement was that you have the kids over xmas and he has them over new year (my ex and I tend to have a week each rather than passing the kids back and forth like parcels)then if he now wants to see them on boxing day as well he should be fitting in with your plans, just as you would have to if you wanted to see them at a time he's due to have them.
If he isn't willing to have the kids at new year as previously arranged then you will have to tell the kids their dad has changed his mind about seeing them, or make him tell them and change your plans. Given their ages I'm not sure a solicitor will help much and just be an expense.
It sounds as though you have to be clear to your ex that he sticks to access arrangements though, and make sure the kids know what the access arrangements are supposed to be, especially if he's dumping the 13 year old alone as babysitter to younger kids. She should be aware of when her dad is meant to be returning her.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

I suspect your kids will realise who's doing the messing around. It will then become very clear that you've done all you can and your exP was the one making things tricky.

Personally (and I guess I'd hope my mum did this when I was due to see my dad), I'd ask when he is around to see if it might fit with what you're doing. Or offer a broader time range, before 12noon rather than at 12noon. Could you also offer an afternoon time after you're back from the airport, or could he meet you at the airport to collect them, or could you drop them off on your way home?

I don't think you should re-arrange your life every time your exP changes his mind or announces at short notice he's picking up / dropping off at a different time. But, if the kids want to see him over Christmas, then I think you should try your best to make it happen. Plus you can tell your kids you've tried your hardest - given their dad lots of options/times yet he still can't make it.

[santasakura]

kungfupanda In the U.K fathers owned their children and if chose to divorce the mother he could decide where the children would live; it was up to him whether she got to keep them or not. It's factually correct. `Until recently'- meaning for hundreds of years until women demanded change