WWYD grandmother looking after daughter overnight

[otchayaniye]

This is more of a WWYD and I?ve half answered my question typing this out. But I thought I?d canvass opinions. I?ve got a friend?s 40th in a posh hotel and it will go on until late - 3-4 am. She?s flying in from abroad and has given us ample warning. I really do want to go and want to be there with her and our friends.

Initially her grandmother (MIL) offered to take her for overnight. She?s been clamouring to do this for ages and ages and at 2 years and 2 months (and no longer breastfed to sleep) I thought she might be ready. She knows grandma well, loves her, and sees her for a good few hours every week as my husband visits his parents each week on one day I work.

Anyway. All fine I thought but now the actual date is approaching I?m feeling nervous. She cares for her husband, who has Parkinsons and although I don?t think it will be a competition for attention (she ignores him!) it?s left her a bit frazzled. I worry that if my daughter says she wants to go home or has trouble going to sleep (she?s a bad sleeper) it will all go a bit wrong. She has two large dogs ? pointers ? who have been fine around her, but hey, they are dogs and grandma lets her wander about the place. Ultimately, the biggest thing that worries me is that she?s 2 hours away in the countryside (we?re in SE London) and if the weather turns we could have bother getting to her.

Other options are getting a friend who has offered to sleep on our couch and one of us be late for the dinner as we get her to sleep/introduce said friend. But I worry that if she wakes up (she sometimes does, and recently a lot) she?ll see friend and freak out. That said I used a babysitter on a holiday recently ? she hadn?t even met her but was able to get her back to sleep without a problem (apparently)

Last option is use a sitter agency. Any recs? Are sitters.co.uk any good? Would they stay until early hours? This with this option is that I could get back in 20 mins if it all kicks off.

My husband is thinking along similar lines. Initially ?that?s fine? then thinking more, erm, maybe not. It?s hard though top get a sense of whether you?re being a bit precious if you?ve rarely used babysitters. Yes, I know go with your gut, but what if your gut is off kilter!

Thanks for your advice.

I think I would go with a sitter at my own home. Sitters.com is good and I have used it, so have friends. I think you will pay a bit more for the late night, but as long as you are upfront about that then it should not be a problem.

I would put your DD to bed yourself, then leaver her with the sitter and then if your DD is very unsettled you know you will only be 30 minutes away.

Enjoy the party.

cheers. yes, I thought so. Although my friend will camp out until the morning, so cheaper (he is local, has two children himself). Partly selfishless I hate clock watching if I've gone to all this bother.

The arsing about and hoo hah and possible bad weather and dogs and distance are putting me off. I'm hoping it will snow so I can let her down gently!

get a professional babysitter from an agency and pay for her cab home. we're in north london otherwise would recommend to you our nanny who is fab.

this way you don't have to overthink dogs etc, picking up children next day.. no offense to dog owners/lovers, but i too would feel uncomfortable.

good luck and have a great time!

I too would go with a sitter, you might find your local Nursery staff do babysitting for extra cash (they do around her) & you can relax in knowing they are fully trained, good with kids CRB etc etc

My ds stayed with his grandmother for the first time last saturday, he is also 2.2 years old. He awoke in the night and screamed for papa for an hour and the grandmother was at the point of phoning us when he settled again.

I think you do need to be within easy distance for the first night away.

And I would be unhappy about the dogs, as they are not used to having a child to stay overnight.

I would get a babysitter, but have her over a couple of times first to try and get your dd used to her.

Grandma sounds fine to me. You've far less chance of your DD becoming stressed upon waking if someone she knows and loves is with her rather than a stranger.

WRT the distance, yes, it is a potential problem but ONLY in a very big "what if" kind of way. What if Grandma couldn't cope (not very likely, is it?), what if a thunderbolt struck (ditto)...

I had the same concerns many years ago when I was out of London and my folks living in the city. I either accepted that the what ifs were VERY unlikely or never had a break from 2 young children at all (lone parent).

WRT the dogs, as someone whose DC frequently mix and interact with 60 or more in a day, of all breeds and types, and who has 3 large dogs herself as well as being a rescuer, I would say you are over-reacting UNLESS you have good reason to have concerns. Anything else is like saying "MIL has 2 Chinese women/Redheads/Americans in the house" and deserves the response "so fecking what???!!". :o

Just me, but I would FAR rather that my DDs were with someone I know and trust than a stranger. In fact, a stranger WOULDN'T have been looking after my DDs, it just wouldn't have happened.

These are of course just my opinions, but I hope they give you something to ponder.

I work for Sitters.
TBH I am not sure if a sitter will be prepared to stay until 3 or 4 in the morning.
Most of us have our own families to get up to in the morning.
Good luck.

Just another little note to add in tho not an answer to anything.

If you did get a sitter to watch dc and they did stay till 3-4am would they not charge a premium rate after midnight and make the costings v v expensive.

What Valhalla said!

So what if she wakes in the night - I'm sure Grandma will cope - worse comes to worse they'll sit up and read stories until she's tired again! (DD not Grandma! LOL).

I can't believe you would rather leave her with a stranger than her Grandma.

I would stick with your MIL would much rather leave my children with a family member than an unknown person and like you say she has been wanting to do this for a while.Yes she might be up in the night and be tired but its only for 1 night. Could you offer to look after FIL another time so she gets a break too ?

Do you have time to do a trial night at MIL's house?

"I can't believe you would rather leave her with a stranger than her Grandma."

You insufferable termagant.

I'm talking about time that my child is likely (with 90 percent certainty) to be asleep.

You could say this about any non-relative childcare solution. Do you say this to friends who use childminders or nursery?

Thanks all for the advice. I'm still undecided. The Grandma option might be out because of the weather so I'm just thinking of backstops. If it all fails either one of us might go.

Re the pointers. I don't want to drip but one of them bit the other badly a while back. Nothing to suggest it would attack a human, but still.

It's next Monday so I don't have much time to do trials.

Well, if you want to upset grandma and risk her never wanting to baby sit for you again, then go for a stranger.

seeker - she wouldn't know I've gone for (shock horror) a stranger. Or a good friend (like I mentioned before). Because I wouldn't tell her.

seriously pmsl @ "You insufferable termagant."

Only on mn!

As for the question, well its fairly obvious that you do whatever you feel most comfortable with. Seems a bit mean if you have already asked grandma and she is looking forward to it, but thats life.

at "insufferable termagant"

Is this a sign that the quality of namecalling on MN is improving? I do hope so

I don't think I'd be thrilled about the dogs tbh. It's a shame your MIL can't stay at yours (I assume she can't, if she has to look after your FIL).

It all comes down to trust.

Do you trust you mil to look after your lo and be able to comfort them if they are sad?

All the rest is irrelevant.

Thanks people. Lots to think about. To be honest I'd rather like to duck

My MIL sees our daughter once a week and longs to look after her. Of course I want to make her happy and her staying overnight is way easier for us in terms of no clockwatching, but harder in terms of the long drive. But I worry that she'll be stuck having bitten off more than she can chew daughter takes a good hour to go to sleep with me. She sometimes wakes (went through a long phase of sleeping through but has recently been more wakeful) I just don't want to overload her and for her to resent it because we're not that near to rush back.

That, along with a few minor misgivings, is what prompted me to think about alternatives.

Final (and easier) alternative is to just not go. Or let my husband go for the dinner and then him come back and me join them later. But my friend doesn't really understand as she's always had nannies.

"Is this a sign that the quality of namecalling on MN is improving?"

Or someone has got word of the day toilet paper...

It's a shame also that my mother (who lives in London) won't babysit either at hers or at ours. But you can't make grandparents want to.

Insufferable termagant A quarrelsome, scolding woman; a shrew. Imaginary Muslim deity - now which would I prefer... hmmmm

Whatever.

Why post in AIBU if you don't want opinions?

Even if you don't like my opinion - there really wasn't any call for the personal attack.

Fortunately I'm a hardy creature and don't give a flying fuck what you think of me, but what if you had said that to someone 'on the edge' and there are plenty on here who are right now.

Hardly suprising your own mother doesn't want to babysit if that's an insight into how you behave when someone says something you don't like.

I'm sorry Chipping about the harsh words. Just saw red as I'm not some heartless cow offloading my kid on any passing 'stranger' and delighting in being a bitch to my MIL. I'm musing aloud about what is the best thing to do in these circumstances and 'I can't BELIEVE' comments are judgmental and unhelpful (but yes, this is AIBU so you have the right )

I thought it was rather tongue-in-cheek, Chipping